We can stuff a bag only so full before it bursts. The same goes for our schedules.
A friend emailed me last week “I ran 8 miles this morning and was thinking about blog ideas. Could you write something about people cramming too much into their day? One of the best things I ever did was cut back on the volunteering and get back to the things that I really wanted to do. I cut out [xxxx] after way too many years, and now I finally have time to train for the marathon.”
My response: “I can write that article, and what’s really interesting is that yesterday, a client had the same epiphany. The client was supposed to fly cross-country for a family event. Her husband was unable to attend due to a work deadline, the kids were stressed about missing back-to-school activities, she was just stressed. And she stopped and said ‘No, we’re not going. It’s just too much’ and cancelled the trip. On our coaching call, instead of strategizing about how to get everything done in a short time, we strategized how to Un-make travel plans and determined what her family could say ‘Yes!’ to, since they would be staying home.”
I may not dare something as extreme as these friends (Thanks K&K!), but I respect their awareness that “It’s All TOO MUCH!” sometimes, and how they made the tough decision to let one thing go, in order to make room for something else. Here are some suggestions, if you, too, feel “It’s all TOO MUCH!”:
1. A wise friend says “Don’t ‘Should’ on yourself”. Don’t let others “Should” on you, either, telling you what you should or shouldn’t do. Don’t “should” on others. We need to be kind to ourselves and to others.
2. Find ways to say Yes, on your own terms. I received an email today regarding an upcoming fundraising car wash: washing the towels afterward and returning them clean counts as volunteering! I can’t help at the event because I’ll have houseguests, but Laundry? Oh, yes, I can do laundry!
3. Don’t moan over being too busy to do anything, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
4. Say less. Practice “No, Thank You.” You don’t always need to give an explanation.
5. Make a list of your responsibilities, in broad terms: Work and professional involvements; Family responsibilities (e.g. parent, daughter of aging parents, caregiver for my niece on a school half-day); Household / Life Management Responsibilities; and Organizations with whom you volunteer, with roles or positions held.
6. Looking at that list, ask yourself these Questions:
- “What can Only I Do?” There are some things that only you can do. Be a parent to your children, and a spouse to your partner. I can sing and organize better than many, so I stick with those.
- Be honest here, “What Can Someone Else Do?” In the past, I have let go of roles that others could do as well as me. It’s not easy, to admit that someone else could do an adequate or better job on something, but if you’re looking to pare down, this is where we begin.
- “What will I look back on fondly?” Playing pick-up sticks with my youngest. Driving the teenagers to activities, since we have good conversations in the car. Travel. Making music. Spending time with my hubby, and having all 5 of us together. Guess what – Those are the things I need to make time for.
- “What will I never think of again?” I spend a lot of time menu planning and grocery shopping because we need to eat, but I can happily forget every moment spent on those, and be fine. So I try to do both efficiently and effectively, so I can do them less often! (I do love to cook, though, as well as sitting down for a family meal, or with friends.)
No one else will protect you from “TOO MUCH!” That would be lovely, but it’s not going to happen. So you have to step up for you and your family. I can’t tell you what to pare down, but I can help you determine that for yourself. I don’t have all the answers, but YOU DO!
So, if this week you feel compelled to yell “Stop! It’s all TOO MUCH!” be assured that you are not alone, and that there are specific steps you can take to make life better – and try one out!
