This week, I want to introduce an idea called Normalizing, and why I think it is a useful and hopeful idea.

I was talking to a friend recently about a health challenge she is facing.

She was saying that we can believe we are all alone in what we are suffering with because we’ve never really talked about it with anyone.  However, when you start talking to people about your health issue, suddenly you find out that the problem is common, that many people have the same problem, or at least know somebody with the problem.

Ummm… let’s say gallbladder issues.  (And no, I do not have gallbladder issues, and neither does she, I’m just using this as an example).

Imagine: I’m feeling fine, and then one day, I’m not feeling so fine.  I muddle through for a few weeks or even months, with flare-ups and the like, getting better between and then another flare up happens. I finally go to the doctor. They run their tests, give me a diagnosis, share some strategies with me and also schedule a surgery because the gallbladder has to be removed.

Now that I know more and need to make plans, I mention my health challenge at work (because I need time off), or I bring it up with friends or family or the lady at the grocery store because now that I have a diagnosis and a plan, I feel more comfortable talking about it…

And when I bring it up, I find out that EVERYONE has had this problem, or knows someone who has had this problem.

You know the stories you hear, “my husband / wife / parent / child / coworker / friend / sibling has or had this problem”. We all may want to feel special and unique, but probably not when it comes to our gallbladder!

Hearing the stories about how what we thought was one-of-a-kind really isn’t… that is not a bad thing. I actually consider it kind of a good thing.  It feels hopeful to me.

In coaching, we talk about normalizing. Per Dictionary.com, Normalizing may mean “to cause (something previously considered abnormal or unacceptable) to be treated as normal”. 

This can be negative like when we learn to tolerate something that might be negative so that it becomes our new normal.  But it can also be a positive thing, when we expand our understanding of what can be typical and normal, so we no longer feel shame or worry about an issue or circumstance.

As in, when you find out that this issue that you’re having that is probably really rocking your world if you are in the middle of it and things are sore or are uncomfortable is actually 100% survivable.  And do-able.

Like when you’ve got something medical going on and all you seem to do is go to doctor’s appointments and do follow-up and it feels like a full-time job. And it’s really impacting your life and you feel frustrated. You feel like you’re alone in this. Like no one is going to understand. 

And yet, they will.

We can’t necessarily see our way through this situation because we have never been in it before.  We don’t know how long it will take, or when we may start to feel better.  But… other people know.  Other people have faced it and have come out the other side.

So we normalize. We normalize because sometimes we need to hear that we are not alone in whatever it is we’re going through. Sometimes we need to feel like we’re not alone AND that someone else in a similar situation has figured it out.

They have figured it out. And therefore, so can I.

If somebody else has figured all this out, I can too. And there is hope. There is hope in that. I can, too.

Let’s switch it up, I will use Blackberry Jam as an analogy.

Last year I learned how to make and can jam. Like preserves, hot water bath, mason jars, shelf stable, etc.

I had promised a loved one that I would find someone to make jam for an event, and I did not find a jam maker so I became the jam maker.   Here’s the thing.  I knew that I could.  I had a working knowledge of what was involved. And we have YouTube and websites and books, plus there is Amazon.com for ordering the tools.  It’s all there.  It’s all learnable. It’s all there. I knew I could do it.

I like to think I am pretty smart, and I am definitely curious and open to learning.  And hey, people living hundreds of years ago with none of the resources I have now figured it out.  I can do this.  And I did. And it was good!

Now I know how to make jam and also preserve it.  I’m pretty sure I still have some in my cabinet from last Fall. I still have all the tools and the know-how, to do it again. We can call that normalized.

Sometimes, my coaching clients or myself or any one of us, really, can think that the situation that we find ourselves in at this moment is so singular that no one has ever figured out what to do about it. And therefore, we can’t even hope to make things better.

And that’s not true.  I’m here to tell you that’s not true because I guarantee you there have been similar situations where people have figured things out and have come through on the other side just fine.

I consider normalizing to be optimistic. I consider normalizing, when done right, to be hopeful. When we are in the midst of something that we don’t know how to figure out, it’s hopeful to know that someone else figured it out. You are most likely able, you’re going to be able to figure it out as well.  And next time, you can be the resource for somebody.

We have more resources right now than we ever had ever in history to figure things out, ever. You have more resources now than anyone has ever had before. Whoa.

But it’s true. We have more knowledge now than anyone has ever had before. How hopeful and optimistic is that?! It’s awesome. And, if you want to figure things out for yourself, I am here to help.