Category: Things I Wish I’d Known

Rest and Refresh This Week To Start 2024 Strong

Last week, I took a short road trip to pick up my youngest son at college for his Christmas Break. He will be home with us for a month. I take a lot of road trips, since my sons and family are sprinkled around the Midwest, and if it’s a solo drive, I have a plan to use my travel time effectively. One of my activities on last week’s trip was to listen to my most recent podcast episode.

Yes, I do that. Consider it quality assurance. The other part of that us, I like my podcast. I like the format, I live the positivity, I like the message and the length. In truth, I want to find and listen to more podcasts like mine.

First, I listened to the most recent EP Podcast, hosted by my producer Chris. Then I listened to my most recent episode and I talked about prioritizing our tasks using the Eisenhower Box. Then I moved on to The Daily Fire from Brendon Burchard through his Growth Day App, of which I am a member.

And that day’s episode? This multi-million dollar professional speaker and author and personal development expert? He was talking about… the Eisenhower Box. (For the record, my episode came out on Tuesday that week, and his didn’t come out until Thursday… just saying…)

He’s talking about the Eisenhower box. He was talking about prioritizing! And many of his ideas resonated, but one specifically stood out for me, and I need to share.

He mentioned that this time of year is so busy, and that we need to take breaks so that we don’t start our new year exhausted.

Yes.

That.

So we don’t start our new year exhausted.

Lately, I have been eluding to this idea, but I don’t know if I have been specific.

In the past few weeks,

  • I’ve talked about maintaining our healthy habits in this busy time, how it’s more important than ever to do so.
  • I have mentioned a few ways to handle productivity and self care in this very busy season.
  • We’ve looked at how to get things done when all the world is a distraction and also how to incorporate some holiday joy in there, too.
  • In terms of getting things done and also taking care of ourselves, I have suggested delegating what we can delegate to others, or deleting unimportant tasks completely.
  • I suggested starting your January list, for ideas that are good but that we don’t have time to tackle in December.

We’ve covered all of those topics in December, and so let’s get clear on the end goal. If I haven’t been specific enough, the goal is to survive this crazy season, obviously, and also to Thrive.

Survival, okay, survival is essential, right? We’ve got to survive, but also to be ready to thrive if we’re not already thriving. 

We want to set ourselves up to succeed, and not just around the holidays. We’re taking care of ourselves and getting things done, personally and professionally, so that we aren’t behind or exhausted or feeling ill or depleted when January arrives.

Survive the holidays and maintain a level of health and well being and happiness, and joy and to do all those things.  Because, the job isn’t done on December 25th, or December 31. Life continues. 

What I’m hoping we all can do is not only survive the holidays and maintain whatever level of health and well being and productivity we seek, but also thrive. Flourish. That is next level, right? That is actually making progress, in addition to survival and maintenance.

I know that’s a lot to ask. I am not suggesting to tackle a huge work project, start a rigorous work out routine, or any other unrealistic expectations for these holiday weeks.

What I am hoping for all of us, is that we have some opportunity this week, this last week of the year and maybe the first week of January, while the world is still in holiday mode or the schedules are still a little different that other times of year, to rest, to dream, to enjoy, to thrive. 

Spend some time looking at the lights, drinking cocoa in your pjs and listening to Christmas carols (because the 12 Days of Christmas are the 12 Days AFTER, not the days before). Spend time with your 2023 planner to revel and take note of your successes accomplishments.

And spend time with your 2024 planner, to dream. Dream some dreams for 2024. Set some goals.

Let’s take some time to revel, to bask, to meditate, to sleep in. One strategy I have to get things done around the holiday is to get up an hour earlier. I am really looking forward to re-setting my morning alarm to 5:30 or even 6 am.

I look forward to maybe a couple of days when I don’t have to hop right up and head out to a client appointment or start a call. I look forward to having only one or two things to think about instead of dozens!

I love my clients, I love the service projects I’ve completed in December AND It will be nice to slow down and rest and revel and refresh.

Let’s take a few moments or days to survive and thrive. Because we likely need to, but also to start out the new year strong and rested and calm. M and bright eyed and wide eyed. That’s my hope for all of us. Let’s be as intentional with our rest and recovery for a little bit as we have been for our productivity and to-do lists.

Truth? Some Things Don’t Get Done, And That’s OK.

Hello, friends. It’s mid-December. 

I ran into a friend at Costco. If you live anywhere near me, you recognize that as a loaded statement. My Costco is a solid 32 minute drive from my house, so one does not embark on this adventure lightly.

Second, it was a Sunday in December, midday. I know. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but I was doubting my sanity as soon as I pulled into the parking lot. Of course it was packed.  So, crowded yes, but everyone was actually very pleasant.

My friend and I were both parked on the outskirts of the parking lot. As we walked to the entrance, we discussed an upcoming event we are both volunteering for, for our school district (her much more than me!). And she was kind enough to say, she just doesn’t know how I get it all done, considering all the things I’m involved in. And I marvel at her and her productivity in the same way.

I appreciate her, though, for seeing me in a good light.  As in, ‘look at all the different things you’re involved in and the different ways you serve our community, and that you get things done’. Because I got to tell you, friends, I do not always feel like I’ve got it all together.

And this is coming from a professional organizer and organizational coach!

So here’s the deal. I say yes to a lot of things. I successfully manage many responsibilities. I do. And that is a source of pride and it makes me happy to do these things. I absolutely love all the different organizations and activities and ministries that I’m involved in. And even when I don’t, it’s not that I don’t love the things, it’s that too many tasks are coming due at the same time period.

Yeah, that is definitely the truth.

So, I was writing a much different article for today about prioritization and focus areas, about triaging the to do list and starting the January list. And all of that is still true.

But I want to answer my friend’s question honestly, when she asks “How do you get it all done?”

First, the short answer is, sometimes I don’t.

More fully, the answer is, I ruthlessly prioritize, because saying yes to many things means I can’t also say yes to other things. And I know that. So there are opportunities that might come my way that I have to say no to, because I do not have the time or energy to dedicate to that task or responsibility to do it well.

I’m not saying I don’t have time and energy. I have boundless energy most days and the same amount of time that each of us has. But because I have multiple responsibilities, I can’t always say yes to new things.

And that’s frustrating for me, I know. But the other part of that, especially this time of year, is the ruthless prioritization. I’ve already said yes to many things, and so now I need to figure out how to make it all happen. And that is where prioritization comes in.

If you and your December are anything like me and mine, the to-do list might be looking a little long right now.

It is likely time to triage that to-do list.  This week, let’s clear the clutter from our to-do lists and brains!

Easier said than done,  I know. But to make sure we are getting things done that need to get done, it’s time to ruthlessly prioritize what must be done this month, and also start the list for January and 2024!

That was a long introduction to this week’s topic, how to ruthlessly prioritize the To-Do List!

This morning, I was applying the Eisenhower box to my to-do list – remember that tool?  The podcast episode was early on, go back and check it out if you need a refresher! Eisenhower filtered tasks through the Important vs. Non-Important and Urgent vs Non-Urgent lenses.

And we’re going to do this in reverse:

Delete:

Instead of starting with important and urgent, let’s look at the list and get rid of anything that can be deleted immediately. Things like events you don’t have the time or inclination to attend this month (A “No, Thank You” is a full sentence!), a moratorium on facebook or instagram scrolling for a few days, etc.

Delegate:

After deleting the clutter, let’s look to Delegate.  In the Eisenhower box, there are tasks that are deemed urgent but not important, as in it’s not important that I be the one to complete them. Consider what someone else could do for you.  And let them do it.

We’re hosting Christmas for my family in Michigan on December 23.  And I will be outsourcing many menu items.  Unlike Thanksgiving for 20, I am not attached to making every menu item from scratch, etc. 

If you have house specific tasks, can you hire a service?  barter for time?  rent a teenager or college student?

Perhaps it is work specific, and I am terrible at this one, but I’m working in it!  Is there anyone else on the team with less on their plate that could pick up tasks? And for me, Delegation also looks like NOT saying yes to more tasks, and letting others step up instead.

Decide / Defer:

Next up is the Defer step.  Tasks that are deemed important but not urgent are on the Defer list.

A few weeks back in an episode, I mentioned a January list. There are likely items on your task list that are important but they are not yet time specific.  So, in the interest of getting  the things that MUST be done, done lets look at what we can put off for a bit.

Routine doctor appointments, house projects not related to Christmas, non -holiday related errands – yep, those can all be turfed to January at this point.

As I think about this, I have “find a landscaper” on my to-do list.  And guess what?  That does not need to happen until at least February!  To be honest, I always have a running house project list, and I have to say – if there is a task on there that is not about the holidays, then we can move it to the January to-do list.

Some of my clients will defer organizing until January. Starting early in November, I typically have clients who ask for me to check in with them in January to book our next coaching or organizing session because they know their December is Full.

Medical appointments can also be booked January or into 2024.  Booking regular maintenance appointments is important, as in the fact that they are booked, but perhaps they don’t occur for a few months.  Just getting them on the calendar and then off your to-do list is the point!

Maybe events with friends or family, and now the December schedule is just packed – January could work!  And it would give us something to look forward to in the colder post-holiday glow months!

AND now – Do!  Important AND Urgent!

Now I know that the tasks on my list are things only I can do and that are time specific and therefore urgent. That also means that there are other things that won’t get done today, and I have to accept that. I can give myself grace, cut myself some slack, and assign those tasks to other times this week so they actually get done on time. That’s the way this works.

Ask yourself, “What are things that only I can do?” If we’re feeling strapped, we can start with doing the things that only we can do. As you’re looking at that To-Do list and it’s time to clear some clutter, I also want you to ask the question of  “What Can Only I do?”

I taught my Organize Your Holidays presentation this past week to a lovely group of parents, and we talked about doing all the things… unless they didn’t really feel the need.  For example, do we have to freak ourselves out and spend many hours super-cleaning our home to host guests, or can we relax a little and just host the guests in a clean-enough home?

I really love to bake cookies, but maybe you don’t.  And that’s ok. Sending out Christmas cards is a choice, and maybe you don’t choose to. And that’s ok, too.

There are many tasks I loaded onto this coming weekend after not getting them accomplished this past weekend, because we did so many other wonderful things this past weekend. There are many tasks that I’ve already turfed to January.

WE can delegate tasks that can be done by others.  We can skip the un-important “shoulds” we feel from others and focus on our own traditions. 

We can get things done, AND we can be OK with not getting things done, too. Let’s look at ourselves through kinder eyes, like the eyes and perception of my friend. Be a friend to yourself this week!

Positive Self Talk Changes Your Life In A Good Way!

Did you know?  Statistically speaking, the person you speak to most in your day is… Yourself.

Let’s say, when you’re in your car alone for extended periods of time, you may discover you have a tendency to talk to yourself. (Ok, maybe that’s just me.) For example, I recorded the content of this article on a late night solo drive home from seeing my son in a show in Indiana.

I know I have a tendency to talk to myself. A funny thing, early in lockdown when we were suddenly 5 people in the house together ALL THE TIME, my husband asked me about the conversations I was having with myself!

Do you talk to yourself? (The answer is likely “Yes”, whether out loud or just in your head). And more importantly, what do you say?

Today I want to talk about the importance of positive self talk.

We all learn in different ways. We have ways of processing, learning, organizing. In coaching we refer to these as processing modalities. The 4 most commonly discussed are seeing or visual learners, doing or kinesthetic learners, hearing or auditory learners, and speaking, or verbal learners. And we’re all a blend of all of those. Someone who learns by speaking out loud is called a verbal learner or a verbal processor.

A strength of mine is to verbally process. I am a paid, professional speaker, and a professional cantor, which means I get paid to sing. I enjoy podcasting, and writing articles and sending out a newsletter to my community for the last 15 years. Obviously, verbal processing and communicating for me is a strength. I learn things as I hear myself say them out loud. If you aren’t a verbal processor, it’s possible that you don’t understand what I was just talking about. But if you are a verbal processor or know one!, you will know exactly what I’m talking about when I say that.

What we say matters, and what we hear ourselves say matters.

Imagine with me: I was working with a client a few weeks ago. She is such a treasure, just delightful. My client is a verbal processor, and she was talking to me because I was in the space with her, but mostly she was thinking out loud – verbally processing – as we worked on organizing and clearing clutter in her space.

She was thinking out loud, verbalizing what was going on in her mind. She was doing a great job. She was asking herself really good questions. Do I need this? How can I set this space up best? And she was open to questions from me, as well, to help her through the process. She knew the questions to ask herself, and we held space together for her to work through those, with support if she wanted to talk things out a little more. (That is one of the beauties of coaching, so awesome).

She was thinking out loud and at one point got frustrated with herself and started to say more negative things.

And

then

she

stopped.

She stopped, and realized what she was doing and shifted to saying beautiful, loving and kind things to herself instead. And I was there to witness this beautiful habit.

Our self talk tends to trend negative. Too often, my inner monologue can trend to “Colleen, what is wrong with you? How could you let it get to this?” I think that can happen to all of us.

And we can say out loud that that’s not helpful. As a coach, well, really as a fellow human being, I would never ask you those questions because first of all, they’re mean. And secondly, they’re wrong.

I admired her awareness that the negative self talk was happening. I admired that she know that negative self talk was not a good and healthy habit. And SHE CHANGED HER BEHAVIOR!

Just like my client, when our self talk turns negative, we need to be aware that it’s happening, know that we need to change and then make the change!

Our negative self-talk is often a product of other messages we receive, from society or a teacher in 2nd grade or a sharp-tongued loved one as we grew up. And we can start believing it, even when we know the messages are not helpful and maybe even wrong. Whether it’s right or wrong, true or not true to us, the repetition can make us us start to believe it.

There is good news, though! I am here to share that the opposite is true, too. My client changed her inner soundtrack to positive self talk. So can you. And so can I.

BECAUSE HAVING A POSITIVE INTERNAL SOUNDTRACK CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE IN A GOOD WAY!

We need to shift our inner monologue, our personal narrative, our self talk. If we tell ourselves over and over, silently or out loud, that we are too busy and too stressed and the week is a total mess at 7 am on Monday, then – well – that is what we will believe. Except that is not helpful and that is not true.

Let’s shift that self talk. We need to be positive with ourselves because some times the world is harsh enough. Right? We don’t need anybody else telling us that it’s a hard life or a hard day, etc. We already know that. We don’t need to say it because it just reinforces the negative. I am not suggesting to lie to ourselves or ignore the obvious, but we can be our own best friend, our own biggest fan and cheerleader, and set ourselves up to succeed.

Every morning, I say out loud my “I Am Statements”. I start my day with positive self talk. And if I say them out loud but still are not feeling positive, I say them all again! Here’s what I say:

  • “I am stronger,
  • I am worthy,
  • I am wealthy,
  • I am loved,
  • I am vibrant,
  • I am wise,
  • I am beautiful,
  • I am smart,
  • I am kind,
  • I am patient,
  • I am generous,
  • I am successful,
  • I am healthy,
  • I am humble,
  • I am grateful,
  • I am brave,
  • I am blessed,
  • I am a blessing,
  • I am forgiving,
  • I am committed to growth,
  • I am a learner,
  • I am a builder,
  • I am committed to being my best self,
  • I am a Child of God.”

What do you want someone to say to you? Be that supportive person for yourself!

What can you say to yourself every day, to make your day and outlook more positive?

How can you be kind to yourself?

Make your list! Make it as long or as short as you want! (Check out Pinterest or Instagram if you need inspiration!!!)

I was speaking with a coaching client a few weeks ago. She has been working through some really difficult tasks over the past few months and I am so proud and happy for her and her progress. But much more importantly, SHE is proud of herself for doing difficult things and is happy with her progress. And she said, as we were discussing her positive self talk, “There are some things I have to say out loud.  Just thinking them isn’t loud enough.” Isn’t that awesome? The good stuff can’t be kept inside – just thinking them isn’t loud enough, they need to be said out loud!

Let’s say the good stuff out loud!!

We Never Really Have to Start From Scratch!

We Never Really Have to Start From Scratch! We don’t have to start over.

Do future you a favor. Take notes. And refer back to them.

I was inspired to write about today’s topic by a recent experience. Of course, because that is usually what inspires me!

Let me set it up for you:

One Saturday morning every other month, a group of parishioners from my Parish assemble 150 bag lunches for a local charitable organization to distribute to their community. That Saturday in November was a few weeks ago.

My friend Kristen organizes the service project every time.  This was our 4th morning so far, we started back in May.  We have added people from month to month, and occasionally one of the regulars can’t attend, but there is typically a team of 10 or so adults and some students seeking service hours. 

We are learning, and we get better at the process every month, every time we do it, which is great. And one of the reasons we get better at it is we don’t start from scratch every time, because, honestly, why should we?

Why shouldn’t we learn from every experience? And yes, we can learn from every experience, but also importantly, we need to remember what we learn.

In addition to learning from the experience, we also need to retain or review or make a note of that.

And here’s the deal – if we do something… occasionally… it’s not yet a habit or a routine.

How often we do something and in what time interval are two factors that impact how much we remember from time to time.  If we don’t necessarily remember all the details every time, that’s okay, because sometimes we don’t, and that’s all right. But we can learn from our experiences and get better at doing things!

In my productivity presentations, I mention recipes, and I’m not talking my corn casserole recipe, even though its Thanksgiving time, even though I have no problem sharing that. I mean, recipes as in a path for future you to take. 

In my presentations, I mention those complex tasks we occasionally complete. Often enough to want to get good at it, but not often enough that it’s become natural or a habit.  The example I use in my class is balancing my company’s monthly banking statements.

When I switched my banking years ago, I connected a credit card to my account for purchases.  My banking and bookkeeping are very simple processes now that they are well established, but when I first made the switch, I would stumble from month to month – log into the banking website from my browser or connect Quicken from the quicken platform?  Make a note in quicken regarding paying my credit card bill from my spending account, or pay the bill first and then update the transactions from quicken?

Every month, when the process was new, I would stumble.

So I leave myself a note.  A short list: open quicken, log into banking website, pay credit card bill on banking website, go to quicken, go to credit card tab, click reconcile, click accept all, make note in Quicken.

To use the service example, after we make lunches, we take a few minutes to talk about what worked and what to tweak next time. For example,

  • We write down who volunteered today.
  • We make note of who showed up in answer to the bulletin article, and collect their email so we can alert them next time.
  • Maybe it’s logistics: “We always start with wiping down tables and putting on gloves” or we “need three plastic table cloths instead of 2”
  • Or, about the process: “We need to start with the longest step first and get that rolling, focus on getting the sandwich assembly line started first.“
  • And “Let’s make sure to confirm the time with the school students who need service hours“.

This is a pretty low pressure situation, to be honest – we have a solid team and the work isn’t difficult.  But we are on the clock, as the lunches need to be delivered by a certain time to the mission who is distributing them. And we still want to do things efficiently and effectively. My friend writes down notes and learning, and the ideas and a plan for next time.

Here’s another example of wanting to do things well and leaving notes from next time.

This time of year, I think of my client who has an orange binder in the cabinet above her kitchen desk. It’s the Thanksgiving binder and it really does contain all things Thanksgiving. She always hosts Thanksgiving.  It’s a big family affair, lots of people bring lots of things, and it’s lovely.

And so from year to year, they make notes in the Thanksgiving binder. For example,

  • How many people were there, and who?
  • What recipes did we use? Who brought what and how much?
  • How about “So and So made made the gravy and it was delicious!”
  • Or “We picked up a pie from such and such bakery, and it was a big hit“.
  • We can write about what worked well and what didn’t, or what did we do well and what could be better.

We can keep notes of those things because we would absolutely forget if we didn’t keep track!  When the service morning rolls around again, Kristen will check her notes that she made and start from there as we set up who is scheduled to help and who needs to bring what.  She already has a plan for next time.  That’s the third or fourth time I have said that today.  Let’s relish in that for a minute.  A plan for next time. Based on what we know and what we continue to learn. 

That sounds pretty great to me.

October is ADHD Awareness Month: More Than Just Awareness

October is ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) Awareness Month.

Last week, I spoke with one of my accountability partners, Laine.  Laine is the ADHD Coach that I want to be when I grow up. She’s amazing. If you’d like to know more, check out her website at http://thinkinganddoingskillscenter.com/.  She is always looking to reach and positively impact more students and adults with her coaching. 

On our accountability call, we discussed that this is the time of year when mid-quarter progress reports go home, and for many students, we find out that they are struggling with their grades and workload.

Perhaps a student hasn’t been diagnosed but the teacher or school administrator may start the conversation regarding testing and diagnosis. 

OR perhaps a student is diagnosed with ADHD but they haven’t necessarily found the strategies or skills, or aren’t using them, or need to explore more to help them do as well as they could in school.

Laine and took a moment to share our own stories about our experiences with ADHD for either ourselves or loved ones.  And I realized that I don’t tell ADHD stories, and that’s a disservice to you and to me and anybody who has ADHD.

Today, I want to talk about what ADHD is and what it looks like in ourselves and the people around us. We will increase awareness around ADHD and some symptoms that go along with it, and mention the strategies and skills that can be used to improve the lives of EVERYONE, including folks with ADHD. 

See what I did there?  I reminded all of us that the strategies that help folks with ADHD to manage their neurodiversity are the same strategies that can help us all on any given day.

To get us started, I want to share a conversation I had recently with a friend about her grown child with ADHD.  And keep in mind – we are not doing an in-depth study of ADHD today, because that would be impossible in one day. 

Today, we are increasing awareness!

This grown child, this young adult, is doing great, professionally speaking. They recently graduated from college, they have a new job in their field of study, they’re really excited about it, they’re just doing great.

But this young adult struggles beyond that.  In addition to a new job, they also have a new living arrangement in this new stage of life. And they are really struggling with all the change, the expectation to set up a home and to manage themselves. 

Of course I can’t coach a person who’s not there, that’s not how that works.  But I can increase awareness with this young adult’s loved one who is trying to understand where their young adult is coming from, and how to help.  And I respect that.  We can all start by recognizing there is more going on with every person than we may be aware of.

First, I asked “is the young adult diagnosed or not?”, and the answer was yes. Next, I asked if they received counseling or therapy specifically around their ADHD and where they may struggle, and the answer was no.

So this friend and I simply worked on ADHD Awareness together.

First, I want you to click over to and read an article I wrote for the basics, ADHD Awareness Month, For Yourself and for Others.

It’s not necessarily that people with ADHD have symptoms that are completely different than anybody else in a busy time of life or any other time. What makes it troublesome and what leads many of us to either get tested or get our loved ones tested for ADHD or other neuro-diversities is if the struggles happen more than occasionally, or are negatively impacting a person’s life. And by life I mean relationships, how they succeed or excel in school or professionally, or in whatever it is that they’re trying to achieve.

So we all have challenges some days with achievement or focus or productivity or motivation, but it’s when those challenges negatively impacts life for a certain amount of time, those are the red flags that say, okay, there’s more going on here, and we need to ask if perhaps this person is neurodivergent. Again, many of us display these characteristics. It’s the severity and the comorbidities, like folks with ADHD also suffering from higher rates of anxiety or depression, that make ADHD troublesome.

Back to my friend and her young adult.

For this friend and her grown child, we discussed that this young adult is able to excel at work but their home life and relationships suffer, and they are exhausted all the time.  I mentioned that, whereas I might have a busy day at work and I need to come home and take a half hour to shift gears and decompress before staring my next activity, someone with ADHD has worked much harder to be productive at work and to manage their challenges and may need much more time to regroup.

Let’s understand Masking.

People with ADHD and other people as well learn to cover up what may be considered culturally undesirable behaviors.  So little ones learn to not blurt out answers in the classroom or hop out of their seats when their energy tells them otherwise.  And they learn to manage and mask, but it also takes effort to NOT act this way.

Let’s understand, too, a different type of masking:

Children with ADHD are often not diagnosed until they reach transitions like elementary school to middle school, or middle school to high school, or even high school to college.  Strong and supportive parenting and learning environments are AWESOME but occasionally ADHD goes undiagnosed until a student reaches the point when their external coping supports (parents and teachers) no longer make up for the challenges from their ADHD.

Let’s understand Hyperfocus

Another characteristic of ADHD is Hyperfocus. ADHD is often misunderstood and underdiagnosed because people with ADHD may be able to hyper-focus on something that is interesting to them.  This is why ADHD is not a full enough name, because “Attention Deficit” is not always true.

And, for many people with ADHD, they are paying Attention to EVERYTHING. Did you know? When a person with ADHD looks like they’re not paying attention, it’s actually very likely that they are paying attention to absolutely everything in the room.  If they’re listening to their teacher talk about math or to a friend tell a story, or they’re trying to focus on the email in front of them, they are also hearing every background sound there is.

They are noticing how their clothing feels at every point that it touches their body.

They are noticing the temperature of the air around them, and the smell of the space.

They are noticing everything. Any pains that might be in their body. They notice it all. It’s not that they’re not paying attention. Attention deficit is actually a misnomer in some ways, because they’re processing input from everything.

And so what may look like inattentiveness is actually the fact that they are processing everything all the time. And they might not even know what’s happening. And where you think that it is a character flaw, defiance or something else, it might very well be that they have so many different signals coming in at any given point that they’re just taking a bit of time to process.

And again, that’s not necessarily specific to ADHD, but it is a common trait of somebody with ADHD.

Let’s Also understand Bandwidth, or spoons.

All of us have a certain amount of energy and focus and motivation to get things done every day.  And once those commodities are used up for the day, it’s time for rest.    Some people call these units of measure spoons.  So each of us starts with a certain number of spoons to use throughout the day. 

With me so far?

All of us consume the spoons.  And if we’re sick or sad, we may have fewer spoons than normal.  And some days we have to do hard things, which uses up our spoons faster.

A person with ADHD may have the same amount spoons as you and me when they start their day.  But they may use them faster than we do because they have to make themselves focus and motivate and get things done in  a certain way that isn’t how their brain is wired to work.

Now, let’s talk about recovery.

Just as a neurotypical person needs to rest and re-fuel to face another day, so does, of course, a person with ADHD.  But it may take longer. In addition to using spoons faster than others, a person with ADHD may take longer to replace the spoons.  Even a person with ADHD who is managing themselves well and getting the support they need knows that they MUST employ strategies and skills to rest and replenish.  And we have to respect that.

Somebody with ADHD, because they have been dealing with all of these external stimuli for so long, can absolutely maintain for a bit, and then they’re exhausted. And what takes you and I perhaps an hour or two, or a good night’s sleep, to recuperate from could take them days.

And I think where all of this is leading me to is right here:

Your awareness of ADHD or now doesn’t validate or invalidate a friend or loved one with ADHD.  Yes, there are people out there who believe ADHD doesn’t exist.

But today I want to increase awareness.  I want to show all of us that we all struggle sometimes.  People with ADHD and people without ADHD.

As I started this topic today, I mentioned that we don’t know where people are coming from. But now we know  more.  We know better.  And I was quoted back to myself last week, apparently I often say “when we know better we must do better” (I will credit this to Maya Angelou). 

No one is broken and no one needs fixed.  We just need to understand more about others, be aware there is more happening than we know and be ready to support others by educating ourselves.  More than 10% of the population has ADHD, whether you or they have been diagnosed or not.  You may have ADHD, and I guarantee you know people with ADHD.  Some who struggle and some who manage well.

We need to understand that it’s happening, and support ourselves and others with understanding, communication and education.

There are resources out there to help. Coaching, counseling, therapy. 

CHADD, https://chadd.org/, Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD)

ADD.org, Attention Deficit Disorder Association

There are tools to help individuals manage their ADHD and to support the folks who support people with ADHD. The best indicator for success is for everyone to understand ADHD Better. 

It’s Planning Day! For Me and For You!

I want to get back to the procrastination topics we started a few weeks ago, especially since I’ve been hearing from a lot of you about procrastination!

However… that is not where my brain is today. And instead of fighting my brain, I realized I could use this as a teaching and learning moment for you and for me! Procrastination is important, but it will still be waiting for me when i get back to it (a little procrastination joke there).

Instead, Today is Planning Day! Capital P, capitol D.

Planning Day is more than just a plan for the next hour or today or this week, even though those are great places to start!

PLANNING Day looks a little farther out. As in, Let’s look at this month, this quarter, this year! Where do I want to see me by November 1, or January 1, or by my next birthday?!

Today is a planning day for a lot of reasons. It’s a planning day because it is a new month and a new season.

Today is a planning day because it’s a new quarter. Q Four. I know, that sounds very business-y, but I am running a company here, so things sounds business-y from time to time. Even if I don’t say things like Q3 and Q4 out loud, I think in those terms all the time. Q Four matters, and I like to set goals for quarters and for the year.

Last week, at the end of the third quarter, I checked in on my Q3 goals to see what I had completed or not. And I am quite satisfied with my goal completion rate for Q3.

love this idea from borrowedheaven.com!

And now it’s time to look at what I want to accomplish before the end of 2023. It’s crazy to think about, right? Just this week, I have scheduled several organizing presentations for January and February of 2024. I already had some on the books, but now I have a whole lot more, which is very exciting, but seeing 2024 in print on the contracts, it is quite noteworthy.

For me, it’s a planning day because my oldest son and my daughter-in-law were married the end of September. And it was lovely. There were friends, there was family. The weather was perfect. Everything went smoothly. It’s just wonderful. And there was a lot of work and planning that went into that ahead of time, mostly on the part of the bride and groom. But it occupied my mind and parts of my schedule for the last couple of weeks, too. And now it is blessedly, wonderfully, complete. And then the rest of the world comes back in. It’s a planning day because I need to plot my course , post-wedding.

It’s a planning day, too, because October is my birth month, and I always feel retrospective around my birthday and also, eager to plot my course for the next year. A great time to check in on things, right?

Join me for Planning Day, here’s how!

First, Planning takes time. So set aside some time.

On my schedule this week, today did not start out as a planning day but some client cancellations provided some much needed white space. Sometimes, I end up planning as I drive (I think really clearly when I drive), or spontaneously in an early morning writing session. But, truly, Planning is too important to leave up to chance, so don’t do it that way!

My suggestion is, Don’t wait for a cancellation or a found opportunity. Put Big Picture Planning on the schedule! As I write this, I just hopped into my google calendar and scheduled planning sessions the last week in December and the first week in January.

Next, Give yourself some grace. I want to give myself grace and ask you to do the same in general, in life.

We are so quick to judge ourselves.

I was talking with a client yesterday – she knows who she is! – She was reporting that she didn’t get what she was supposed to get done since our last appointment. And then she mentioned she had COVID since our last appt. THAT MATTERS! That wins. That absolutely wins!

We took a moment to say, look at what you DID accomplish, even with a few weeks of not feeling so great! And we did that before we jumped into the day’s tasks.

I think I am the first one to do that to myself as well. I could look at my list and my schedule and go, oh wow, I’ve got all this stuff to do. What is wrong with me? And the answer is Nothing. Absolutely nothing is wrong with me, life happened. And it was amazing. And now I get to choose how else I want to spend my time.

Therefore, Grace.

Then, Look at the Done List:

I find this step fun and gratifying, but often overlooked. Last week or month or quarter, you got things done! Yeah you!

We can absolutely be proud of what we accomplished. And I am proud. So, look at that done list. Take a moment and bask and revel in what you DID get done.

Last week my accountability partner reminded me that in addition to all the other q3 goals I had, I also successfully helped my mom move to a new home in August. That wasn’t on the original q3 list, but it is noteworthy and made it on the Q3 done list!

A fellow organizing coach Shannon wrote in a recent FB post that she was ready to apologize for not posting a lot recently on SM (I’m guilty of that, too), but then she shifted her perspective and shared what she DID accomplish in the last month or two. And the list was long and fabulous, impressive, wonderful, amazing. And I really appreciated her shift in perspective. It came at just the right time for me to read as well, because it would be easy to get frustrated with what I need to do or what hasn’t gotten done.

OK, and now for the planning:

Look ahead. It’s time to take action, but if we haven’t planned, how do we know what the right action is? Yeah, there’s a truth bomb.

Without a plan, without having sat down and thought about these things, how do you actually know what the right action is?

So we’ve talked about focus areas and I think that’s a great place to start. For a refresher, check out episode #5 I think? Last Decmeber, 2022! Start with what is important to you!

Talking with a client on Monday, she was feeling discombobulated and I absolutely understand. And in the next breath, she was also telling me all the wonderful things that she did with and for her family recently, about a huge professional accomplishment and a huge work project that she successfully completed.

So I used the image of focus areas, but she kind of liked the idea of lanes, or columns on a whiteboard of the different areas of her life.

So family, kids, specific per family member. In addition, she is a professional musician and also has an artistic job not related to music, Home, personal, wellness, personal development. Each had a lane, and she saw them like traffic, with different lanes moving at different speeds but all in the same direction.

List your focus areas (for example, mine are School Board, Ministry, Home / Family, Personal / Wellness, Education and The Company.)

List those focus areas, and then jot down some reasonable 3 month goals, milestones or plans around those focus areas.

What that might look like for me:

In addition to regular board work, two Q4 School Board Goals are: we start a Policy Review this week for the next 6-12 months, and we also have our Annual Conference in November.

In addition to regular weekly ministry, two Q4 Ministry Goals are: my annual Baptismal Prep photo project, and Joyful and successful planning and completion of the liturgical Advent season; Because as a liturgical musician, Advent and Christmas are where it’s at!

Looking at Home and Family, successful Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays would be on the list. And under those items I would list some of the ways I will accomplish these, like communication with family members regarding events, completing the actual days, gift giving, celebrations, etc.

Education: I’ve dropped the ball in this area and 2 goals would be to complete my next certification with the ICD, and read 6 non-fiction books before 12/31/2023.

Looking at my company, I want to set on goal in each of my subcategories. So, one each – a Coaching Goal, Client Goal, Speaking Goal, Community Building Goal and Operations Goal. One thing that I need to accomplish today and this week, in addition to recording this particular podcast, is I also need to plan out my, content calendar for Q Four.

And I have to admit that I have been kind of I haven’t really made note of the plan.

There is a plan, but right now it’s in my head, and I need to actually jot it down per week as to what I want to talk about. If there’s articles I’ve already written that I can use as resources. And it will make my entire quarter go more smoother if I can get that at least on it’s not really on paper, but like, in my planning document today, that would be such a huge help.

PLANNING DAY!

So those are my focus areas. Let’s ask some questions:

  • What are your focus areas, what is important to you?
  • What is one thing that you would like to accomplish by the end of Q4?
  • What will you be proud to look back on, in three months?
  • What has been lingering around on your to-do list, and you know life will be so much better if you just get this thing squared away?
  • Where do I want to see myself by the time I hit my next birthday?
  • Throw in some easy goals, too! some goals are easy to see and even accomplish, but they still need to be listed! For example, obviously, Thanksgiving and Christmas will happen, whether I set them as a goal or not. But they become a place holder and a reminder – yes, these events will take effort, and also their successful completion warrants celebration and a feeling of accomplishment.
  • And leave some room for fun and joy!

So that’s my Planning Day!

So plan with me today or this week. So this is what I’m doing today, and I recommend at least once in a while that you do it for yourself as well.

And if this is one of those things that you need to go back and listen to when it’s Q One for 2024, great. I love it. Let’s do it.

I have these podcasts and articles available all the time to refer back to – 45 episodes so far – if there is something you need a refresher or reminder about.

I hope that you take some time for planning this week. Do it as a gift to yourself. Chart your course not just for the next hour or day or week, but also month and quarter and maybe even year.

I hope you found this helpful. I know it was helpful for me to talk it out, so thank you for listening!

Put Things AWAY! Before procrastination makes us stumble!

I have spent time, in podcasts and articles and newsletters, this year talking about how much easier life is when we leave a few bags packed.

Those bags included, for example, my bag of chargers, my toiletry bag and my go-bag for work. It’s great to have those things ready to grab and go, knowing that they and you are ready for everything.

I love that.

However, I want to take a step back on the “You Are Ready” part. And recognize that while there are some bags that need to stay packed, there are more that should NOT stay packed.

Over the summer, I’ve shared photos or videos on my social media platforms that “That It’s a five bag day or even a six bag day.” I think 6 was the most, thank goodness!

And let me explain: There are many days in my life that require more than one bag. The number of bags on those days were a measure of the complexity of my calendar! As in, one post shared: “Today is a 5 Bag Day – I have a client in the morning, then a presentation in the afternoon, and then I go straight to a school board meeting or a choir rehearsal!”

  • Which means, as I leave my house that morning, I had 5 or 6 bags:
    • The first is my everyday bag (mine’s a backpack);
    • Next, I have my go-bag that I take with me every work day with extra chargers, a change of clothes since occasionally organizing is dirty work, a car snack, a rain coat etc.. That bag is always packed, and is sitting near the back door right now.
    • I also had my cooler lunch bag, since I pack my lunch to save time and money, and to eat healthy.
    • That day I needed a bag with my clothes to change into, from organizing clothes into snazzier presentation clothes;
    • And then the bag with my laptop and content of my presentation, and in this case, also, my bag for board work too.
    • Whew! That’s a lot of stuff! (At one of those summer presentations, a participant suggested I just need to carry one really big bag to hold everything I needed for that day. But he realized as soon as he suggested just one bag that the one bag would have to be huge and very heavy to make that work!)

I recently ran into a friend who mentioned that she loved the Many Bag Day posts because we all feel like that some days, with our variety of roles and responsibilities that we hold. And when this friend mentioned that she loves this idea and it really resonated with her, I said, “I need to do a part two that reminds us all that we also have to unpack the bags at the end of the day!”

And that’s where we’re headed today. The unpacking. Which is literal unpacking, but also a analogy for completion.

Let me explain: I started out talking about how a few bags need to stay packed, but that most don’t. And I mean, seriously, at the end of the day, most bags need unpacked. Now, ok, maybe it’s the next morning. So I’ll give you 24 hours. I guess I don’t really want to, but I get it. But for the most part, all of those bags, once I’m completed with doing all those things, they all come home and the stuff comes back out of the bag.

Because “In the bag” is not where that stuff lives. It should live AWAY. “In a bag” is not away. And we need to put our things away.

  • We need to put our things away because it is likely we have to pack another bag the next day or the day after, with other things in it for that day’s responsibilities.
  • This is assuming a finite amount of things. A finite amount of bags, a finite amount of clothes for presentations. There should be limits.
  • And I also put those things together in different combinations from day to day because as it should be. That makes sense. But the point is, yes, it could be a six bag day, but then I’m going to come home and I’m going to unpack the lunch bag, because day old lunch remains in a cooler bag are disgusting.
  • Or, I’m going to unpack the clothes I wear for work or for my presentation. Those need to go in the hamper, get washed and put back into rotation. A client mentioned their child’s soccer bag – and ALL of that stuff needs washed regularly!
  • My board of education work comes out of the bag because I need to take care of tasks, and I also need to put the binder away after I pulled out the tasks that I need to complete.
  • A truly successful day for me, means that at the end of the day, I’ve completed all my things that I wanted to complete while serving others.

And part of that process, and the signal that everyone is done, is that all of those bags have come back in the house, been emptied completely, and are away, as are their contents.

So, full bags, partial bags, bags when we don’t know what’s in them? What does this have to do with procrastination? Here’s is where I want to shift to thinking about the analogy of the bags.

Let’s think about what I’ve said for the last few minutes in terms of activation and completion.

  • I started my day. I planned to go places and do things.
  • I packed stuff to go with me to do the things, so that I have the tools and accessories to do the things.
  • I successfully did the things. Yeah!
  • I came home, and now I am finishing the things.
  • Wow. Yes. Finishing.

Because finishing is a tough one for some of us. We’re not always so good at that.

Sometimes we procrastinate on starting, and other times we procrastinate on finishing.

So, good for us, we start the work, awesome.

Also yeah us, we did the work. We persevered and completed the work awesome.

But now we need to finish. And for me, as the example, finishing means unpacking the bag, putting all the stuff away.

Completed work is great, but the job is not done till it’s all away. When we shift our thinking to encompass the steps around completion, we set ourselves up to succeed next time.

I made jam a couple of weeks ago and that was great. I learned how to make jam! I am proud of the new skills I acquired. And it’s Delicious! But the work wasn’t totally done until the pot was actually washed and away, right? Jam made AND All the Stuff AWAY was really the finish line.

Completion. The work is done. But completion means work is done and tools are put away. Sometimes we procrastinate on the done part. As in, “Great, I did the work. But now here it all sits.” We can revel when the work is complete. But if , in my case, there are still packed bags by my back door, I’m not actually done.

I have clients who get 85%, or 90 or 90% done on a project. And then they drop the ball on the last 5%. And that is where mental and physical clutter comes in, and negative self talk.

For me, that last 5% is the WooHoo! moment. Don’t deprive yourself of the woohoo moment! The woohoo moment of “I did it!”. The woohoo moment is where it’s at!

Back to the bag idea. Let’s walk through the last 5%:

  • I can take a moment, with my bags around me in my office.
  • I can say – “Yes, I did it!” I served my client well this morning!
  • I ate a healthy lunch, took care of me and put a few snacks in there too.
  • I presented today, knocked that out of the park. Yay me. I love getting to meet people!
  • I safely drove everywhere I needed to go today. Thank you, Lord.
  • I ran a good board meeting and got my board work done.
  • AND NOW, actually and also metaphorically, I’m going to unpack it all and put it all away.

My suggestion this week, after you ponder the actual bags and also the other areas of your life where the bag idea applies, is to craft a habit around leaving time at the end of your day to completely finish the work and unpack the bags. Or file the papers, or put away the large pot you used while canning jam.

I wrote this content first as my podcast content, so I wrote it the last week of September. And I know this is going to be a many bag week! The day this podcast airs and that the newsletter is sent will be just a few days after my oldest son gets married. I know it will have been a wonderful experience. And I also know that soon after all the events are enjoyed, I will take some time and unpack all the bags, real and metaphorical. And I will appreciate and revel in the wonderful completion. And then maybe take a nap.

Is It Really Procrastination? Or Are We Unknowing or Unable?

Perhaps you have noticed, or perhaps you haven’t: I don’t talk much about procrastination.

I think it’s time.

And that is funny, yes? That I’ve waited this long to talk about procrastination?

Yep, there’s that word. I don’t talk about it. Similar to my feelings that I shared in my article and podcast about Overwhelm, I feel the word Procrastination is overused and misunderstood.

Procrastination IS. That it exists is undeniable.  It is a feeling, a strategy, an occurrence. It’s a lot of things. It can be all of those things and more.

But I don’t talk about it because it’s also too easy. It is too easy to just wave off an occurrence of not getting something done and say, “Yes, I procrastinated.” It’s too easy, and it’s not helpful.

And that’s the bigger problem.  When it is used in conversation, the word Procrastination is not specific enough to actually help us figure out what the solution should be. We tend to only look at the symptom instead of digging deeper. 

Imagine: I have a stuffy nose. I can blow my nose, and that solves the current problem. But I get stuffy again.  Or blowing my nose DOESN’T solve the problem, and I’m still stuffy. Stuffy is a symptom, not the cause.  The cause may be allergies, a cold, the flu or something else.

Similarly, if we don’t look at WHY we’re procrastinating, or get specific around what exactly the problem is, we’re unlikely to make anything more than temporary progress. We need to get specific about procrastination, both the word and the event!

So, let’s get specific!

The definition of procrastination is “the action of delaying or postponing something:”, or to “willfully choose to NOT do something for absolutely no good reason”, or “to put off intentionally and habitually the doing of something that should be done”. Now, in truth, there are many people – all the time! – who willfully choose to not do something purely for the sake of not doing it.

So I’m not saying that it doesn’t exist, but I am saying that very often when we say, “Ugh, I need to stop procrastinating on this thing”, what we’re really saying is, I know that I need to do it and it’s important, but there’s still something stopping me from doing it. And so what could that be? Again, back to that overwhelm definition or that strategy when we were taking apart that word.

But today, we’re going to look at two reasons why we delay action that are mislabeled as procrastination. Sometimes we delay for no good reason, but sometimes we delay because we lack the know-how or the resources to get something done.

And this is going at be at least a 2 part series!

Let me share a few theories on why we procrastinate, or more specifically, why we call something procrastination, and it actually isn’t procrastination.

In my podcast and my writings, I have talked about essential structures in Coaching. They are Support, Self-knowledge, Action and Education.  And essential structures are the scaffolding. They’re the essential structures that are required for us to actually do things that need done. They are the things, the people, the habits, the knowledge that help us live what we consider successful lives. We have scaffolding, we have strategies that we can use to help us to live more successful lives.

And sometimes we don’t have those things that we need to take action on a task or a project. So we’re procrastinating on it because, for example, we lack the know-how to do something.

For example: I knew I wanted to formalize my business. But It took me months if not a year or two to determine if I needed my company structure to be a C Corp, an S Corp, or an LLC. I felt like I was procrastinating which is not comfortable for me! But in truth, I was thinking about it. I was researching my options, reading things online, working through worksheets. I did all the things, but I still lacked the knowledge to make the right decision. And even if I decided one way or the other, I lacked the legal expertise to actually set it up.

So it’s not that I wasn’t doing anything. I was taking steps, but they weren’t the right steps, because, honestly, that’s not my wheelhouse. Those are not my strengths. And thank goodness I figured that out.

I do not need to learn how to do it,  which is what I was unsuccessfully trying to do.

What I needed to do was find an expert and let them help me. So I called my attorney, Eileen, and said, “Hey, I’m trying to figure this out. You know me, you know my business. I want know formalize my business and register with the state, protect my name and my family’s assets, separating my company business from personal business.

She replied that I needed an LLC and that she could set that up for me. And every year, her office sends in my paperwork to the state to keep it current. It costs a certain amount, and I sign off on it every year, and then it was done. So that is an example of when what looks like procrastination was me not seeing the path forward until I called in an expert. Sometimes we lack the know how, and that’s okay.

Most importantly, being aware of what the real problem is can help us seek the right solution.

Another reaction of NOT DOING that we could call Procrastination may actually be a lack of resources.  Let’s define what a resource is. In this example, a resource is a commodity that we already possess. A resource is our own brain, our education, our experiences. It can be time, it can be money, it can be energy. When I talk about resources and productivity, those three – time, money and energy, are the three I talk about the most.

For example: For a very long time, I wanted to start a podcast. I was very excited at the prospect. I had it all thought out. I had reached out to and spoken with the expert in my community who had a successful podcast.  This expert became my producer Chris because he also hosts and produces podcasts for other people.

My brand community had asked me for a podcast. 

I am a pro at professional speaking and singing, so I’m comfortable behind a microphone.

Many people struggle with consistent content for a podcast, but I was already in the habit of producing content every week for my community, so that wasn’t a stretch.

I had a plan.  I had the know how. I had the supportive people around me, to help me with it, too.

But what I was worried about were resources. Finding the time to add another task, another responsibility to my already full to-do list. 

This was not news. I knew I wanted to start a podcast for years, but I did not have the time to add the podcast in while in the midst of everything else, working full time, managing a household, being present for my family, doing all the things that I needed to do.

Last Fall, my youngest left for college.  And if I haven’t mentioned lately, I adore my kids, my people.  They are the coolest humans on the planet. I do not begrudge one moment I have spent with them.

But I didn’t procrastinate on starting the podcast as much as I chose to not make it happen for a time.  As my responsibilities shifted, I launched my podcast in November of last year. 

Sure, I talked about it for a long time without acting.  At times, when I was frustrated with myself, I would accuse myself of procrastination. But honestly, I knew the opportunity was coming soon and I was waiting for the resource of time became available, and that is the answer. I wasn’t procrastinating as much as I was recognizing how I and the people around me needed to spend my resources.

And what is the awareness here?

Don’t use the term procrastination without digging deeper! Are you procrastinating around something because you don’t know HOW to do it?  Or you lack the resources to make it happen? Well then let’s call the problem what it really is – a lack of know how or resources, and then actively do something to remedy the problem!

Find Focus and Fight Distraction!

Recently, I recorded a live video on my back deck. I wanted to talk about Focus. I was feeling out of focus, just blurry. And I was taking steps to get back on track and thought that would be helpful to my community to talk through.

What is really funny to me is that the video did not go well!

The day before, a friend had mentioned that she had “seen my car videos on Instagram”. I do not want that to Be The Thing! “Colleen recording from her Car”! So, I wanted to shake things up a little. I couldn’t record from my front stairs, as I have also done, because we were watering the grass that morning. So, back deck was plan C. I scrapped the first recording. On my second try, as soon as I started recording, my neighbor came out of his house (I live in the Chicago area and my back door is very close to my neighbor’s back door). So I adjusted. And then his dog – and I like my neighbors and the dog – started barking. And then there was a train a mile away that decided to blow its horn. A Lot.

You get the idea.

And this was a recording about focus. Life is just funny.

Sometimes I feel out of focus. I think we all do.

I could spend time dissecting WHY I lost focus. And that is important long term, I suppose. Personally, I am clear on WHY I was feeling unfocused last week. But for today’s purpose, I want to talk about how to find focus again, sharing basic tools to Find Focus and Fight Distraction.

First, we have to start with recognizing the lack of focus. Then, we can think about what to do about it!

When I teach productivity and time management, I mention that one of the most empowering things to know is that we ourselves can change and improve our situation for better productivity and satisfaction. Knowing there are adjustments that I can make helps me to feel better immediately!

So the topic of Focus, and what adjustments we can make when focus is lacking. Because I know for me, I can’t always force focus. And sometimes I try. Early in lockdown, it came to light that I talk to myself while I work from home. Often, to loudly tell myself to FOCUS! And yelling at me, forcing focus… doesn’t work.

Let’s look at what DOES work!

  • The first step, as it always is in coaching, is Awareness. In this case, awareness that you’re out of focus.
  • I have several check-in points in my days:
    • I can use times of transition – like leaving the house, or coming home, or leaving a client’s house or arriving at my next appointment; or
    • There are natural times, too, like getting up, getting out of the shower, transitioning from work day to family time, etc., and these are all great opportunities to check in on myself and my focus.
  • Many times a day, I do a Body Scan
    • If I am feeling unfocused, I can ask some easy questions and check in with me.
    • First question is, What needs need to be met?
      • Maybe I am STARVING! Yep, that can steal focus and cause distraction.
        • Blood sugar can dip, our brains (and bodies) need food and energy to function.
      • Maybe I am Thirsty.
      • I can check in on that body scan – is there anywhere that I am holding tension? Do I have pain or discomfort anywhere?
      • Am I too hot or too cold? I have to say, in summer, I often find myself unfocused because my office is REALLY HOT in the late afternoon and that makes me drowsy. So, I can pull the blinds, turn on a fan, move to a different area of the house, etc! If I’m aware!
      • Maybe it’s time to get up, stretch, take a nature break, etc!
  • Awareness, too – Here is something we don’t often realize that affects us: Our senses.
    • Working in a too dark or too light room can be distracting, even if we don’t realize it. So, check in!
    • Noises – more or less – yes, these matter, too!  Often, we have auditory distractions that are not consciously registering.  So, intentionally scan our selves and our surroundings can help us adjust our environment
  • Other tools we can use:
    • Breathwork:
      • Also in my time management classes, I teach basic breathwork.
      • I teach my participants square breathing – Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts and hold 4 counts. That’s IT! This can be a 30-60-90 second exercise – I usually call it a mini-vacation – where we concentrate just on our breath.
      • The re-focusing of our thoughts with the added bonus of an more oxygenated brain almost always helps me to refocus.
    • The Pomodoro Method for productivity,
      • The cycle of 25 minutes of work and 5 minutes of rest that we practice in my Finish Line Friday sessions is a tool I use ALL DAY EVERY DAY to get things done.
      • 25 minutes of work 5 minutes of break, and the reminders to re-focus, just in case I have gotten off track.
      • If we’re going to talk about rest, that leads me to the reminder of my recent podcast on rest and recovery. Check that out if you would like to know more.
    • Body Doubling:
      • If you find you’re feeling distracted, and lacking focus, by all means try some of these other tools as well, but also consider phoning or checking in w a friend via text, then open a zoom room or join a group!
      • You can change your location, too, to work near someone around you who IS focused. Since it’s back-to-school time, I think of a library.
      • In college, I would set up in the library and the entire space was dedicated to focus! Quiet, separate from personal distractions, just the work I needed to do in front of me, and other people around me who were seeking the same focused work! So consider what that looks like for you!
  • What does finding your focus look like to you? Consider these tools next time you feel the focus un-focusing!