This week, in this country, we celebrate Independence Day.
I want to respect why we celebrate Independence Day, and also ask the question about the word independence – for ourselves, independence from what? What do we choose independence from, and what do we choose it for?
Whenever I hear the phrase, “The Fourth of July”, my brain goes to a silly joke. A traveler from the US goes to another country for vacation in the summer. He asks his hosts why they don’t have The Fourth of July in their country. The hosts assure him “of course we have The Fourth of July, right after the third and before the 5th. The calendar would look odd without it.” Or something along those lines.
So, I’ll stick with calling it Independence Day. But that also sends my brain down a little trail around the word “independence.” And that’s what I want to talk about today. Independence, as in being free of something. And free to do something else.
Is there something that you are currently dependent on, or a situation that you are currently in that you seek to be independent from? Let’s consider, is there a situation or relationship that isn’t currently working? And what would we choose instead?
Could you benefit from independence from a habit that is not supporting you? And what would we choose?
And let’s turn it into more positive language – perhaps it’s not independence from something. But, instead something that you’d like to see improved, enhanced. As in, if I made these positive changes, I could be independent to do x, y or z.
Whatever that looks like for you. Independence Day.
As I consider Independence, I’m reminded that sometimes we don’t even realize what we are dependent on. It is more likely that we haven’t identified the habits or things that we need independence from, and less likely that there just aren’t any.
Perhaps it’s a mindset, a way of thinking, that isn’t serving us.
How to?
- We start with knowing what it looks like when we’re being our best selves.
- We Identify what is keeping us from being our best selves.
- We break down those things, habits, ways of being that are in the way and we take action to change them.
- And, starting the process all over again. And that’s ok.
We can always be learning and improving.
What is it that you would need to become independent from? And what are we using our independence for?
As both an organizational coach and a certified professional organizer, let’s use Independence from Our Stuff as an example.
Perhaps you have unhealthy habits around your stuff, and you could benefit from independence from those habits and your stuff! I subscribe to emails from a woman named Dana White with the Website, YouTube channel etc., “A Slob Comes Clean”. In her content she talks about her “deslobification” journey and I really respect her insight and perspective of how a disorganized person got organized. It’s great, if you want to check her out.
Recently, she was talking about shopping, and how her negative habits around shopping were contributing to her mounting clutter. She mentioned that she used to go to garage sales and fill up the car all the time with more stuff because she was waiting for stuff to be the answer to her life questions.
She was creating bigger problems for herself by continuing with unhealthy habits.
To break free from the stuff, she also needed to be less dependent on the habits around acquiring more stuff. If this was you or me in this example, we can see that we need to break free of bad habits to become independent of our clutter.
What if you need to assert your independence from negative thoughts or thinking that isn’t helping you.
Working with a coaching client the other day, we were discussing how her thoughts often get stuck in a rut, just circling or spinning, without a way to move on from that spinning (and leaving her overwhelmed, stressed out, distracted, etc.).
Can you relate? I can relate.
This client was seeking independence from these swirling negative thoughts because she knew there was more happiness, peace and calm to be found on the other side.
She is sometimes unhappy, overwhelmed, distracted, etc. She is SUPER smart, accomplished professionally, has a satisfying personal life… and she still needs independence from her current thinking habits.
Again, can you relate? I can relate.
As we worked it through. She expressed what is going on in her head. She recognized where she wants to go and how she wants to be, and she recognized she isn’t there yet. She also identified what was holding her back from happiness and peace. And getting a handle on her swirling thoughts would give her the freedom to think how she wants to think.
Anecdotally, we discovered together that writing down the thoughts that were swirling in her head would give her a chance to inspect and organize them and also make a record her learning. So she wouldn’t have to keep thinking the same thoughts over and over again, and she could think about something else instead. Sounds like independence to me.
I will say that for me, I have, over time, broken free of or become more independent of my perfectionist tendencies. That way of being didn’t serve me well. I struggled with perfectionism and therefore procrastination when my kids were really little. Time management was harder when they were little and my responsibilities and my time were not my own. But I could change my tendencies and that is what I managed to do.
I am no longer a perfectionist because who has the time?
Was that quick? No.
Was it easy? Probably not, but I don’t remember.
Is it possible? Yes, it absolutely is. And now I can live differently. And better.
But that’s the question I’m asking you today as we celebrate Independence Day, what is it that you would like to become independent from?
What habits are no longer serving you?
What is it time for you to separate yourself from? Thing. Habit, thought, whatever.
I look forward to hearing what that could be for you. I hope that you are, uh, motivated to think of things like that. I am thinking big thoughts this summer, but that was one that I wanted to share with.
Happy Independence Day, how ever you would like to embrace it!