Tag: ADHD

ADHD Awareness Month: Aware In Many Ways

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October is ADHD awareness month.

If you know me at all, you know that I like to play with words. And ADHD Awareness, those two words together, have multiple meanings for me.

ADHD Awareness could mean “I am aware of ADHD. I’m aware of its definition, some of the top behavioral traits that go along with ADHD in children, or in adult males or adult females”, etc.

That could be one way that we are aware of ADHD.

This first part, the “I am aware of ADHD” part, may seem unnecessary to you, but I experience ADHD resistance from people regularly. Because it is invisible, I hear that “ADHD isn’t real”, or “that person doesn’t have ADHD, that person needs better self control or to just try harder”, or, from older generations, “ADHD didn’t exist when I was a kid, so it doesn’t exist now”. Yes, it did exist, we just didn’t have a name for it. And we do have a name for it now, and we know more now, thank goodness.

We cannot deny ADHD exists, or that a person has ADHD. And in terms of awareness, unless you are a clinical psychologist, we also cannot diagnose somebody with ADHD.

I have also heard the complete other end of this spectrum, instead of ADHD doesn’t exit, I hear “Well, we all have ADHD sometimes”. Or “aren’t we all a little ADHD?”, as if that was possible. While this may seem like a more accepting stance than “ADHD doesn’t exist”, it still doesn’t yet respect the impact “Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder” can have on the folks who have it.

Disorder.

Disorder.

There are external behaviors or characteristics that we all may have that people with ADHD also exhibit. Our focus may wander, we may act impulsively, we may have high energy, we may struggle with time management. I have talked about the characteristics of ADHD in other articles and podcasts. From time to time, we all exhibit what may be characteristics of ADHD, but what determines ADHD is how long we exhibit them, how often, to what extent, how they impact our day to day functioning, and with what other behaviors and characteristics. So to respond to “we all have ADHD sometimes”, or “we’re all a little ADHD” – Yes, we all may exhibit the behaviors we expect from someone with ADHD, but how much do those negatively impact our lives? If we are neurotypical, if we do not have ADHD, for example, we are much less impacted.

The first step of awareness is to realize that ADHD exists and what it means. And the next is to find out how it shows up. “ADHD Awareness” can also mean awareness of how ADHD shows up in ourselves and others.

The current data shows that more than 11% of the child population has ADHD (per the CDC website), and that number accounts for only the diagnosed cases. Because ADHD is invisible, and because some people with ADHD can become adept at managing their ADHD on their own or masking their challenges, the actual number is definitely much higher.

So we can be aware that it exists, and we can be aware that we definitely know someone with ADHD. Using that 11% or more of the population statistic, if you know 100 people, at least 11 of them likely have an ADHD diagnosis. If you only know 10, it’s likely at least one has ADHD.

Now, here’s what’s interesting to me in what I do. I’m a certified professional organizer with specific training from Coach Approach for Organizers and the Institute for Challenging Disorganization in helping clients who have ADHD. I help them, through coaching, to find essential structures that support them in the midst of ADHD, to help them to be the best they can be.

And because of who I know and who I work with, and because people feel comfortable enough with me to share, far more than 11% of my circle has ADHD. I find that interesting but in no way negative. It’s noteworthy but not in a bad way. It exists. It exists for a lot of the people that I know, and I have ways of helping them.

A long time member of my community asked me to write more about ADHD, especially Later In Life Diagnosis. There has been a swell of ADHD diagnoses in adults over the past few years. Pre-pandemic and pre-lockdown, many people with undiagnosed ADHD got by and made things work. But the loss of external support structures and the added demands and stresses that came with our home and work lives during pandemic and lock down made many people realize there may be problems that exist that have never been addressed.

And as mentioned before, there are strategies that help all of us and also people with ADHD to get more done, be more productive, manage our responsibilities, manage our stress. I look forward to helping my clients, neuro-typical and neuro-diverse. That’s the answer for me.

In this ADHD Awareness Month, let’s gain awareness of ADHD a little more locally, then, as in “I am aware that this family member or this coworker has ADHD, and I will spend time in October exploring with them what that means for them. If I am in a supportive role for that person, how I can best support that person?”

At the conference I attended last month, we discussed a really powerful and simple tool for working with a neuro-diverse person, like someone with ADHD or that may be autistic. And truly, I think it is a great tool to use for communication with anyone. We ask – what is normal for you?

(And recall, I just talked about normalizing in a recent podcast episode!)

For example, I could say to a client or family member or co-worker,

“Some people like to listen to music while they work. Does that work for you? And if so, what would be your normal music to listen to?”

Or,

“Some people like to use timers to remind them to wrap up a project and move on to their next appointment. Sometimes that works for me. What is your typical way of transitioning from one task to the next? A timer, a visual cue, a verbal reminder from me? Do you have a typical way? What is your normal?”

Ask others “What is your normal?”

Normal movement, temperature, conversation level, work schedule and rhythm, etc.?

These are examples of organizational coaching questions, and I am a professional who works with clients with ADHD. These might feel formal to you, but perhaps you can think of some on your own to open up these topics of conversation with the people around you.

And, my friend, you are allowed to ask for these questions and solutions for yourself, too.

Using myself as an example, because I don’t have to ask permission: if you asked me what my normal is:

I like a visual calendar with blocks of color. I like a digital calendar because I can maneuver the info quickly and easily.

I don’t like being hot, it makes me feel physically ill.

I do not like to listen to music while I work, mainly because I am working with words and I find it hard to have the words I am working with conflicting with the words I am hearing. In a conversation with my husband recently about working with music on, he mentioned he likes music and it works for him because he is dealing with numbers. I appreciate that insight.

I appreciate patience from a person who interrupts me for me to catch up with what they are saying because it takes my brain a moment to switch over to them.

I don’t like to be late, it makes me really anxious.

Those are parts of my normal. What is your normal? Once you know it, can you ask for it? And can you ask others how to support their normal as well?

In this ADHD Awareness Month, let’s understand that ADHD exists, and what that means. And let us gain awareness around ADHD in the people around us and even in ourselves.

Other articles of mine on ADHD:

https://peaceofmindpo.com/2021/10/13/adhd-awareness-month-for-yourself-and-for-others/

https://peaceofmindpo.com/2023/10/23/october-is-adhd-awareness-month-more-than-just-awareness/

October is ADHD Awareness Month: More Than Just Awareness

October is ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) Awareness Month.

Last week, I spoke with one of my accountability partners, Laine.  Laine is the ADHD Coach that I want to be when I grow up. She’s amazing. If you’d like to know more, check out her website at http://thinkinganddoingskillscenter.com/.  She is always looking to reach and positively impact more students and adults with her coaching. 

On our accountability call, we discussed that this is the time of year when mid-quarter progress reports go home, and for many students, we find out that they are struggling with their grades and workload.

Perhaps a student hasn’t been diagnosed but the teacher or school administrator may start the conversation regarding testing and diagnosis. 

OR perhaps a student is diagnosed with ADHD but they haven’t necessarily found the strategies or skills, or aren’t using them, or need to explore more to help them do as well as they could in school.

Laine and took a moment to share our own stories about our experiences with ADHD for either ourselves or loved ones.  And I realized that I don’t tell ADHD stories, and that’s a disservice to you and to me and anybody who has ADHD.

Today, I want to talk about what ADHD is and what it looks like in ourselves and the people around us. We will increase awareness around ADHD and some symptoms that go along with it, and mention the strategies and skills that can be used to improve the lives of EVERYONE, including folks with ADHD. 

See what I did there?  I reminded all of us that the strategies that help folks with ADHD to manage their neurodiversity are the same strategies that can help us all on any given day.

To get us started, I want to share a conversation I had recently with a friend about her grown child with ADHD.  And keep in mind – we are not doing an in-depth study of ADHD today, because that would be impossible in one day. 

Today, we are increasing awareness!

This grown child, this young adult, is doing great, professionally speaking. They recently graduated from college, they have a new job in their field of study, they’re really excited about it, they’re just doing great.

But this young adult struggles beyond that.  In addition to a new job, they also have a new living arrangement in this new stage of life. And they are really struggling with all the change, the expectation to set up a home and to manage themselves. 

Of course I can’t coach a person who’s not there, that’s not how that works.  But I can increase awareness with this young adult’s loved one who is trying to understand where their young adult is coming from, and how to help.  And I respect that.  We can all start by recognizing there is more going on with every person than we may be aware of.

First, I asked “is the young adult diagnosed or not?”, and the answer was yes. Next, I asked if they received counseling or therapy specifically around their ADHD and where they may struggle, and the answer was no.

So this friend and I simply worked on ADHD Awareness together.

First, I want you to click over to and read an article I wrote for the basics, ADHD Awareness Month, For Yourself and for Others.

It’s not necessarily that people with ADHD have symptoms that are completely different than anybody else in a busy time of life or any other time. What makes it troublesome and what leads many of us to either get tested or get our loved ones tested for ADHD or other neuro-diversities is if the struggles happen more than occasionally, or are negatively impacting a person’s life. And by life I mean relationships, how they succeed or excel in school or professionally, or in whatever it is that they’re trying to achieve.

So we all have challenges some days with achievement or focus or productivity or motivation, but it’s when those challenges negatively impacts life for a certain amount of time, those are the red flags that say, okay, there’s more going on here, and we need to ask if perhaps this person is neurodivergent. Again, many of us display these characteristics. It’s the severity and the comorbidities, like folks with ADHD also suffering from higher rates of anxiety or depression, that make ADHD troublesome.

Back to my friend and her young adult.

For this friend and her grown child, we discussed that this young adult is able to excel at work but their home life and relationships suffer, and they are exhausted all the time.  I mentioned that, whereas I might have a busy day at work and I need to come home and take a half hour to shift gears and decompress before staring my next activity, someone with ADHD has worked much harder to be productive at work and to manage their challenges and may need much more time to regroup.

Let’s understand Masking.

People with ADHD and other people as well learn to cover up what may be considered culturally undesirable behaviors.  So little ones learn to not blurt out answers in the classroom or hop out of their seats when their energy tells them otherwise.  And they learn to manage and mask, but it also takes effort to NOT act this way.

Let’s understand, too, a different type of masking:

Children with ADHD are often not diagnosed until they reach transitions like elementary school to middle school, or middle school to high school, or even high school to college.  Strong and supportive parenting and learning environments are AWESOME but occasionally ADHD goes undiagnosed until a student reaches the point when their external coping supports (parents and teachers) no longer make up for the challenges from their ADHD.

Let’s understand Hyperfocus

Another characteristic of ADHD is Hyperfocus. ADHD is often misunderstood and underdiagnosed because people with ADHD may be able to hyper-focus on something that is interesting to them.  This is why ADHD is not a full enough name, because “Attention Deficit” is not always true.

And, for many people with ADHD, they are paying Attention to EVERYTHING. Did you know? When a person with ADHD looks like they’re not paying attention, it’s actually very likely that they are paying attention to absolutely everything in the room.  If they’re listening to their teacher talk about math or to a friend tell a story, or they’re trying to focus on the email in front of them, they are also hearing every background sound there is.

They are noticing how their clothing feels at every point that it touches their body.

They are noticing the temperature of the air around them, and the smell of the space.

They are noticing everything. Any pains that might be in their body. They notice it all. It’s not that they’re not paying attention. Attention deficit is actually a misnomer in some ways, because they’re processing input from everything.

And so what may look like inattentiveness is actually the fact that they are processing everything all the time. And they might not even know what’s happening. And where you think that it is a character flaw, defiance or something else, it might very well be that they have so many different signals coming in at any given point that they’re just taking a bit of time to process.

And again, that’s not necessarily specific to ADHD, but it is a common trait of somebody with ADHD.

Let’s Also understand Bandwidth, or spoons.

All of us have a certain amount of energy and focus and motivation to get things done every day.  And once those commodities are used up for the day, it’s time for rest.    Some people call these units of measure spoons.  So each of us starts with a certain number of spoons to use throughout the day. 

With me so far?

All of us consume the spoons.  And if we’re sick or sad, we may have fewer spoons than normal.  And some days we have to do hard things, which uses up our spoons faster.

A person with ADHD may have the same amount spoons as you and me when they start their day.  But they may use them faster than we do because they have to make themselves focus and motivate and get things done in  a certain way that isn’t how their brain is wired to work.

Now, let’s talk about recovery.

Just as a neurotypical person needs to rest and re-fuel to face another day, so does, of course, a person with ADHD.  But it may take longer. In addition to using spoons faster than others, a person with ADHD may take longer to replace the spoons.  Even a person with ADHD who is managing themselves well and getting the support they need knows that they MUST employ strategies and skills to rest and replenish.  And we have to respect that.

Somebody with ADHD, because they have been dealing with all of these external stimuli for so long, can absolutely maintain for a bit, and then they’re exhausted. And what takes you and I perhaps an hour or two, or a good night’s sleep, to recuperate from could take them days.

And I think where all of this is leading me to is right here:

Your awareness of ADHD or now doesn’t validate or invalidate a friend or loved one with ADHD.  Yes, there are people out there who believe ADHD doesn’t exist.

But today I want to increase awareness.  I want to show all of us that we all struggle sometimes.  People with ADHD and people without ADHD.

As I started this topic today, I mentioned that we don’t know where people are coming from. But now we know  more.  We know better.  And I was quoted back to myself last week, apparently I often say “when we know better we must do better” (I will credit this to Maya Angelou). 

No one is broken and no one needs fixed.  We just need to understand more about others, be aware there is more happening than we know and be ready to support others by educating ourselves.  More than 10% of the population has ADHD, whether you or they have been diagnosed or not.  You may have ADHD, and I guarantee you know people with ADHD.  Some who struggle and some who manage well.

We need to understand that it’s happening, and support ourselves and others with understanding, communication and education.

There are resources out there to help. Coaching, counseling, therapy. 

CHADD, https://chadd.org/, Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD)

ADD.org, Attention Deficit Disorder Association

There are tools to help individuals manage their ADHD and to support the folks who support people with ADHD. The best indicator for success is for everyone to understand ADHD Better. 

Body Double: Prepositions and Productivity

Let’s talk Prepositions.

And Productivity.

Prepositions and Productivity.

Last night, I had an epiphany: I realized I should think of this week’s topic as a podcast first and THEN an article, and not the other way around, which would be my usual approach. However, sometimes things are just easier to say than they are to write.

For example, what I want to talk about this week is something called Body Doubling. Body Doubling is… well, it’s many things. It’s an awareness. It is a strategy. It is a tool to use for greater productivity, if and when you need it. And isn’t that the best sort of tool or strategy, the one you can use as needed? And it all starts with awareness.

Another term for Body Doubling is “Parallel Work”, and I really like that term as well. Let’s face it, the term “Body Doubling” sometimes sounds like we’re talking about space aliens in some b movie from the 80s.

Body Doubling is the phenomenon? idea? awareness? that sometimes we work better with others. We may work better with others even if we aren’t working on the same work. With others, among others, around others, beside others, by and near other people, and any other prepositions we can use!

We can be motivated, inspired, accountable and anchored to our work simply by the presence of another person or persons. We can model the productivity to others, or be modeled to, to get the work done. We don’t necessarily have to work with people on the the same project. We can each work independently on what we need to complete. But just being in the midst of other people working can help us to stay more focused on our own work.

I’ve noticed an increase lately of conversations and articles about body doubling, probably from a similar increase in remote working and more generally accepted conversations about neurodiversity, since body doubling is a strategy that can work for all people, and also people with ADHD and other neuro-diversities.

My youngest son is away at college. While he was home for break, I mentioned that I had to hop on a zoom call, that a group of us were working on our own projects but together so we’re more committed to getting things done.  He said, “Oh, body doubling”.  Like it was obvious. I love that this idea is readily discussed and is accessible to him.  Body doubling is not news. Obviously, people have been working together for better productivity for EVER. But the idea that this is actually a strategy that can be used as necessary might be news to you.

Let’s look at different instances when Body Doubling shows up.

  • Before I had a name for it, I recognized that sometimes my sons needed to work at the dining room table together with me or with each other to get their homework done. And sometimes they needed to work alone. And it was helpful to know we had a choice.
  • Just yesterday, body doubling occurred when my husband asked me if I wanted to take a walk. Did it occur to me to take a walk on my own? Maybe. But since we agreed to walk and discussed when and where to go, we were more likely to make it happen (and we did!).
  • Years ago, a client and friend said it would be enough for me to just come and sit and read in her living room while she organized, because having someone there with her helped her to focus on the projects.
  • A bookkeeper friend shares office space with a friend during tax season because she knows she is less likely to get distracted when she is working side by side with someone else working on taxes.
  • A friend struggled early in lockdown when his office went fully remote. He had been unaware of the boost to productivity he experienced working side by side with coworkers until that was gone and he struggled to stay motivated and get things done.
  • A friend realized that a partner and friend along for the ride would make a dreaded errand less dreadful. So she enlisted a friend to join her for the errand and they made an afternoon of it. And the errand was completed.
  • As an organizer, I have known about body doubling for years because it is a strategy that comes from working with a professional organizer. Making an appointment to organize makes organizing happen. I am not doing the work for my clients but WITH them, anchoring them to the space and to the work.

Now that we know that body doubling works, let’s look at how to work it into our productivity practices.

  • The First Step Is Always Awareness:
    • Identify that body doubling is a strategy, and realize that you might be a person who benefits from it!
  • How To Use the Tool:
    • Ask yourself, How Do You Do Your Best Work? Identify what types of work benefits from body doubling.
      • For example, for me, intense brain work tasks and final edits are best done alone, silent and with no distraction. But most other types of my work benefit from working alongside others. So I plan accordingly.
    • Enlist Aid:
      • When looking for a body double, find someone who matches or improves your energy. If you’re struggling to get things done, reach out to someone who is motivated and positive!
      • “Phone a friend” but be choosy about the friend! Phone a friend, but make sure that friend will be someone who is supportive of your productivity!
      • Everyone Can Win: Set up an arrangement, like you will body double with your friend for her organizing project this week, and she can come over and be your body double for your closet project next week!
    • Join a Group!
      • A client (a college professor) has been part of Writing Groups for years. Fellow academics get together regularly, either in-person or virtually, and dedicate time just for goal setting and writing.
      • I joined Momentum Sessions (https://focus-sessions.momentumdash.com) so I can hop into a focus group to get work done. Seeing other folks on the screen in our zoom room helps me to stay on track!
      • Join me for Finish Line Friday every Friday morning!
      • For another way to feel like you have a body-double, try https://coffitivity.com/
    • Start Your Own Group:
      • A friend started a morning walking group in her neighborhood, to help her friends (for sure!) but also to help herself commit to walking!
      • Start a group at work!
        • Most office environments are geared to parallel work, but you may want to discuss how to avoid disruptions if you start a group.
        • Set up boundaries for group work, for example, quiet or silence for part of the time, expectations from the different group members, length of time per session, etc.
    • Check out your usual haunts – do you find that you can be more productive at your local coffee shop, library, college campus, etc? Make an appointment with yourself to work from there!

Now that you know more about body doubling and how it works, it’s time to step back and look at your tasks and work for this week and strategize how to make body doubling work for you!

Better Communications to Maximize Moments

Communications: Scripted and Unscripted

“I propose: Getting clear on your own communications and expectations can save you time and lessen aggravation! Less follow-up, less drama, fewer mistakes!”

February is Time Management Month and I promised via my newsletter we would dig a little deeper into matters of Time Management. This week I want to talk about keeping our communications on track to maximize our time management.

I am a podcaster now. (I love saying that!) Last week, I taught a 4 hour time management class for a training program at a local community college, and one of the participants actually asked how to write for and start a podcast! So I shared a few ideas.

And here is the thing – and perhaps you have noticed, if you are a regular listener – I write my notes for every episode.

Mostly.

I want to make sure I cover what I want to cover, and I don’t really trust myself to remember it all in the moment, or under pressure of recording (not that there is much pressure). But I want to remember, so I write most of my script.

Equally important, though, are the unscripted moments. The off-the-cuff moments.

For example, in addition to being a certified professional organizer, I am also a professional musician. And I can perform hundreds of songs without music in front of me. But I prefer to see the music in front of me, just in case. Scripted, right? However, even though I have not written the song, I can put my own stamp on it in the performance, my personal interpretation. Unscripted.

Let me be clear. I am my own life-long coaching and organizing project! Organizing comes as easy as breathing to me, as do coaching topics, but I will forever be a work in progress. And Communications are ever evolving for me!

My actor son and I were discussing that so many plot lines for tv/movies/plays evolve around drama created by poor communications. We talked about Shakespeare to modern day, but it’s true. How much drama is created when we don’t communicate clearly, we jump to conclusions, we make assumptions, or things just don’t go as planned?

I propose: Getting clear on your own communications and expectations can save you time and lessen aggravation! Less follow-up, less drama, fewer mistakes!

I am suggesting a combination of Scripted and Unscripted communications strategies.

How do we script our communications? But also keep them unscripted enough to remain meaningful and personal?

Here’s an example of the combination of Scripted and Unscripted:

When I was in college in Ohio, I would call my parents in Michigan on Sunday nights. This was our arrangement. And since we did not yet have email or texting, that was the one certain time that we would communicate in a week. And I used to keep a note of things / events / achievements I wanted to tell them about. Of course we also would chat about anything and everything else, too, but I had a note so I didn’t forget. And of course, I have caught grief about this habit from my siblings over the years as being over-organized, but that is not news. And I digress.

Another example of the combination of scripted and unscripted (sort of):

I prefer in-person and face to face communications over talking on the telephone. So unless I’m just checking in with a family member, I usually have at least some reason to make a phone call and therefore a mental agenda (probably just a point or two) for the call. Because, to manage our time, we can also manage our conversations. We can manage ourselves and be as clear as possible about expectations and time limits AND still listen closely and let the conversation evolve naturally.

I will often manage a phone call, especially about professional matters like my business or school board work like I would run a meeting, with an appointed start time, an agreed-upon goal and length of call, and a summary and statement of next steps at the end.

That example of scripted and unscripted communications leads me to Boundaries and Best Practices, all of which we set for ourselves.

Another story from childhood regarding boundaries (which I am constantly working on) or etiquette:

Growing up, we had etiquette rules for using the family home phone. We weren’t supposed to make or receive calls after 9:30 at night because it was rude to bother others at bedtime. Our friends knew not to call after 9:30. Same thing for morning phone calls. No calls before 8 am or so. Which is funny, as these are my dad’s rules and he sometimes calls me now long before 8 am my time (he lives in a different time zone). And don’t worry, he won’t be offended that I brought this up, he doesn’t do technology and he certainly doesn’t listen to podcasts. More importantly, I still have those guidelines in my head so I don’t make or take calls and texts extra early or late at night.

What I can do, to script, is to model the behavior I prefer.

  • I will not send a text or make a call outside what might be deemed polite time.
  • I do not typically answer work related calls, texts or emails on a weekend.
  • In some relationships like a coaching relationship, I ask others for their preferred method of communications. Perhaps someone will some day ask me the same!
  • I at least initiate correspondence in my chosen method.

Let’s go back to college and Speech 101: In communications we have the sender, the message and language, the method of communication, the message and language received by the receiver and then feedback. WE need to keep all of those components in mind if we’re going to do a good job!

Here are ways that communication can go awry:

  • “You know what they say…” No, perhaps I do not. Please tell me, specifically.
  • “It goes without saying.” No, no it does not. Say it anyway. I am a good communicator, but I really need to be clear on what message you are sending, and I am not a mind reader.
  • “Well, you know…” No, No I don’t know. Please be more specific.
  • “What do you think they meant by that?” In the context of someone else’s statement. For me, I think they meant what they said, and if they didn’t, I’m not going to make things worse by guessing, extrapolating or theorizing about how or what someone else communicated.

Good communications save time when we are clear with what we are saying and what we are hearing. I heard a great question listening to a podcast today – If someone asks you a question and you’re unclear about what they are asking, ask them to “Please ask the question in a different way.” (The Mind Your Business Podcast with James Wedmore.) It takes into consideration jargon and semantics. And I often check in with people in conversation – “did I fully answer the question you were asking?“

What have we learned?

  • Get clear on your communications to save yourself time later!
  • Have a Script, at least a little, around managing your communications, but be flexible enough to embrace unscripted as well.
  • Establish your own communication boundaries and be ready to lead by example
  • Check in regularly with others regarding your own communications. And,
  • In addition, on your various communications channels, factor these check-ins to your routines, to ensure two way communication is happening.

Where can you improve communications this week with this new awareness?

Find Your Focus Areas!

(Want to watch me share this article? Click here for a FB live: https://www.facebook.com/MColleenKlimczakCPO/videos/812165770032446)

It always delights me when someone quotes me back to me! At a recent meeting, a friend mentioned that her brother had attended one of my Stress Management presentations. Of course, she also mentioned that she asked him to do something and he said “No, that isn’t in my Focus Areas”! (No names are mentioned, for anonymity!)

In my Stress Management Presentations, I recommend identifying and then sticking with your Focus Areas.

The idea is to identify what is important to you, and subsequently, what is NOT important to you. And once you know what is important to you – what is a high priority for you – intentionally spend your time and energy and resources on the high priority areas of your life.

Being intentional on how we spend our resources is important when it comes to getting things done, decreasing stress and increasing feelings of accomplishment and satisfaction.

Reviewing my notes, I realize that Focus Areas come up a lot for me. For example:

  • When writing an agenda for a board meeting – “What is important? What do we have to make sure to talk about?”
  • EVERY WEEK when I check in with my 2 accountability partners, I report using my Focus Areas as writing prompts.
  • In a recent conversation about the lingering effects of lock down and the pandemic, as in, “even when in lockdown for months in my home, I still didn’t want to work on jigsaw puzzles or knit a blanket.”
  • Even in casual conversations with my son. As in “Mom, you should watch this entire YouTube series on conspiracy theories.”
    • “Um, no. No, I should not.” Binge watching anything, especially something on conspiracy theories, is NOT in my Focus Areas.

What is important to you? What are your Focus Areas? If you’re unclear on what your Focus Areas are, start by checking three places: Your bank account, your calendar and your texting history. “What is important to you” is what you spend your resources on. Resources like time, money and energy.

Here’s the other side of that statement, though. Are you spending your resources on the areas of your life that you WANT to be important to you? Meaning, do you feel like building your business is important to you, but upon review of your resources, you aren’t spending a lot of energy on that endeavor? Or family or relationships or faith, etc.? As I plan my work today, I use my focus areas to determine what I DO and DO NOT want to spend my time on.

OK, so my Focus Areas are:

  • Service and Faith: School Board Work, Community Work, Ministries at church including Choir, Cantoring and Baptismal Prep
  • Home / Family: First thing first, my husband and sons. Then family and friends. And “Home” is the care and nurturing of home, cleaning, cooking, projects, holidays, etc.
  • Personal / Wellness
  • Educate Me: educational pursuits, learning new skills, reading non-fiction, learning new music.
  • My Company. I have subcategories, or business specific focus areas, too. They are Coaching, Clients, Presentations, Marketing and Business Specific.

What might your Focus Areas be? Career, Family, Health, Hobbies or a specific interest, Adventures, Friends, Money, Spiritual Needs, Personal Growth, Physical Fitness, etc..

A caveat: Our Focus Areas are an internal choice. A quick way to identify what might NOT be one of your Focus Areas is any time the idea comes from outside of you and is accompanied by a Should. As in almost ALL ADVERTISING! or “Wow, you should totally get a tattoo and run off to South America if you want to live a fulfilled life like me.” Huh? Um, no, thanks.

Additionally, our Focus Areas can change and evolve over time, just like we do as humans.

Knowing what our Focus Areas are helps us to make good decisions on how to spend our resources. They also give us a rubric for deciding on how to NOT spend our resources. Even if it means we respond to a request with “No, I am not willing to do that, it is not important to me, or part of my Focus Areas”!

The Basics: What MUST Be In Your Pocket?

When I started writing this article yesterday, I planned to write it from the going-off-to-college perspective. But, this morning, a 4 year old changed my plan.

Can we start with the basics? 5 things, maybe 6. BASIC. But so very important.

Let’s call them our Pocket Essentials. The items that you consider essential to leaving the house. Your Pocket Essentials are personal and change with age or stage in life. So, my Pocket Essentials for leaving the house – the bare minimum without which I cannot leave – car and house keys on one ring, phone, wallet and sunglasses. Truly, I can get pretty far with just these few things. But without them, I can’t even leave the garage.

From the 4 year old (a client’s daughter), she needed her dollar bill – HERS, not her sister’s, because HERS is smooth and her sister’s is crinkly – and a pink formal long glove. Just one. And very bright pink. And please, don’t question her choice. (She and her siblings were delightful.)

This summer, my son’s pocket essentials for work are his phone, house keys and electronic time card. If he leaves without any of those things, he has to come back for them. When he goes off to college in just a few weeks, he will need to establish A PLACE and JUST ONE PLACE for his college Pocket Essentials – phone, college ID and room key.

The point:

Identify your essentials, whether you are 4, 18 or 50 something.

Establish A PLACE for the essentials to live.

Then, cultivate the habit around making sure your essentials live in that ONE PLACE when you get home so they are ready again for you when you leave.

I have a theory when it comes to organizing and time management: How we manage transition times in our day can make or break our schedule and success.

Transition times are the many instances in our day when we switch from one task to another, one focus to another, one location to another, etc. They include: getting out of bed, leaving for and arriving at school or work, heading to lunch or getting back from lunch, leaving from school or work, arriving home, making dinner or going to bed.

If you live with at least one other human or pet, you also have to factor in their transition times. And when we look at how many instances in a day we are shifting gears, it’s easy to see how many instances there are also to stumble!

So, to Recap:

Establish what your Pocket Essentials are. A short list, not too much to keep track of, but Essential nonetheless.

Then, establish ONE PLACE. By the front or back door? We have a little basket mounted on the wall by the back door where my husband keeps his Pocket Essentials. Mine are all contained in my backpack, also near the exit. Perhaps on your dresser or the kitchen counter? Pick ONE PLACE. Let others in the house know where the place is. Put a nice dish or basket there just for the Pocket Essentials. maybe a charger for your phone, etc.

Finally, establish the habit of keeping your Pocket Essentials in your ONE PLACE while you’re home so it’s waiting for you when it comes time to leave.

My habit is to take off my shoes by the back door and then take everything out of my pockets onto my desk (right next to the back door.) Keys get clipped to my bag, sunglasses go in my bag, phone gets charged on the desk if necessary. Same goes for my family members, dropping their Pocket Essentials by the door or on their dresser. If any of us find those essentials elsewhere in the house, we return them to their ONE PLACE.

And if I happen to walk by my bag and the keys are not clipped to my bag, or my phone is not where I expected it to be, I had better go track it down! Before missing my Pocket Essentials messes up my next Transition time!!

But, What If It Is Amazing?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” – Marianne Williamson

It is so easy to believe the bad stuff. And there is a lot of bad stuff sometimes, I know. Most of our brains, especially brains with ADHD, or anxiety or depression, trend negative.


I pride myself on having a positive inner narrative, of making sure I keep an eye on the good things inside and around me. I know I am a much happier person that way, much more productive, certainly more pleasant to be around, and with positivity and good energy to share. And I do.


Recently, I identified a place in my mind where Fear had snuck in. In one small area, I had let fear guide me, keeping me from moving ahead on a project. And when I identified fear in one place, I also realized that I had let the fear in one area leak quietly into other areas of my life as well.


Sneaky thing, fear.


Fear was keeping me stuck. I had fear of failing and of succeeding, at the same time. Go figure! Illogical, of course, but sometimes our thoughts are illogical!


I worked through some things over the last week, using tools I have from my coaching practice on my own challenges. The first step is awareness that there is a problem. I completed perspective work, I listened to my intuition, I checked in on my own needs and values. Yes, I coached me with my coaching tools!


And what came to me was, “Fear can be scary, but what if the other side of the fear is AMAZING??


What if this scary thing, when I get through it, results in something totally awesome? Fear wants us to believe that negative things can happen, and they can, but so can amazing things, in equal measure. The AMAZING results are actually more likely than the failure, in this instance.


So let’s ask…. (and we will stick with organizing, though you can swap that word out for anything else you want, too):


What are you afraid of?

  • Afraid of failing at organizing?
    • Every thing we try is a learning experience, there really isn’t failure there.
  • Afraid that organizing might be difficult?
    • Ok, but how much more difficult is it to struggle every day?
  • Afraid that organizing might be easy, and I’ll realize I should have done it years ago?
    • Ok, but why bother beating yourself up about the past? Show past-you some grace and enjoy today’s success.
  • Afraid that the path might not be easy or straightforward?
    • It won’t be, and that is ok, too.


Now that I am aware that Fear had me stuck, I am looking more to the AMAZING part.

Yes, I have work to do. I already had work to do, now I can do without being afraid, too.

Yes, things may get hard. But things were hard anyway, and now maybe they can also get easier!

Fear is scary, but join me on the other side of Fear for AMAZING!

Stress-less Gifting: Create a GIFT HOME

In last week’s newsletter, I promised to tackle common clutter Hot Spots, so let’s look at creating ONE PLACE for your gifts and cards to give.

Don’t you love it when you find the perfect gift for a loved one, even if it’s the wrong time of year? So we hold on to the gift, anticipating the joy of giving and receiving.

And, doesn’t it drive you CRAZY when you can’t find that great gift when the time comes to give it!?!?!

Establish A HOME for your gifts-to-give.  As you establish a GIFT HOME,

  • Plan ahead if the GIFT HOME needs to be hidden from curious eyes, with lidded opaque containers or a door that locks!
  • The GIFT HOME should expand to hold more when major holidays are coming.
    • For example, my GIFT HOME is a cabinet in my laundry room. The cabinet is near the door to the crawl space, so Christmas gifts can overflow to a few bins in there as necessary until I wrap them and give them out.
  • Make the GIFT HOME convenient so you will actually stick with putting items there and then retrieving them again. A client had a GIFT HOME in their attic, which was hidden but was so inconvenient that the client didn’t use it consistently.
  • Bonus points if the GIFT HOME is near wrapping paper, shipping boxes and the necessary accessories!



The next level on this project is to use the GIFT HOME for a stash of more general gifts to give.

  • Helping with fundraiser raffle baskets in December, each basket needed just a few things to complete it – fuzzy socks and lotion for one, a Christmas mug or candle for another, etc.  One of my fellow volunteers asked “Do you just have a cabinet with all of these gift things just waiting?” and I answered “Yes!”.
  • Use the dedicated GIFT HOME to hold gifts that you might need to have / give with little notice. If I happen across a fun item, I will purchase a few extras to spontaneously give out. This idea was really helpful when my sons were younger, for that weekend birthday party the 8 year old forgot to tell you about until an hour before! I had a stash of Lego sets that came and went!
  • To be honest, I am absolutely a re-gifter. I use the GIFT HOME to hold onto NEW ONLY lovely items I receive but may never use until I can give them to someone who will love the item more than me. I attach a post-it to remind me where it came from, so I don’t end up giving it back to someone accidentally.



And Now, Gift Cards!

  • Establish a GIFT HOME for your unused gift cards, to use and to give as gifts as needed. Gift cards are $$ already spent!  Let’s make the most of those!
  • We keep a lot of gift cards because we use the gift card fundraiser program at my son’s school. We buy gift cards, and a portion of the sale goes towards tuition.
  • We have a different holder for the slightly used ones, and we note the remaining balance on the card with a sharpie.
  • Working with clients, I can’t even count how many gift cards we’ve found floating around in junk drawers, piles of papers, discarded gift wrap and bags, etc., and then we don’t know if the card is new or used. We can check the balance on the card by calling the phone # on the back, or visiting the website listed.

Do future-you a favor and create a consistent and accessible home for your gifts and gift cards for less-stressful gift giving!

ADHD Awareness Month, for Yourself and For Others

October is ADHD Awareness Month, and I want to help us all be more aware!

ADHD (Attention Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder) is a
“neurodevelopmental disorder affecting both children and adults around the globe.” (from adhdawarenessmonth.org)

In my roles as a certified professional organizer, organizing coach and
fellow human being, I interact with many people with ADHD.

And, So Do You.

My next few blog articles will help you get to know ADHD.  I hope to delve deeper, but for now, let’s work on the “Awareness” of ADHD Awareness Month.

Did you know?

·    At least 10% of the population have ADHD, and probably a much higher percentage go undiagnosed or unnoticed. In a classroom
of 20 students, at least 2 have ADHD. 

·   ADHD can run in families, but not always.

  • If you have 10 friends with ADHD, each of the 10 will show their ADHD in a different way. There is no one way that a person with ADHD will act.

  • “ADHD”, at least the “H” part, may be a misnomer as not everyone who has ADHD also has hyperactivity.  ADHD can also show up as inattention, poor focus, poor planning, and poor impulse control and emotional regulation, to list just a few symptoms.

     

  •  ADHD is diagnosed from 2.5 to 4 times more often in boys than it is in girls (https://www.healthline.com/health/adhd/adhd-symptoms-in-girls-and-boys).  HOWEVER, ADHD is spread evenly between genders.  The difference is the rate of diagnosis.  ADHD shows up differently in different people, and characteristics like being “emotional”, “daydreamy” or “flighty” can wrongly be attributed to girls just because they’re girls and not because they may have an underlying condition.

     

  • ADHD can be diagnosed at any age. ADHD is diagnosed for  children of school age, but also with the transition to high school or to college, when parental supports and involvement changes and no longer compensates for the student with ADHD.

     

     

  • In addition, ADHD was not understood when most of today’s adults were children and many adults will continue to live life undiagnosed.

     

     

  • Folks with ADHD don’t need to “just try harder”, or “apply themselves”, or have better discipline.  ADHD is caused by a chemical deficit in the brain and not by some character flaw.  Often individuals with ADHD work very hard to overcome the challenges that come with ADHD and have spent their life coming up with coping strategies.

     

     

  • Some of the challenges of ADHD can also be considered benefits. For example, a characteristic of ADHD is the ability to hyper-focus on topics that are interesting to the individual. Of course, the ability to hyper-focus is also what sometimes leads to a misdiagnosis.

     

     

  • There are tools to help individuals manage their ADHD.  There is hope. 

And I think HOPE is the most important awareness of all.