Body Doubling and “How Does Finish Line Friday Work”?

How Does Finish Line Friday Work? And, What Is Body Doubling?

I’d like to reintroduce body doubling. 

I was driving to a client appointment as I started to dictate this content out loud.  One benefit of slowly easing back into in-person clients this week is that I increased my commute time. I don’t really look forward to commuting time, but it is also uninterrupted time for me to think, and that is helpful! 

I like to be productive with my time. And while I love quiet uninterrupted time, there is still something to be said about working with other people, too! Enter, body doubling.

My phone has a name, my laptop has a name. Believing that there is somebody on the receiving end of what I have to say anchors me to the space. Believing that someone is expecting me and someone’s on the other side of that anchors me so I don’t get distracted.

A new community member reached out to me via email.  I believe she has started following me and my content in the last few months at one of my recent presentations. She visited a recent Finish Line Friday and wasn’t sure how it all works.  So, this is for you, Karen. I will endeavor to explain more clearly what exactly Finish Line Friday is, and how we use the strategy of Body Doubling and the Pomodoro Method of time management to increase productivity.

Body doubling is a productivity tool, a strategy, call it what you would like. In my own experiences and with my clients, body doubling helps us be more productive. Body doubling is one of the many perks of working with a professional organizer because having a person with you in your space as you work can be very motivating. It anchors us to the work and the space.  

Same goes for coaching. Body doubling is absolutely vital. For example, early in the pandemic lock down, a number of my clients struggled with the new phenomenon of unattached work time, of working virtually for the first time and it was not working for them.  They did not feel that they were being as productive as they could be, because it turns out that being around other people who were also working on similar things helped them to stay on track.

There were hours when I would sit in a zoom room or on Facetime with a client and they were doing their work and I was doing my work, and that would help my client stay on track. If a question came up, I’d be happy to answer it or I was ready to listen attentively. One client in particular would sometimes need to verbally work through something because she’s a verbal processor, and we would do this parallel play, this body doubling, for a few hours at a time because she knew that she needed support around some of the tougher projects.

Body doubling isn’t needed for every task.  You are a capable, productive person.  But some tasks are harder to tackle than others, and that is when we bring in tools. 

My middle son lives alone, but in community, in theater housing. He has his own apartment but he and his fellow actors all live in the same apartment complex.  He mentioned that there are times when he needs to get things done. Maybe he needs to tackle a project that he’s having some kind of mental or motivational block around, and he’ll have his friend come over and she can work on whatever she wants to work on or play video games, it really doesn’t matter. That’s not the point. he point is, having somebody else physically in his space keeps him from getting distracted.  She doesn’t have to remind him, it’s just her presence that will remind him.   He calls it Parallel Play, like when two year olds play next to each other on the floor with some blocks.  They’re developmentally too young to play together but they play with their own thing side by side.

Finish Line Friday is like parallel play. And here is how it works:

Finish Line Friday uses the Pomodoro method of 25 minutes of work and five minutes of rest.  Studies have shown the most efficient and effective ratio of work to rest is 52 minutes and ten minutes. For every 52 minutes of work, we need ten minutes of rest. And after three or four cycles of that, we need a longer period of rest. Imagine you start your workday at nine. You work from nine to 9:50 then take a 10 minute break. You work from ten to 1050, take a 10 minute break. You work eleven to 11:50, and then maybe you take half an hour for lunch. Right?  So, this cycle is something we may already be familiar with.

As a participant in Finish Line Friday the other day said, we know these things, but it’s really helpful to hear them said out loud by others.

Finish Line Friday helps us get into the healthy and productive habit of 50 minutes of work and 10 minutes of rest. 

In practice, for Finish Line Friday:

  • We all hop into the zoom room at 9 am;   
  • We arrive with our own work for the 2 hour session;
  • We spend a few minutes chatting;
  • We set our intentions for our first 25 minutes of work;
  • I share my screen with a 25-minute countdown clock, counting down to the next 5 minute break.
  • Then, I mute all of us, though we can stay on screen.  That’s how that works.
  • We work for the 25 minutes, check in for the break with another 5 minute countdown clock, and start all over again.
  • And we just do that for four cycles. 
  • There are not assignments, at least not from me!  Come to us with your own agenda, with your own work, with your own ideas about what you want to get done.

Yes, I’m happy to talk to you about productivity or triaging your to-do list or prioritizing.  We can absolutely do that in the breaks or in the chat.  I facilitate productivity, but we are working side by side. We are working together on our own things, myself included. We all come with our own agenda, and I supply the structure and the community. 

I supply the structure and the community. That’s Finish Line Friday. 

Recently, the work has included: 

  • one participant was uploading artwork to a shared drive;
  • another was getting ready for houseguest and was grateful for a 2 hour block of time, knowing that they would get some stuff done, maybe talk to people on the break, and have fun (and that is FLF does for them);
  • a first-time participant was excited to get through a couple of planning tasks and then start working on a professional project; and
  • I cleaned out my in-boxes, wrapped up messages for the week, then moved on to writing presentation content for a project I’m working on for my national association. 

Now that I have more fully explained Finish Line Friday, please assemble your to-do list and plan to join us for a Friday morning of getting things done!

Meal Planning: Start With What You Know

Last week, we got started on Meal Planning by asking two questions: What does healthy mean to you? And, What are your meal planning goals?

I hope you have had some time to think about your answers to those questions! With answering those questions, you have gained some awareness for and about yourself. Awareness is the first step for progress!

I know Meal Planning may sound like a lot of change and a lot of work, but it is easier than you think, especially to get started. I am not here to tell you what and how and when to eat. Those are personal choices. What I am here to say is that meal planning can help support your intentions and achieve your goals, whatever they may be.

So, as we get started with the HOW-TO for meal planning, let me suggest starting with what you know.

So, what do you know? 😉 Let me tell you, You know more than you think you do!

First, you know you.

You know what healthy means to you, and you know your goals.

You know your preferences, your allergies, your schedule, your finances, and your family situation and who else you need to factor into your meal plans.

Let’s get to it. Starting with what you know, Make a list of your favorites.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes coming up with ideas for what we want to eat is the hardest part of meal planning for me. It’s not checking inventory, or grocery shopping or even cooking – the IDEAS are what stump me. To circumvent that trouble, I have a list on the inside of my cabinet door of 30 of my family’s favorite meals.

What are your favorite meals, or your family’s favorite meals? Favorite doesn’t have to mean complicated, it just means meals I know we will eat. Items included on this list for us are:

  • chicken pie
  • chicken enchiladas
  • chicken soup, with noodles or with rice
  • chicken breasts
  • tacos, ground beef or chicken
  • pork roast
  • pork chops
  • smoked sausage gumbo (crock pot)
  • andouille sausage and grits
  • kielbasa and pierogi
  • BLTs
  • ham and sweet potatoes
  • beef stew
  • meatloaf
  • chili (crock pot)
  • burgers (summer)
  • pot roast
  • fish, shrimp
  • stuffed pepper casserole
  • egg roll in a bowl
  • breakfast for dinner, etc.

Right there, for us, are more than 20 ideas. Now consider that these days I make a big batch of two or three meals once a week and then reheat them, with veggies or a salad. With 20 ideas, that is 6-7 weeks of planning, if I wanted new ideas every week. And, I have to say, knowing that I have ideas for more than a month feels pretty great!

If you want to use meal planning to make changes and therefore are looking at new or different recipes, the same strategies hold true. Start with a list of recipes you would like to try, or foods that you want to incorporate into your plan. Try a new idea or a new food every week, and once you find winners, add them to your Favorites list!

The next two “Start with what you know” steps are related! We look at the schedule, we look at the inventory, we look back at the schedule and match things up, etc.

Take an inventory of what food you already own.

What is in the fridge, the freezer and the cabinets?

For example, on Saturday morning, I was getting ready to batch cook that evening for a few days. So I checked the freezer for what proteins we have on hand, and planned accordingly (chicken enchiladas and some lovely frozen, fully cooked lemon chicken).

The great thing about having a list of favorite meals and recipes is that I tend to have the ingredients for the items we eat the most often already on hand. So, the chicken enchiladas used homemade enchilada sauce, diced chicken, canned green chiles, canned black beans (I used red kidney because that is what was in the cabinet), tortillas and shredded cheddar cheese. All of which I had on hand.

I need to do more batch cooking later this week, and as I planned my batches for Saturday looked ahead at what else we might want to eat coming up, and added those items to my grocery list.

A suggestion that I will plant here is that, as you start this process for yourself, now would be a great time to Pantry Shop! What that means is to review your foods, checking for expiration dates and making sure everything is safe, and then incorporate what you have on hand into your meal plan for the next week or two. It’s a great way to clear clutter in the cabinets and also save some money by not grocery shopping this week!

Once we know what we have, take a look at your schedule for the next 7 days.

Consider, too, if you need to plan for breakfast, lunch and dinner each day, or just 2 meals or even just one. When my sons were little, we meal planned for dinner. Breakfast and lunch were easy and basic, but dinner was a little more complicated.

Now that I cook typically for just my husband and myself, our needs have changed. I still don’t plan for breakfast, but I factor in extra left overs because we tend to eat lunch at home more often with remote work. A friend who homeschools her children plans for all three meals every day because that makes her week flow more smoothly. Perhaps you don’t need that much detail. Your choice.

Also, when looking at the schedule, note days that either don’t need a meal, or perhaps need a special one. For example, my college student comes home on Friday for his Spring Break, so I’m guessing there will be pizza from our favorite local pizza place Rosangela’s for dinner, no need to cook that night!

So, before you say – No Way, Colleen, meal planning is way too much work! Or, before you decide you have to make HUGE Changes, which by the way are really difficult to implement and maintain, let’s start with what we know. We know ourselves, we know our favorites, we know our inventory and we know our schedule! Start with what is in front of you. Just start!

Eliminate Brain Clutter With A Cranial Cleanse

In a recent Finish Line Friday session, one of my regular participants mentioned she was working on “The Smalls” during our time together.  She explained that it was the end of a very busy week.  She had been home long enough between events and appointments to make piles but not to put away the piles. She said “Every room had a pile of smalls.”

And the other participants nodded understandingly because we’ve all been there.  Regularly!

That always makes me smile. Not because someone is struggling, but because most of us understand what “The Smalls” means.

And because the words  – The Smalls – sound funny to me and many people express frustration about The Smalls, in sometimes passionate and colorful language! For example, I have another friend and client who, when I ask her what we’re working on today, will occasionally say “The Smalls, Coll!  It’s The Smalls!” with perhaps some frustration and colorful words!

Here’s the thing:

The Smalls can be physical things in our spaces.

They can be a jumble of papers on the kitchen counter, the pile of Lego bits, Barbie shoes and puzzle pieces at the bottom of a bin of toys, or the contents of an everything drawer in the kitchen. (I personally don’t call them junk drawers, because if you call it a junk drawer, guess what ends up inside?)  If the person I mentioned in my first example is like me, the smalls in every room that she mentioned are bag contents from meetings and events, random clothing items or shoes at the back door that have been cycled through and now need to be put away, neglected amazon boxes and mail at the front door, etc.

Bear in mind, none of these items is technically clutter.  They are all things we obviously need, use or love – they just need tended to.

But they pile and they distract and they call out to us for attention and energy.

Which leads me to – The Smalls can be thoughts and ideas in our brains.

“Small” doesn’t indicate importance, or in the definition of “small”, perhaps un-importance, but instead their size.  “The Smalls” means that SO MANY MORE can fit in a space.  Like I have 100 ideas or to-dos or tasks in my brain and they’re all crammed in there making each look small. And they’re all clamoring to get out!

Some of the challenges with The Smalls, either on the kitchen counter or in our brain:

  • There are MANY.
  • They aren’t just clutter.  They are likely important and require care and attention.
  • Right now, they are unsorted and un-categorized.
  • They are not prioritized in order of importance.
  • We believe that the small are important.  And we don’t want them to get lost.
  • We fear The Smalls will get lost.  We fear that brilliant blog post idea that just came to us will disappear, then we worry about that so long that it does disappear, or we forget other things while we spend mental energy on trying to REMEMBER EVERYTHING!
  • The Smalls DO get lost, and then we forget appointments, emergencies happen, feelings are hurt, etc.

Another regular participant in my Finish Lind Friday productivity sessions has used great imagery when we talk about what we plan to accomplish that day.

Imagine a room full of helium balloons with strings attached.

Now, gesture with your hands to collect those strings.  That is what she is often working on, on a Friday. Gathering loose ends, she calls it, with that gesture. Gathering them together.

And a coaching client, in our time working together, even created her own Loose Ends List, to collect The Smalls and all the other ideas / thoughts / tasks that occur to her and then require completion.

I want to applaud all four people that I have mentioned – they identify The Smalls, they identified the need to consistently collect The Smalls, and they have habits and ways to collect and deal with them.

Two Big Ideas this week.

In the interest of writing this article this week, I opened up my copy of “Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity” by David Allen, thinking I needed to re-read it to write this article. And I am … proud? Relieved? Yes, those feelings and more, to find out that since I read this book many years ago, I implemented and am still doing many of the things he talks about (and he talks about them clearly and concisely and the book is totally worth the read.) And I can do better, and I will share more about this book and his process in future podcasts and articles.

First big idea, this is a great book, check it out (and I mean, actually check it out of your local library – no need to buy it!).

To get started, though, in Getting Things Done, David Allen talks about collection. How first, we need to COLLECT all the thoughts and ideas in our head and get them out of our head and into a more user friendly, time specific, prioritized form.  He mentioned, among other things, a Mind Sweep.

Others call it a Brain dump, though I find that an inelegant phrase. My friend Jen recommended Cranial Cleanse when I asked my community for a better term for Brain Dump.

Whatever we call it, Mind Sweep or Cranial cleanse, it is a great place to start.

And it requires a place to put the collected items. For me, that means my Bullet Journal first, to collect items.  Then I insert them into my master to – do list to prioritize and take action.

But let’s talk about the collecting. I no longer do a cranial cleanse like David Allen recommends, as in, an event, because it is a constant process for me – I am ALWAYS doing a cranial cleanse.

For example, when I am working or out running errands, thoughts occur to me, like an idea or a task that needs completed, and I quickly jot it down.

Because…

Have You Noticed? Another problem is that very often a thought or idea or task occurs to us at a moment when we do not have time to act on it.

This

Happens

To

Me

All

The

Time.

I have noticed that certain events generate more thoughts and ideas.  For example, when I am driving.

When driving, my brain is focused on driving but also open to outside stimuli (which is a good thing while driving), subsequently ideas often come to me while I drive.  OR while I cook, or while I’m in the shower.

This goes back to the recent podcast and newsletter that talks about If I Don’t Write It Down, It Doesn’t Exist. 

The other side of that is, If I don’t capture and collect the ideas when they occur, they continue to float around in my brain with nowhere to go, and that makes things very crowded up there with all The Smalls! 

My suggestion, then, for all of this week – the Second Big Idea – is to have a trusted place to collect the ideas and cultivate a habit of collecting them.

I love my Bullet Journal, and that will be a live webinar sometime soon to look at how to make Bullet Journaling happen for you – but the take away is that I have ONE PLACE to write things down. 

It goes with me everywhere.

It is always ready to collect the ideas and safely hold on to them. To get all The Smalls out of my brain so there is room and space to actually get some work done.

And then I have the regular daily habit of reviewing those ideas, prioritizing and activating those ideas and putting them into  my master-to-do list or on the calendar, etc.

We can’t avoid The Smalls, and really, we don’t want to.  The Smalls are where it’s at, sometimes!  The genius is in The Smalls!  But not when all of the Smalls are cramped together in our brain. 

We need the habit of moving The Smalls out of our brain and into a trusted collector. And then the habit of prioritizing and acting on them, too!  This is how we get things done.

Who’s On The Team? (Wellness Edition)

Who is on the team?

I’m going to be real and honest this week.  Well, I’m always real and honest, but I am going to talk about things that are a little uncomfortable to talk about because… well… sometimes we need to do the uncomfortable things.

Because they’re the right things to do, even if they’re uncomfortable.

Before we go too far today, I want to start with the end in mind:

  • We need to de-mystify medical issues, wellness and prevention, and we need to talk about stuff.
  • I’m fine. 
  • I am very appreciative of my team, of knowing that I am not alone and that I have very smart people I can call.
  • We need to pursue prevention and wellness in positive terms.
  • I am encouraging all of us this week to map out our plan and make our appointments for 2024.

I am happy to say, I took care of all the recommended wellness screenings and vaccinations for my age group in 2023.  Before you think I’m bragging, trust me – I’m not.  In full transparency, I received my results from the test I took instead of having a colonoscopy on December 28.  So to say I took care of them in 2023… well, I just squeaked that last test into 2023.

The question I want to ask us today is “Who is On The Team?” And let’s think of them as a team, as people who are smarter than us in certain areas and who are here to help us.

This week, that is in health care terms. Here’s the story:

It’s Spring, 2020. I had created a great team, I thought, over the last 20 years with a gynecological practice and primary care practice in the same clinical building.  And then… just as I really needed them in 2020, my gynecologist who delivered all three children retired, the clinical building closed and all the doctors left with no follow up for over 3 months.

Because of that experience, I realize just how important it is to have A Team. And to think of wellness and prevention in positive terms.

I’m always on track with my annual gynecological exams and my mammogram. I struggled with medical issues starting in the summer of 2020 that culminated with a major gynecological surgery in February of 2021, so staying on top of those issues is more important to me than ever and I never miss a year.

However, because I had done so much medical stuff in the 6 months leading up to that surgery, I did not get an annual general physical exam or lab work, etc., in 2022. 

But, I understand the importance of regular screenings and preventive medicine.  I encourage all of us to understand that and to make time NOW to take care of ourselves to save time and heartache later.  So in 2023 I re-committed to prevention and re-examined my team.

I made the calls that needed to be made, I made the appointments, I did the work.  Did I like all of it?  No.  Did I do it anyway?  Yes.  Because, like in organizing, maintenance in wellness is where is the secret and foundation to success.

In 2023, I had not yet had a colonoscopy, even though recent changes to the recommendations tell us that we should start getting those at 45 years old, and let’s face it, I am more than 45 years old. And as my otherwise totally chill and relaxed gynecologist said very strongly at my appointment with her in July, there are worse things than getting a colonoscopy – Like GETTING COLON CANCER. 

In truth, I wasn’t actually worried about getting a colonoscopy.  My hurdles were navigating our insurance, setting aside 2 days to schedule the prep and exam, not wanting to bother anyone with needing to drive me, etc. So, at my annual physical in November, my primary care doctor mentioned Cologuard, a test I could do at home and then send in, and I thought that sounded like a great idea.  (And it still took me a few weeks to do it, after I got the kit!) The “everything looks good, you have 3 years until you have to do it again” were the results I received on December 28.

I am taking a while to get around to what I really want to talk about today.  I added another member to the team recently.  For much of 2023, I had a spot on the right side of my nose that just wouldn’t heal.  It would almost heal, and then I would wake up and it would be bleeding again. 

I am a fair-skinned Irish girl. I have worn SPF 35 or more every day for 23 years. I have two colors – white and red.  There is not much in-between for me.  I have family members who have had skin cancer.  I knew I needed to make the call.  I hesitated for a while because my son was getting married in late September, and I didn’t want to have surgery before that.  It isn’t reasonable, of course, to think this way, but it is what I thought.

So, right after the wedding, I made the appointment for a skin screening, and that screen occurred the first week of November.  They completed a thorough skin screening and took a biopsy of the spot on my nose.  This may sound strange, but even though the dermatologist was also concerned about the spot on my nose, I left the office that day feeling so relieved, knowing that except for that spot, the rest of my skin looked good and healthy. 

I received the results the week after Thanksgiving, that I have a basal cell carcinoma on my nose and it needs to be removed. Let me assure you, this is the blandest, least concerning type of skin cancer there is and I am perfectly fine.  You can google it, if you’d like, goodness knows I did.  And now, I have a Mohs procedure (you can google that, as well) scheduled in two weeks to remove the spot.

Did I want to have the dermatologist appointment?  No.  Did I want to have the screening? No, because I was worried about what they would find. Again, not logical thinking, I know, but that was my thinking nonetheless. And because I was worried, it was EVEN MORE IMPORTANT TO MAKE IT HAPPEN.

What’s really interesting is that now that I have to take a few weeks off around the procedure for recovery and have spoken to clients, friends and peers about scheduling, I have heard just how common this procedure is. Thirty percent of fair skinned people will have it in their life time. As soon as I mentioned that I have to do this, I learned that many people I know have already had this procedure. Which goes back to the the statement – we need to de-mystify medical conditions and talk about stuff more openly.

Which is what I am doing today.

So, back to the original question.

Who’s on the team?

  • My chiropractor, my massage therapist and my nutrition response testing provider (all at the same office), and I probably see them the most often;
  • dermatology practice;
  • gynecologist practice;
  • eye doctor (just had my 6 month check-up this past week);
  • my primary care doctor; and
  • my dentist.
  • I’ve also worked with and can call on them again – a nutritionist, a healer, a physical therapist, an oriental medicine practitioner and acupuncturist, and a therapist.
  • More importantly, who needs to be on your team? What are the recommended tests and screening for people your age? If you haven’t already scheduled those for 2024, may I gently suggest you give those some thought this week?

So, let’s review.

  • We need to de-mystify medical and wellness and prevention, and we need to talk about stuff.
  • We need to examine the excuses we tell ourselves, because sometimes those stories are wrong.
  • I’m fine. 
  • I am very appreciative of my team, of knowing that I am not alone, of knowing I have very smart people I can call, and of thinking about prevention and wellness in positive terms.
  • And I am encouraging all of us this week to map out our plan and make our appointments for 2024.

What does that look like for you?

Using the terminology from last week’s podcast and article, start with the easy and the obvious.

Schedule your dentist appointments, your eye doctor appointment, your annual physical. You don’t have to complete them right now, but please, get them on the calendar for some time in 2024. And if doing that all at once feels overwhelming, place a reminder on the first day of each month to call one office and make one appointment. Or, make that note for your birthday of the month – meaning, for me, the 7th of every month could be wellness day. I always use my birthday in the Fall as a reminder to get my flu shot.

If you don’t know what the recommended screenings are for your age group, ask your primary care provider or google it. Have the uncomfortable conversations, make the tough phone calls. Be the leader of your wellness team and make your plan!

To paraphrase the words of my doctor last summer, what’s worse than the screenings and vaccines to prevent illness? Actually having the illness! Mobilize that team!

Start With The Easy and Obvious. Just Start.

Let’s Start with Starting. 

Some days, our most important word is “start”.

I received a text from a client this week. She is delightful. I work with the most amazing people.

She is an in-person organizing client.  We were scheduled to work together later that day, and she was thinking through her project list and what she wanted to accomplish that day. She has a few high priority projects and determining where specifically we needed to spend our time since we would not be able to accomplish all the projects in the time we had scheduled. She didn’t know if we should start on putting away the Christmas decoration bins or start on the basement storage space or start on the clean and dirty laundry in the primary bedroom and walk-in closet.

And, of course, this is a great question to ask. Where to spend our time? But more importantly, of course, is that all of those options start with the word start. Because if we want to make progress in any direction we have to start. 

In this case, we started with the easy and the obvious, with the big project RIGHT IN FRONT OF US, which was laundry.

If you also wonder where to start on your organizing projects, here is the answer:

  • Start with the easy and the obvious.
  • Start with a project that is small.
  • Start with a project that is completely straightforward and un-emotional.
  • Start with the project that you’ve already made progress on or is almost done.
  • Start with the obvious. If you want to organize your kitchen today, load up the dishwasher and clean out the sink first before you open one cabinet or drawer. 
  • Start with the easy.  Take out all the trash and recycling.  Those are already-made decisions and getting that all out the door can jump start our motivation.
  • Start with what is on the floor in front of you, because that will make taking a next step easier.
  • Of course, You can always start with the hard and intimidating, too, but that is a topic for another article!

Just so you know, this article is not just about physical organizing.

My organizing work also utilizes the skills I’ve learned in coaching because in the best organizing sessions, the conversation stays solidly with the client, the client gains awareness, we utilize clear communication and powerful questions, and we set my client up to continue to succeed.

This client texted me that she was overwhelmed. She had small children home this week due to the cold and snow here in Chicago. The holidays wrapped up less than a month ago.  January activities are in full swing. I say all of this because, hey, who among us hasn’t felt overwhelmed?

She was asking for guidance around prioritizing work and projects.  She is clear on what her projects are but was sorting out where was the best place to start.  She was crafting her plan for our time together based on needs (hooray!!!).  And for our purposes that day, the answer was Start with the Easy and the Obvious.

So regardless of if we’re working on organizing a bedroom or in coaching, setting our professional goals for 2024, the process and questions are similar!

We determine needs – in my client’s example, the needs were physical spaces that needed to be organized, for better functioning of her home and therefore some peace of mind. 

Next, how do we prioritize? What shall we do, first , second, third, etc.? Let’s make sure that what we’re working on, in organizing or in coaching, is important. That it will move us towards our goals, will improve our lives. Let’s think it through.

For this client, we could look at our three options, Christmas bins, storage space or clothes, and we could acknowledge that all three were important but taking care of the clothes and laundry would help immediately.  So, we started with the Easy and the Obvious right in front of us.

And once we know what to do and when, let’s actually make the work happen.

SO THEN WE START.  And the twist here is that STARTing is the easy and obvious step to take.

My client started the work when we set the appointment for this week a month ago. 

She started the work when she reached out to me earlier in the day to tell me that she was overwhelmed but still willing to work.

She started the work when she texted me to talk through priorities.

And when I got to her house, after we talked through things a little bit longer, we DOVE IN and made great progress on the clothes / laundry / bedroom project.

If you, too, are wondering where to start on your organizing projects, let’s review.

  • Start with the easy and the obvious.
  • Start with a project that is small or impersonal or already started or almost complete.
  • Start with what is right in front of you.
  • Just start.

What does that look like for you this week?  Sure, this has been about an organizing project, but let’s ask the question about you personally.

What is easy and obvious? What simple things can you change to make things better in 2024? 

  • Want to eat healthier?  Bring home healthy foods.
  • More exercise or movement?  Every time that idea occurs to you, stand up and move around your space.
  • Improve your relationships? Text a friend.
  • Better sleep in 2024? Got to bed.  No really.

Start.  Just start.

Everything? Sure, But Not All At Once!

I was chatting with one of my Finish Line Friday participants last week before everyone else arrived in my zoom room. Not surprisingly, we were talking about goal setting for the new year. I said out loud, as a reminder to her and to me, that “2024 is 12 Months Long.”

Meaning, we have a lot of time and opportunity to make positive change and we don’t have to stuff everything into the first week.

And that really resonated with her.

Because, of course, every year is 12 months long. January, even when we try to pack all sorts of new habits and change in, is 31 days long. No more, no less.

Some years, we start out strong and believe that we need to change EVERYTHING ALL AT ONCE when the new year begins. And we set our selves up for failure or major anxiety when we think that way. Instead, let’s consider pacing ourselves.

On the other hand, I had grand plans for EVERYTHING at once when it comes to strategic planning in January.

6 weeks ago, I made sure to block out time on the calendar last week and this week for hours of strategic planning time to work on my editorial calendar, get ahead on my writing and plan my year in detail. And… as is often the case when it comes to big-picture strategic planning, more urgent issues squeezed into the space instead.

This is not to say that I am not planning strategically for the year this week. It IS to say, that I am using smaller pieces of time to do the planning. And as an aside, I will block MORE time at the end of 2024 and beginning of 2025 to ensure some sacred space for planning!

The balance seems to be, then – Everything? Sure. But NOT ALL AT ONCE!

Here goes – this week, I am working on the Qs.

I use a Bullet Journal. I have mentioned it in past podcasts and videos, but I haven’t delved too deeply. And I feel that it is time to delve deeply!

And one of the features for the Bullet Journal is called a Future Log. As we set up our Bullet Journals, we start with a few index pages (a topic for another day), and then we set up our Future Log.

I, like many others, break my year into quarters. Quarter 1 is January, February and March, Quarter 2 is April, May and June, etc.

This year on my future log so far, I have:

  • Q1, a procedure in February
  • Q1, coaching certification to complete by March 1
  • Q1, Liturgy planning for Easter on March 31
  • Q2, a wedding in Maryland
  • Q3, family vacation
  • Q3, moving my son to his college apartment
  • Q3, a trip to Massachusetts

There are also doctor appointments, presentations, client appointments and board meetings on the calendar for 2024. But those are typical items and don’t need to be in the Future Log. The Future Log and the Qs are for tracking big projects.

Working with quarters helps my brain every day.

Some of us stumble into all or nothing thinking, and that sort of thinking can disrupt our reason, our logic, our productivity and our peace.

With the Q’s and the future log, I have a consistent and reliable place to park ideas that are AMAZING but that do not need to be worked into today’s plan or this week’s, or even this month.

Yesterday, I had a meeting with my social media manager. We are working on a big launch for Q1, but then she asked (without knowing what this week’s topic was going to be) if we could look at Q2 and beyond as well. YES!!

We don’t want to lose track of the good ideas we have, but now or even this quarter may not be the time to tackle them.

I have a big project for a professional organization I am affiliated with that will take time in Q1 and Q2, so any other big projects will need to be planned for Q3 or Q4.

I also look back at last year’s Q’s, the plan for each quarter and also the list of things I completed. And I can learn from that, as I plot my Qs for this year as I look ahead. For example,

  • Last year, especially in the second and third quarters, I was helping my mom downsize and move to her new very cute apartment. I will not need to do that this year, as she is already settled. More importantly, my son and his wife got married the end of September! Amazing, but also not something I need to plan for again this year!
  • On the other hand, also 3rd quarter last year, we spent a lot of time with one of my sons and his friends at the lake, and that was awesome, so I should make note now on my planning for July to spend weekends with them, if they’d like.

We can zoom out from the day-to-day or even week-to-week planning, and look at our year in broader strokes or as a bigger picture. We can pair up what we want to accomplish this year with the time that we have available. We can cut ourselves some slack and recognize that we can accomplish great things AND not wear ourselves out and doom our goals before we even begin by pacing our work and our energy for the longer term.

We can let our ideas flourish by giving them a resting place until we are ready to act on them.

Consider your 2024 Qs this week and this month, and set yourself up to succeed in 2024!

Rest and Refresh This Week To Start 2024 Strong

Last week, I took a short road trip to pick up my youngest son at college for his Christmas Break. He will be home with us for a month. I take a lot of road trips, since my sons and family are sprinkled around the Midwest, and if it’s a solo drive, I have a plan to use my travel time effectively. One of my activities on last week’s trip was to listen to my most recent podcast episode.

Yes, I do that. Consider it quality assurance. The other part of that us, I like my podcast. I like the format, I live the positivity, I like the message and the length. In truth, I want to find and listen to more podcasts like mine.

First, I listened to the most recent EP Podcast, hosted by my producer Chris. Then I listened to my most recent episode and I talked about prioritizing our tasks using the Eisenhower Box. Then I moved on to The Daily Fire from Brendon Burchard through his Growth Day App, of which I am a member.

And that day’s episode? This multi-million dollar professional speaker and author and personal development expert? He was talking about… the Eisenhower Box. (For the record, my episode came out on Tuesday that week, and his didn’t come out until Thursday… just saying…)

He’s talking about the Eisenhower box. He was talking about prioritizing! And many of his ideas resonated, but one specifically stood out for me, and I need to share.

He mentioned that this time of year is so busy, and that we need to take breaks so that we don’t start our new year exhausted.

Yes.

That.

So we don’t start our new year exhausted.

Lately, I have been eluding to this idea, but I don’t know if I have been specific.

In the past few weeks,

  • I’ve talked about maintaining our healthy habits in this busy time, how it’s more important than ever to do so.
  • I have mentioned a few ways to handle productivity and self care in this very busy season.
  • We’ve looked at how to get things done when all the world is a distraction and also how to incorporate some holiday joy in there, too.
  • In terms of getting things done and also taking care of ourselves, I have suggested delegating what we can delegate to others, or deleting unimportant tasks completely.
  • I suggested starting your January list, for ideas that are good but that we don’t have time to tackle in December.

We’ve covered all of those topics in December, and so let’s get clear on the end goal. If I haven’t been specific enough, the goal is to survive this crazy season, obviously, and also to Thrive.

Survival, okay, survival is essential, right? We’ve got to survive, but also to be ready to thrive if we’re not already thriving. 

We want to set ourselves up to succeed, and not just around the holidays. We’re taking care of ourselves and getting things done, personally and professionally, so that we aren’t behind or exhausted or feeling ill or depleted when January arrives.

Survive the holidays and maintain a level of health and well being and happiness, and joy and to do all those things.  Because, the job isn’t done on December 25th, or December 31. Life continues. 

What I’m hoping we all can do is not only survive the holidays and maintain whatever level of health and well being and productivity we seek, but also thrive. Flourish. That is next level, right? That is actually making progress, in addition to survival and maintenance.

I know that’s a lot to ask. I am not suggesting to tackle a huge work project, start a rigorous work out routine, or any other unrealistic expectations for these holiday weeks.

What I am hoping for all of us, is that we have some opportunity this week, this last week of the year and maybe the first week of January, while the world is still in holiday mode or the schedules are still a little different that other times of year, to rest, to dream, to enjoy, to thrive. 

Spend some time looking at the lights, drinking cocoa in your pjs and listening to Christmas carols (because the 12 Days of Christmas are the 12 Days AFTER, not the days before). Spend time with your 2023 planner to revel and take note of your successes accomplishments.

And spend time with your 2024 planner, to dream. Dream some dreams for 2024. Set some goals.

Let’s take some time to revel, to bask, to meditate, to sleep in. One strategy I have to get things done around the holiday is to get up an hour earlier. I am really looking forward to re-setting my morning alarm to 5:30 or even 6 am.

I look forward to maybe a couple of days when I don’t have to hop right up and head out to a client appointment or start a call. I look forward to having only one or two things to think about instead of dozens!

I love my clients, I love the service projects I’ve completed in December AND It will be nice to slow down and rest and revel and refresh.

Let’s take a few moments or days to survive and thrive. Because we likely need to, but also to start out the new year strong and rested and calm. M and bright eyed and wide eyed. That’s my hope for all of us. Let’s be as intentional with our rest and recovery for a little bit as we have been for our productivity and to-do lists.

Positive Self Talk Changes Your Life In A Good Way!

Did you know?  Statistically speaking, the person you speak to most in your day is… Yourself.

Let’s say, when you’re in your car alone for extended periods of time, you may discover you have a tendency to talk to yourself. (Ok, maybe that’s just me.) For example, I recorded the content of this article on a late night solo drive home from seeing my son in a show in Indiana.

I know I have a tendency to talk to myself. A funny thing, early in lockdown when we were suddenly 5 people in the house together ALL THE TIME, my husband asked me about the conversations I was having with myself!

Do you talk to yourself? (The answer is likely “Yes”, whether out loud or just in your head). And more importantly, what do you say?

Today I want to talk about the importance of positive self talk.

We all learn in different ways. We have ways of processing, learning, organizing. In coaching we refer to these as processing modalities. The 4 most commonly discussed are seeing or visual learners, doing or kinesthetic learners, hearing or auditory learners, and speaking, or verbal learners. And we’re all a blend of all of those. Someone who learns by speaking out loud is called a verbal learner or a verbal processor.

A strength of mine is to verbally process. I am a paid, professional speaker, and a professional cantor, which means I get paid to sing. I enjoy podcasting, and writing articles and sending out a newsletter to my community for the last 15 years. Obviously, verbal processing and communicating for me is a strength. I learn things as I hear myself say them out loud. If you aren’t a verbal processor, it’s possible that you don’t understand what I was just talking about. But if you are a verbal processor or know one!, you will know exactly what I’m talking about when I say that.

What we say matters, and what we hear ourselves say matters.

Imagine with me: I was working with a client a few weeks ago. She is such a treasure, just delightful. My client is a verbal processor, and she was talking to me because I was in the space with her, but mostly she was thinking out loud – verbally processing – as we worked on organizing and clearing clutter in her space.

She was thinking out loud, verbalizing what was going on in her mind. She was doing a great job. She was asking herself really good questions. Do I need this? How can I set this space up best? And she was open to questions from me, as well, to help her through the process. She knew the questions to ask herself, and we held space together for her to work through those, with support if she wanted to talk things out a little more. (That is one of the beauties of coaching, so awesome).

She was thinking out loud and at one point got frustrated with herself and started to say more negative things.

And

then

she

stopped.

She stopped, and realized what she was doing and shifted to saying beautiful, loving and kind things to herself instead. And I was there to witness this beautiful habit.

Our self talk tends to trend negative. Too often, my inner monologue can trend to “Colleen, what is wrong with you? How could you let it get to this?” I think that can happen to all of us.

And we can say out loud that that’s not helpful. As a coach, well, really as a fellow human being, I would never ask you those questions because first of all, they’re mean. And secondly, they’re wrong.

I admired her awareness that the negative self talk was happening. I admired that she know that negative self talk was not a good and healthy habit. And SHE CHANGED HER BEHAVIOR!

Just like my client, when our self talk turns negative, we need to be aware that it’s happening, know that we need to change and then make the change!

Our negative self-talk is often a product of other messages we receive, from society or a teacher in 2nd grade or a sharp-tongued loved one as we grew up. And we can start believing it, even when we know the messages are not helpful and maybe even wrong. Whether it’s right or wrong, true or not true to us, the repetition can make us us start to believe it.

There is good news, though! I am here to share that the opposite is true, too. My client changed her inner soundtrack to positive self talk. So can you. And so can I.

BECAUSE HAVING A POSITIVE INTERNAL SOUNDTRACK CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE IN A GOOD WAY!

We need to shift our inner monologue, our personal narrative, our self talk. If we tell ourselves over and over, silently or out loud, that we are too busy and too stressed and the week is a total mess at 7 am on Monday, then – well – that is what we will believe. Except that is not helpful and that is not true.

Let’s shift that self talk. We need to be positive with ourselves because some times the world is harsh enough. Right? We don’t need anybody else telling us that it’s a hard life or a hard day, etc. We already know that. We don’t need to say it because it just reinforces the negative. I am not suggesting to lie to ourselves or ignore the obvious, but we can be our own best friend, our own biggest fan and cheerleader, and set ourselves up to succeed.

Every morning, I say out loud my “I Am Statements”. I start my day with positive self talk. And if I say them out loud but still are not feeling positive, I say them all again! Here’s what I say:

  • “I am stronger,
  • I am worthy,
  • I am wealthy,
  • I am loved,
  • I am vibrant,
  • I am wise,
  • I am beautiful,
  • I am smart,
  • I am kind,
  • I am patient,
  • I am generous,
  • I am successful,
  • I am healthy,
  • I am humble,
  • I am grateful,
  • I am brave,
  • I am blessed,
  • I am a blessing,
  • I am forgiving,
  • I am committed to growth,
  • I am a learner,
  • I am a builder,
  • I am committed to being my best self,
  • I am a Child of God.”

What do you want someone to say to you? Be that supportive person for yourself!

What can you say to yourself every day, to make your day and outlook more positive?

How can you be kind to yourself?

Make your list! Make it as long or as short as you want! (Check out Pinterest or Instagram if you need inspiration!!!)

I was speaking with a coaching client a few weeks ago. She has been working through some really difficult tasks over the past few months and I am so proud and happy for her and her progress. But much more importantly, SHE is proud of herself for doing difficult things and is happy with her progress. And she said, as we were discussing her positive self talk, “There are some things I have to say out loud.  Just thinking them isn’t loud enough.” Isn’t that awesome? The good stuff can’t be kept inside – just thinking them isn’t loud enough, they need to be said out loud!

Let’s say the good stuff out loud!!

Arriving On Time, in 5 Minute Increments!

You are a responsible human being.

Congratulations!

You make a conscious decision to not procrastinate on important thingsAlso, congratulations.

You have places to go and things to do, and you leave with time to get where you need to go.

Aces.

You don’t like to be late, and you don’t like to add unnecessary stress to your, or anyone else’s, day.

Rock on. 

And yet… sometimes you still run late.  Or get stressed. (And you can still be an amazing and responsible human being and still occasionally run late.)

But, what gives?

At an event last week, a person asked me exactly this question.

They do all the right things. 

They pay attention to their calendar, their schedules.

They respect their own time and others’ time.

They have a realistic time estimate of how long their regular commutes take.

They allot the proper amount of time to get where they are going.

This is all great news.

But they mentioned that even for the event that we were both attending that day, having left the office with what they considered plenty of time to get to where they were going, they still felt like they were running late and made it just on time.  There were clearly still snags, so we chatted some more.

The obvious fix could be adding in a few minutes extra for just in case, like just in case they got stopped by a co-worker in the hallway.  But they already do that.

So I asked a few more questions, since they have already conquered so many stumbles around planning, respect and awareness.  And because they were arriving with no time to spare and also still stressed.

And I asked if, when they were getting ready to leave to come to this event, if they had factored in the extra two or three minutes we all need as transition time.  And the answer was no.

You know, the “not necessarily-stand up and immediately leave their office” part, but the three to four minutes of small tasks that they might need to complete between the standing up and the leaving the office.

For example, taking their phone off the charger and putting it in their pocket.

Making sure they have their ID and key fob so they can get back in the office.

Checking the outside temperature on the weather app to determine if they need to grab their jacket.

Or glancing out the window and running back for an umbrella.

Getting almost to the door, and then taking the moment to log off their computer because they need to safely do that because they work in a shared workspace and they need to be safe and responsible with their computer.

Maybe they need to find their glasses or sunglasses.

You know, the “Pat the Pockets” sequence that takes time.

A client called it the floss and gloss, with a mirror next to the back door to check her smile.

So phone, keys, glasses.

So it’s not even necessarily like other people distracting them at this point, but it’s recognizing that very often stand up is also not leave time factor in anybody else into that equation.

In my article and podcast Never Be Late Again, we call this the difference between Load Time and Leave time

And, what if this person was going to walk across campus with a friend, and now they have to wait for their friend’s Pat the Pockets sequence.

The first suggestion for this person to arrive on time and and stress less is to be aware of what those leaving the office tasks are and how long they take, and factor those few extra minutes into their commute time.

The second suggestion  I had for this person to get better at leaving and arriving on time and stressing less is to take a few well-placed minutes at the end of our trip, too.  I called this the ambulance driver analogy in a recent podcast. But here is how it played out just yesterday here at my desk.

We went to the Bears Game yesterday.  It was a beautiful day on the lakefront, a great day for a football game, and we won! 

Security has special bag requirements so I carried my needed items (id, credit card, a few dollars, lip balm, a car key) in my pocket.   The usual, right?  And when I got  home, everything came out of my pocket and into a pile on my desk (it’s right by the door), before I changed my clothes and grabbed a glass of water. And within a few minutes, I sat down at my desk and filed all the things.  ID, cash and credit card back to my wallet, and wallet back in my purse. Key back on the keyring and clipped to my purse. Sunglasses and lip balm back in the front pocket of my purse. And if I do this consistently and trust the process, I don’t have to add the 10 minutes panicked scramble to find my car keys to my leaving the house next time process!

Next up are the 5 minutes dedicated to hidden time leaks.

This suggestion is inspired by a different conversation I had at the same event.  I was chatting with a fellow presenter about mom-time.  Because we do not live in a perfect world. 

We discussed planning for her child’s doctor appointment. And how if the appointment is at 10 am, and it takes 5 minutes to get there and 5 minutes to park and walk in, we still need to head out the door 30 minutes before.  Because…

  • someone will have forgotten something and need to run back in the house for it;
  • there are always forms to fill out;
  • it’s only one floor and you could take the stairs more quickly but the kids love to ride the elevator; and / or
  • doctor appointments are stressful enough without also running late for them.

We called this mom-time, because it happens to us all the time as moms.  But it could happen to any of us, truly.

Those unsaid words as we set up a doctor appointment – always leave time to fill out paperwork!, or always leave time to find a parking spot (hey, I live in Chicago, it’s a thing!), or if it’s winter, always leave time to scrape your car window if there’s snow or ice.

And the final 5 minute suggestion has to do with 5 minutes the day before

I’ve talked about Many Bag Days recently. 

And the event that I mentioned from last week?  Yes, that was a five bag day. Started the day (bag #1) with an early client appointment(bag #2), had to change my clothes (bag #3) and then head to this networking event where I was presenting (bags #4 and 5). Yes, it was a 5 Bag Day. 

And when I say I have a many bag day, those bags have to get packed at some point in my house and then also get into my car. So, the bags have to get packed, get lined up at the back door and then get into the car.

And really, that process starts with a few minutes per bag of planning. 

  • The purse and the go bag are always packed and ready.
  • But, the days I need to pack clothes for a costume change?  (I call that ‘pulling a superman’) Yep, I need to choose my clothes/shoes/jewelry and get it ready to travel.
  • And the presenting days?  For this event, I pulled out my promotional items, extra handouts, a bowl of candy (of course), clipboard and pens, a snack and a water bottle.  And I check all that over a day ahead, in case I need to restock anything.
  • None of these steps take a lot of time.  But if I left them all to the end, to the As I AM LEAVING THE HOUSE moment, I would be sooooo late.

The bags were waiting for me because the night before, I took time to mentally walk through my next day and determine what it was that I needed to do. Pre-planning is essential, because a Many Bag Day only works if the bags are already packed well before, or at least a bit before, we need to leave.

So, success in leaving and therefore arriving on time relies on small but consistent and quick habits around pre-planning, leaving and arriving.

Yes, we need to understand how long it takes us to get places, realistic time estimates are essential.

AND there are additional habits we can put in place to make our days run more smoothly. Adding in a few minutes before we leave, when we arrive home, added to our trip time and also the day before can make every transition more successful!

October is ADHD Awareness Month: More Than Just Awareness

October is ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) Awareness Month.

Last week, I spoke with one of my accountability partners, Laine.  Laine is the ADHD Coach that I want to be when I grow up. She’s amazing. If you’d like to know more, check out her website at http://thinkinganddoingskillscenter.com/.  She is always looking to reach and positively impact more students and adults with her coaching. 

On our accountability call, we discussed that this is the time of year when mid-quarter progress reports go home, and for many students, we find out that they are struggling with their grades and workload.

Perhaps a student hasn’t been diagnosed but the teacher or school administrator may start the conversation regarding testing and diagnosis. 

OR perhaps a student is diagnosed with ADHD but they haven’t necessarily found the strategies or skills, or aren’t using them, or need to explore more to help them do as well as they could in school.

Laine and took a moment to share our own stories about our experiences with ADHD for either ourselves or loved ones.  And I realized that I don’t tell ADHD stories, and that’s a disservice to you and to me and anybody who has ADHD.

Today, I want to talk about what ADHD is and what it looks like in ourselves and the people around us. We will increase awareness around ADHD and some symptoms that go along with it, and mention the strategies and skills that can be used to improve the lives of EVERYONE, including folks with ADHD. 

See what I did there?  I reminded all of us that the strategies that help folks with ADHD to manage their neurodiversity are the same strategies that can help us all on any given day.

To get us started, I want to share a conversation I had recently with a friend about her grown child with ADHD.  And keep in mind – we are not doing an in-depth study of ADHD today, because that would be impossible in one day. 

Today, we are increasing awareness!

This grown child, this young adult, is doing great, professionally speaking. They recently graduated from college, they have a new job in their field of study, they’re really excited about it, they’re just doing great.

But this young adult struggles beyond that.  In addition to a new job, they also have a new living arrangement in this new stage of life. And they are really struggling with all the change, the expectation to set up a home and to manage themselves. 

Of course I can’t coach a person who’s not there, that’s not how that works.  But I can increase awareness with this young adult’s loved one who is trying to understand where their young adult is coming from, and how to help.  And I respect that.  We can all start by recognizing there is more going on with every person than we may be aware of.

First, I asked “is the young adult diagnosed or not?”, and the answer was yes. Next, I asked if they received counseling or therapy specifically around their ADHD and where they may struggle, and the answer was no.

So this friend and I simply worked on ADHD Awareness together.

First, I want you to click over to and read an article I wrote for the basics, ADHD Awareness Month, For Yourself and for Others.

It’s not necessarily that people with ADHD have symptoms that are completely different than anybody else in a busy time of life or any other time. What makes it troublesome and what leads many of us to either get tested or get our loved ones tested for ADHD or other neuro-diversities is if the struggles happen more than occasionally, or are negatively impacting a person’s life. And by life I mean relationships, how they succeed or excel in school or professionally, or in whatever it is that they’re trying to achieve.

So we all have challenges some days with achievement or focus or productivity or motivation, but it’s when those challenges negatively impacts life for a certain amount of time, those are the red flags that say, okay, there’s more going on here, and we need to ask if perhaps this person is neurodivergent. Again, many of us display these characteristics. It’s the severity and the comorbidities, like folks with ADHD also suffering from higher rates of anxiety or depression, that make ADHD troublesome.

Back to my friend and her young adult.

For this friend and her grown child, we discussed that this young adult is able to excel at work but their home life and relationships suffer, and they are exhausted all the time.  I mentioned that, whereas I might have a busy day at work and I need to come home and take a half hour to shift gears and decompress before staring my next activity, someone with ADHD has worked much harder to be productive at work and to manage their challenges and may need much more time to regroup.

Let’s understand Masking.

People with ADHD and other people as well learn to cover up what may be considered culturally undesirable behaviors.  So little ones learn to not blurt out answers in the classroom or hop out of their seats when their energy tells them otherwise.  And they learn to manage and mask, but it also takes effort to NOT act this way.

Let’s understand, too, a different type of masking:

Children with ADHD are often not diagnosed until they reach transitions like elementary school to middle school, or middle school to high school, or even high school to college.  Strong and supportive parenting and learning environments are AWESOME but occasionally ADHD goes undiagnosed until a student reaches the point when their external coping supports (parents and teachers) no longer make up for the challenges from their ADHD.

Let’s understand Hyperfocus

Another characteristic of ADHD is Hyperfocus. ADHD is often misunderstood and underdiagnosed because people with ADHD may be able to hyper-focus on something that is interesting to them.  This is why ADHD is not a full enough name, because “Attention Deficit” is not always true.

And, for many people with ADHD, they are paying Attention to EVERYTHING. Did you know? When a person with ADHD looks like they’re not paying attention, it’s actually very likely that they are paying attention to absolutely everything in the room.  If they’re listening to their teacher talk about math or to a friend tell a story, or they’re trying to focus on the email in front of them, they are also hearing every background sound there is.

They are noticing how their clothing feels at every point that it touches their body.

They are noticing the temperature of the air around them, and the smell of the space.

They are noticing everything. Any pains that might be in their body. They notice it all. It’s not that they’re not paying attention. Attention deficit is actually a misnomer in some ways, because they’re processing input from everything.

And so what may look like inattentiveness is actually the fact that they are processing everything all the time. And they might not even know what’s happening. And where you think that it is a character flaw, defiance or something else, it might very well be that they have so many different signals coming in at any given point that they’re just taking a bit of time to process.

And again, that’s not necessarily specific to ADHD, but it is a common trait of somebody with ADHD.

Let’s Also understand Bandwidth, or spoons.

All of us have a certain amount of energy and focus and motivation to get things done every day.  And once those commodities are used up for the day, it’s time for rest.    Some people call these units of measure spoons.  So each of us starts with a certain number of spoons to use throughout the day. 

With me so far?

All of us consume the spoons.  And if we’re sick or sad, we may have fewer spoons than normal.  And some days we have to do hard things, which uses up our spoons faster.

A person with ADHD may have the same amount spoons as you and me when they start their day.  But they may use them faster than we do because they have to make themselves focus and motivate and get things done in  a certain way that isn’t how their brain is wired to work.

Now, let’s talk about recovery.

Just as a neurotypical person needs to rest and re-fuel to face another day, so does, of course, a person with ADHD.  But it may take longer. In addition to using spoons faster than others, a person with ADHD may take longer to replace the spoons.  Even a person with ADHD who is managing themselves well and getting the support they need knows that they MUST employ strategies and skills to rest and replenish.  And we have to respect that.

Somebody with ADHD, because they have been dealing with all of these external stimuli for so long, can absolutely maintain for a bit, and then they’re exhausted. And what takes you and I perhaps an hour or two, or a good night’s sleep, to recuperate from could take them days.

And I think where all of this is leading me to is right here:

Your awareness of ADHD or now doesn’t validate or invalidate a friend or loved one with ADHD.  Yes, there are people out there who believe ADHD doesn’t exist.

But today I want to increase awareness.  I want to show all of us that we all struggle sometimes.  People with ADHD and people without ADHD.

As I started this topic today, I mentioned that we don’t know where people are coming from. But now we know  more.  We know better.  And I was quoted back to myself last week, apparently I often say “when we know better we must do better” (I will credit this to Maya Angelou). 

No one is broken and no one needs fixed.  We just need to understand more about others, be aware there is more happening than we know and be ready to support others by educating ourselves.  More than 10% of the population has ADHD, whether you or they have been diagnosed or not.  You may have ADHD, and I guarantee you know people with ADHD.  Some who struggle and some who manage well.

We need to understand that it’s happening, and support ourselves and others with understanding, communication and education.

There are resources out there to help. Coaching, counseling, therapy. 

CHADD, https://chadd.org/, Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD)

ADD.org, Attention Deficit Disorder Association

There are tools to help individuals manage their ADHD and to support the folks who support people with ADHD. The best indicator for success is for everyone to understand ADHD Better.