Tag: Coaching

Multitasking Is A Myth, Here’s a Different Strategy

I don’t know if I’ve ever said this in a blog article, and I’m pretty sure I haven’t said it in a podcast episode, but here is a bold statement.

Are you ready?

Multitasking is a myth.

And I am saying this as a person who spends most of her days doing what looks like multitasking. The real irony is that I started writing this content while driving (I record it as a voice memo to transcribe later), and now I am editing it while hosting my Finish Line Friday productivity session. Looks like multitasking, but it isn’t.

And here is the thing: when we think we are multitasking, we are really switchtasking. This term was first introduced to me by Dave Crenshaw, just want to give credit where credit is due.

Unless we truly are just walking and talking, or watching TV and eating popcorn, or riding in a car and watching the scenery, our brain is actually switching back and forth between tasks.

So the point is, multitasking is a myth. Our brains truly are not capable of doing multiple things at a time well. We can’t do them well. At least, depending on the different tasks, right?

Perhaps I can drive and also take a call, but I’m not doing either task then as well as I could. And certainly not in a congested area where I also need to pay attention to the navigation a little bit more closely. So I absolutely end calls with people, or I just don’t answer my phone, because sometimes, yes, I recognize that my brain can’t necessarily do two high focus things at once.

It’s not that we can’t do multiple things at once, it really depends on the complexity or severity or the type of action.

I can chat with my husband while we take a walk. I can cook and listen to music. I can wash the dishes or clean the house and talk to somebody on the phone. We CAN do multiple things at once. However, with high level thinking and focus, we cannot multitask. What is occurring in your brain, again, is switch tasking. Switch tasking is what it sounds like, switching our focus. And every time we switch our focus, we have to refocus on the thing in front of us, and then when we switch back, we have to refocus again on this new thing that we’re focusing on now.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I know that there are some days that I can focus easily and switch easily, and there are some days that I cannot switch easily or refocus easily. And what that means to me is that my capacity to focus is a limited commodity and can be used up over the course of a day or week. Like energy and time and decision-making capacity. Those three things, too, are also needed to get things done and are also finite resources that can get used up, more quickly on some days than others.

My ability to switch and re-focus is finite, and may be affected on some days by external factors like my quantity and quality of sleep the night before, or how noisy my work space is, or how often my phone is chiming at me with notifications.

Switch tasking requires focus, energy, brain space or bandwidth, whatever you want to call it. And uses these up faster than just regular tasking, if that’s a word. There may come a point, some days earlier in the day than others, when we can’t switch-task successfully. We are not as productive as we want to be, or should be.

We can spend all of that focus and energy and time, and then it’s gone. We can deplete the well, we can empty the wallet, we can use all the water in the jug and it’s empty. We won’t have more until we take a break and replace it somehow. We can switch back and forth, but at what price? What’s the cost?

There is a better way. We can, at least some times, focus fully on what we’ve got going on in front of us and similar tasks so our brain doesn’t have to keep switching. Yes, lets work on that. So we can get more done and more importantly, we can get things done without completely depleting our brain!

Recently with a client, we were discussing Batch work. She has a lot of different tasks that she needs to take care of. Don’t we all? There are things that need to be done, and the sheer quantity of tasks is overwhelming to her, AND the variety of things is also overwhelming to her. And right now, she only sees them all together. She’s not seeing them prioritized, she’s not seeing them categorized, she’s not seeing them in any of those ways. And so that means it’s even more overwhelming.

And at this moment, for a couple of reasons, she is depleted of energy and bandwidth already, and she is finding it very difficult to get things done. We worked on papers together, and recognized, too, that her papers are a representation of the tasks that need to be completed. Papers are also time management, in this case, especially. She might have a medical bill that needs to be paid, but she also needs to call the doctor and ask a question. Each piece of paper represents a couple different things for her. She was seeking a way to categorize broad categories of the papers and actions because she know multitasking wasn’t working and categories made more sense, especially at this moment.

So we talked about batch work. We talked about grouping similar papers and therefore tasks together like putting all the bills to pay in one place and then putting a date on the calendar or an appointment on the calendar for a couple hours every week to get the bills paid. Or, how she has follow-up tasks for a legal challenge that she’s got going on. And so she needs to put an appointment on the calendar every week for making calls or following up until progress is made.

Batch work can occasionally offer synergies or economies of scale. Meaning, when we group the tasks together, they end up taking far less time than they would if we did each separately. For example, reviewing the legal papers and making one call to the attorney and asking multiple questions at once saves time and money.

Having these tasks, or similar tasks, is inevitable. How do we do them better? How do we do them with less stress? How do we do it so we’re not depleted at the end? How do we set ourselves up to succeed?

Because, let’s face it, it’s possible that we switch tasks so often in a work session that we never actually accomplish or complete anything! We feel like we’re working like crazy, but nothing ever actually gets done.

Done. Done! Yeah for Done! If we are working towards Done, or Accomplished or Completed, let’s think in batches. We can do things so they’re actually all the way to done.

Conversely, we can also do batches of work in an assigned time and say, that’s good enough. We can get as done as we can for today and then move on to a different type of task. For example, I don’t get to sit and do 12 hours of money and bill paying in a day. It doesn’t usually work that way.

What is more useful to me instead is doing a batch of home maintenance tasks in the morning, like starting laundry and the dishwasher, after a batch of personal hygiene tasks like taking a shower and brushing my teeth.

I may remember, while showering, that I need to pay a bill but I will not be writing checks while I’m in the shower. We can see that is silly, but we absolutely try to do those kinds of things at the same time. So let’s not do that. Let’s do one thing, or one type of batch of things until they are done right.

The personal hygiene tasks, then I am done and ready to move on.

Then house tasks and then I am done. Then a handful of kitchen tasks like make my coffee, take my vitamins and pack my lunch. Those are all batches, and they’re obvious, so lets look at the rest of our tasks in batches as well.

Instead of switch tasking and asking more of my brain than I need to, than you need to, we can put those different tasks that we need to accomplish together in batches and just think bill paying tasks or money tasks or house management tasks.

In my company, I have four different focus areas or income streams. I will batch all my speaking engagement tasks together – following up on upcoming presentations, printing copies of my handouts, sending invoices. Then, with my calendar on my screen, I’ll batch client scheduling tasks and emails. Then I might shift to writing and content creation tasks, whatever those look like. But instead of having to switch back and forth and manage my focus like that, I can do all of those different things in a batch. I don’t have to keep switching my focus and my energy. I can save that for other things later in the day, or I can just do them with more ease. That works both ways. And I’m more likely to actually get things done with a lot less stress. And isn’t that what we’re working towards? I know it’s what I’m working towards.

Let’s recap:

Multitasking is a myth. Sorry.

Switch tasking is real and doable and can be useful, but may also use up our focus and energy and other resources faster than regular work.

If you’re tired of switch tasking and / or want to give another strategy a try, experiment with Batch work to work with your brain and help you get more done with less hassle.

Give it a try!

Advice For Life’s Next Chapter

Did you know? I have the honor and responsibility of being an elected official as a member of our local Board of Education. Evergreen Park Elementary School District 124, to be specific.

I do consider it both an honor and a responsibility. It is a decision that we make, to pursue and support education, to serve our communities. And I love it. And some day, I don’t. Most days I do.

I love that I get to serve and support 1800+ students and 300+ staff members. I get to help make our community stronger. Yes, it’s cool. I occasionally get to do cool things. And, sometimes I have to do really hard things, and sometimes I have to do things that are not cool. And all of that is ok, because, again, it is a decision we make to serve and I don’t take that lightly.

Today, though, I want to talk about a cool thing. One of the perks.

Every year, the Board Of Education members, as we distribute diplomas, shake the hands of and look in the eyes and smile at our 8th grade Central Middle School graduates as they finish their time in Evergreen Park Elementary School District 124, and move on to high school and the next stages of their lives. And it’s awesome. And for the last few years, as President, I also get to give a speech.

I get to address the families and our staff that are there, and I get this one last opportunity to speak to our students. I spend a lot of time considering what message I want to deliver to the students.

I try to write words that I hope the students remember, and, well, if they don’t, it’s recorded so they can go back and listen to it again on YouTube if they want. But as any good speaker knows, the words I say are not about me as the speaker, they are about the audience, our students. What do I hope they take with them when they go?

And, as I wrote this intro for today’s content, I am thinking ahead because I have an opportunity to address our staff before the first day of school in a few weeks. I’m already considering what exactly do I want our staff members to take with them that day, too. What do they need to hear and know as they start the school year? I want them to know how much I appreciate them, how much the BOE appreciates them, how truly amazing they are in guiding our most precious commodity, our students. And that I really do believe we have just the best staff. So I will be telling them that in five minutes or less, in a few weeks.

As I wrote the words for our students, it made my heart happy that I had one last chance to speak to them all before we parted ways. And for us today, I thought it might be fitting as we all shift into August, and perhaps are sending students back to school or we might be adjusting our schedule and thinking our next big thoughts, maybe these words are for you, too.

Good evening.

It is my absolute honor and privilege to have a few moments to address the central middle school class of 2024 this evening.

I want to say “Thank You” to all of you here for coming.  And not just coming to this graduation ceremony.  

I know all that goes in to getting to this point. 

Thank you to our teachers and staff who have instructed and guided our kids along the way. 

These students have benefited immeasurably from these dedicated, passionate educators.  

I thank every one of you for your service.  

These educators arrive early, stay late, they’re in the classrooms and hallways, at extra events on evenings and weekends, they are always available via email.  Trust me, I know. 

And they truly have our student’s best interests in mind.  We are so fortunate, and I am so grateful.

Thank you, parents.  And grandparents and aunts and uncles and all those folks who also show up. 

Every day. 

I’m not even going to finish the equation, of number of mornings multiplied by number of school years so far!  Backpacks packed, homework, gym uniforms, sport uniforms, band instruments, car pools, field trips, forms completed.  Then there are the games and concerts and events that we are seriously SO happy to attend.  Thank you, parents and loved ones.

Students – yes, tonight is about you, but some time this evening, Please stop and look your parents and grandparents and significant adults in the eyes and thank them for helping you get to this occasion.  They love you so much, trust me.

Now, I would like to address our graduates.

  • Every person here this evening is here because of you.
  • We are reflecting on where you have been, celebrating with you for where you are, and dreaming big with you for where you are going.

Students, I have four things to ask of you this evening.  

First, Do the right thing, even when no one is watching.  

Don’t bother with easy, or just skating by, because you think no one will notice.  YOU will notice.  

And once you know you can count on yourself to do the right thing, your confidence and capacity for doing the right thing will grow.  

Perhaps you’ll find yourself in a situation and you’re not sure what the right thing to do is?  Go with kindness.  Justice.  Fairness.  Thinking and thoughtfulness.  Those are always going to be the right thing.  And The Right thing might not be what everyone else is doing, but that’s ok, they are just waiting for you to set an example.

Second, Find your people.  

Look around, and see the people that are doing what you want to do, what you aspire to do.

Surround yourself with good people who will lift you up, build you up.  

Who aren’t about drama, who are also the ones doing the right thing even when no one is looking.

Find and appreciate those people, and more importantly, strive to be that best person for others.    

Next, Embrace the small and powerful word – Yet.

Three small letters, y e t.

Yet.

We may think we need to have everything figured out.  And we will.  That day will come.  But it might not be here Yet.  And that’s ok. Open your mind and your heart, and be kind to yourself as you figure things out.

Finally, Start and end with gratitude.  

Be grateful for your natural born talents and your diligently honed skills.  

Be grateful for your family who loves you, for the education you are working for, for your friends and our community.  

Imagine, remembering just one thing you’re grateful for as you start and finish your day every day. 

Imagine how great that would feel, and how much that small habit would positively impact your life.  

To Recap:

Do the Right Thing.  

Find Your People.

Embrace Yet.

And Start and End with Gratitude

I’m going to take my own advice here, and end by saying thank you, Central Middle School class of 2024. I can’t wait to see what each of you will continue to achieve in big and small ways, in the years to come.  Congratulations and Well Done!

Hope In Normalizing: “I Can Do This, Too”

This week, I want to introduce an idea called Normalizing, and why I think it is a useful and hopeful idea.

I was talking to a friend recently about a health challenge she is facing.

She was saying that we can believe we are all alone in what we are suffering with because we’ve never really talked about it with anyone.  However, when you start talking to people about your health issue, suddenly you find out that the problem is common, that many people have the same problem, or at least know somebody with the problem.

Ummm… let’s say gallbladder issues.  (And no, I do not have gallbladder issues, and neither does she, I’m just using this as an example).

Imagine: I’m feeling fine, and then one day, I’m not feeling so fine.  I muddle through for a few weeks or even months, with flare-ups and the like, getting better between and then another flare up happens. I finally go to the doctor. They run their tests, give me a diagnosis, share some strategies with me and also schedule a surgery because the gallbladder has to be removed.

Now that I know more and need to make plans, I mention my health challenge at work (because I need time off), or I bring it up with friends or family or the lady at the grocery store because now that I have a diagnosis and a plan, I feel more comfortable talking about it…

And when I bring it up, I find out that EVERYONE has had this problem, or knows someone who has had this problem.

You know the stories you hear, “my husband / wife / parent / child / coworker / friend / sibling has or had this problem”. We all may want to feel special and unique, but probably not when it comes to our gallbladder!

Hearing the stories about how what we thought was one-of-a-kind really isn’t… that is not a bad thing. I actually consider it kind of a good thing.  It feels hopeful to me.

In coaching, we talk about normalizing. Per Dictionary.com, Normalizing may mean “to cause (something previously considered abnormal or unacceptable) to be treated as normal”. 

This can be negative like when we learn to tolerate something that might be negative so that it becomes our new normal.  But it can also be a positive thing, when we expand our understanding of what can be typical and normal, so we no longer feel shame or worry about an issue or circumstance.

As in, when you find out that this issue that you’re having that is probably really rocking your world if you are in the middle of it and things are sore or are uncomfortable is actually 100% survivable.  And do-able.

Like when you’ve got something medical going on and all you seem to do is go to doctor’s appointments and do follow-up and it feels like a full-time job. And it’s really impacting your life and you feel frustrated. You feel like you’re alone in this. Like no one is going to understand. 

And yet, they will.

We can’t necessarily see our way through this situation because we have never been in it before.  We don’t know how long it will take, or when we may start to feel better.  But… other people know.  Other people have faced it and have come out the other side.

So we normalize. We normalize because sometimes we need to hear that we are not alone in whatever it is we’re going through. Sometimes we need to feel like we’re not alone AND that someone else in a similar situation has figured it out.

They have figured it out. And therefore, so can I.

If somebody else has figured all this out, I can too. And there is hope. There is hope in that. I can, too.

Let’s switch it up, I will use Blackberry Jam as an analogy.

Last year I learned how to make and can jam. Like preserves, hot water bath, mason jars, shelf stable, etc.

I had promised a loved one that I would find someone to make jam for an event, and I did not find a jam maker so I became the jam maker.   Here’s the thing.  I knew that I could.  I had a working knowledge of what was involved. And we have YouTube and websites and books, plus there is Amazon.com for ordering the tools.  It’s all there.  It’s all learnable. It’s all there. I knew I could do it.

I like to think I am pretty smart, and I am definitely curious and open to learning.  And hey, people living hundreds of years ago with none of the resources I have now figured it out.  I can do this.  And I did. And it was good!

Now I know how to make jam and also preserve it.  I’m pretty sure I still have some in my cabinet from last Fall. I still have all the tools and the know-how, to do it again. We can call that normalized.

Sometimes, my coaching clients or myself or any one of us, really, can think that the situation that we find ourselves in at this moment is so singular that no one has ever figured out what to do about it. And therefore, we can’t even hope to make things better.

And that’s not true.  I’m here to tell you that’s not true because I guarantee you there have been similar situations where people have figured things out and have come through on the other side just fine.

I consider normalizing to be optimistic. I consider normalizing, when done right, to be hopeful. When we are in the midst of something that we don’t know how to figure out, it’s hopeful to know that someone else figured it out. You are most likely able, you’re going to be able to figure it out as well.  And next time, you can be the resource for somebody.

We have more resources right now than we ever had ever in history to figure things out, ever. You have more resources now than anyone has ever had before. Whoa.

But it’s true. We have more knowledge now than anyone has ever had before. How hopeful and optimistic is that?! It’s awesome. And, if you want to figure things out for yourself, I am here to help. 

“My Tree Has Leaves!” What Do You Need, To Thrive?

“My tree has leaves!”

I stood in my dining room this morning and exclaimed this excitedly out loud to absolutely no one.

I was drinking my coffee and gazing out my newly washed (over the weekend) front windows and admiring the sunshine and realized my new little tree has leaves! This is noteworthy, trust me.

You see, we had a tree in front of our house for many years. He was so beautiful in the Fall that people would stop and ask if they could pick up some of his leaves because they were so brilliantly colored.

And then, after one of those years with blight or borers, he wasn’t doing so well. We did what we could to help him out for a few years, fertilizer and extra water, etc., but his days were numbered, and eventually our village’s arborist said the tree needed to go before the tree hurt someone or someone’s car if he fell over, or infected other trees.

So we had the tree cut down. We liked having a tree in the front yard, though, so the next Spring we had another tree planted. This new tree had two seasons to thrive, but he never did. The second season, I think he had one leaf. Just one. Sadly, he, too, had to go.

We were assured that our yard and the placement and the type of tree were not the problems, that more likely that particular sapling wasn’t healthy. Fast forward to last Fall when we had another tree installed. Hope springs eternal, right? And since he was installed in the Fall after leaves fell, we had no way of knowing if he was healthy or not. But he is! And now that Spring is here, he has leaves! Now you know why I was rejoicing!

I heard a statement many months ago and it has stuck with me. It was a Facebook reel or tik-tok, and I don’t remember who said it, so if you know and can tell me, I will cite it appropriately. Here’s the quote – “Seeds aren’t lazy and neither are you.”

Meaning, if a seed doesn’t grow, we don’t say the seed is lazy. No one tells the seeds they are lazy. And if you aren’t flourishing, it’s probably not because you’re lazy. Seeds aren’t lazy and neither are you.

What is more likely is that the seed and you don’t have what is needed to thrive.

Like my original tree or my first little sapling. After my original tree was weakened, we tried to support him but he was too far gone. And my first little sapling – well, I have no idea why he didn’t thrive but we were assured that the environment we provided would support a sapling, just not that one apparently.

We can ask what a tree needs – a hospitable environment, the right climate, sunshine, water, opportunity. And patience. And then we step back and let it grow.

Sometimes, a plant can receive too much care. Yes, that is a possibility. Metaphorically and actually.

A couple summers ago, I had what I thought were fruit flies. Except – we don’t leave fruit or any other food out on the counter. And the fruit fly solutions according to the internet, like vinegar and dish soap in a jar or the cool ultraviolet fan thing I bought on Amazon, did not work. And the fruit flies were on my houseplants. So after a little more googling, I determined that the reason the anti-fruit fly solutions weren’t working was because what I thought were fruit flies were fungus gnats. Which I feel sound monumentally more disgusting. But, I digress.

The solution to the fungus gnats, by the way, was to water my plants less and also use a peppermint spray from Amazon that cleared up the gnats in a week. It turns out, you CAN care too much. I was apparently overwatering. I cared a little too much.

Taking the metaphorical leap, often we need to adjust our supports or environment to help us grow. Sometimes we don’t have what we need to thrive, either not enough or too much! And sometimes we just aren’t in the right situation.

Awareness. Awareness. Awareness.

For us to flourish, we may need to take a moment or some time to review where we are, what we need, what we don’t need, and how we will know we are flourishing. But what do we do with that statement? I always want to recommend actionable steps that we can apply this week, or whatever week you are listening to this episode!

Sticking with the plant theme, I will share that I am a joyous but indifferent gardener. I love to plant veggies and herbs and to care for them outside in the summer. I like the “getting my hands in the dirt” and “puttering in the garden” parts of gardening, they are fun and relaxing to me. I also love the “using fresh veggies and herbs from the garden in my cooking” part, I find that fun, too, and it supports my desire to eat healthy and well.

It seems that in my garden and in life, we can walk through the process for a better yield, whether that is tomatoes or priorities or productivity or whatever it is we’re looking to improve! And as I write this article, I realized that last week’s PACT goals article could have been all about gardening, too – the process and not a once-and-done event!

To review, PACT goals stand for: Purpose; Action; Continuous; and Trackable.

Let’s start with our Purpose. For example, I can say “I want to be a better gardener.” And in this example, “better” means more yield per plants.

Next, I need to determine my Actions. I can educate myself by talking to other gardeners (who actually know what they are doing!), reading books or reading up on-line. Once I know more, I could choose to plant dozens of types of vegetables this summer and hope that some of them work out. OR, I could narrow in on fewer types of vegetables and get better at those specifically. Given my small back yard, I will choose to focus on a few types of vegetables and get better at those specifically. For example, I love growing (and eating!) tomatoes but my plants didn’t produce much of anything last year. So I need to learn and take new actions!

Once I know more, I can decide and then act to water more often or less, provide more sun or less, more or less pruning, etc. I can pay attention to what other inputs or supports I can use to improve my outputs. I always use physical supports like a tomato cage, because sometimes we all need more support!

Continuous care is required for plant success. Once I know what actions to take, I need to be consistent with taking them! I will add morning gardening into my summer morning routine, to water and tend. And I will be ready to observe and adjust my regular activities, too, based on progress. And I can track the progress, like plant height, growth, number of flowers (that will turn into tomatoes later), and yield at the end of the season, to learn from the process.

Well-intentioned care, not too much and not too little, and a supportive environment will help my little sapling and my garden grow this summer. Goal setting, and PACT goals specifically, can help us flourish by determining the right supports for us and what we want to achieve, the routine and habits around implementing those supports, and how to make adjustments to be successful.

I took a walk last evening, and I noticed the two trees in front of a neighbors house have the same red-brown leaves my little leafy sapling has (I believe he is a maple). These two trees tall and full and gracious, sharing their shade and beauty with the neighborhood. That is what I want for my little tree and, metaphorically, what I want for you as well. Have a great week!

October is ADHD Awareness Month: More Than Just Awareness

October is ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) Awareness Month.

Last week, I spoke with one of my accountability partners, Laine.  Laine is the ADHD Coach that I want to be when I grow up. She’s amazing. If you’d like to know more, check out her website at http://thinkinganddoingskillscenter.com/.  She is always looking to reach and positively impact more students and adults with her coaching. 

On our accountability call, we discussed that this is the time of year when mid-quarter progress reports go home, and for many students, we find out that they are struggling with their grades and workload.

Perhaps a student hasn’t been diagnosed but the teacher or school administrator may start the conversation regarding testing and diagnosis. 

OR perhaps a student is diagnosed with ADHD but they haven’t necessarily found the strategies or skills, or aren’t using them, or need to explore more to help them do as well as they could in school.

Laine and took a moment to share our own stories about our experiences with ADHD for either ourselves or loved ones.  And I realized that I don’t tell ADHD stories, and that’s a disservice to you and to me and anybody who has ADHD.

Today, I want to talk about what ADHD is and what it looks like in ourselves and the people around us. We will increase awareness around ADHD and some symptoms that go along with it, and mention the strategies and skills that can be used to improve the lives of EVERYONE, including folks with ADHD. 

See what I did there?  I reminded all of us that the strategies that help folks with ADHD to manage their neurodiversity are the same strategies that can help us all on any given day.

To get us started, I want to share a conversation I had recently with a friend about her grown child with ADHD.  And keep in mind – we are not doing an in-depth study of ADHD today, because that would be impossible in one day. 

Today, we are increasing awareness!

This grown child, this young adult, is doing great, professionally speaking. They recently graduated from college, they have a new job in their field of study, they’re really excited about it, they’re just doing great.

But this young adult struggles beyond that.  In addition to a new job, they also have a new living arrangement in this new stage of life. And they are really struggling with all the change, the expectation to set up a home and to manage themselves. 

Of course I can’t coach a person who’s not there, that’s not how that works.  But I can increase awareness with this young adult’s loved one who is trying to understand where their young adult is coming from, and how to help.  And I respect that.  We can all start by recognizing there is more going on with every person than we may be aware of.

First, I asked “is the young adult diagnosed or not?”, and the answer was yes. Next, I asked if they received counseling or therapy specifically around their ADHD and where they may struggle, and the answer was no.

So this friend and I simply worked on ADHD Awareness together.

First, I want you to click over to and read an article I wrote for the basics, ADHD Awareness Month, For Yourself and for Others.

It’s not necessarily that people with ADHD have symptoms that are completely different than anybody else in a busy time of life or any other time. What makes it troublesome and what leads many of us to either get tested or get our loved ones tested for ADHD or other neuro-diversities is if the struggles happen more than occasionally, or are negatively impacting a person’s life. And by life I mean relationships, how they succeed or excel in school or professionally, or in whatever it is that they’re trying to achieve.

So we all have challenges some days with achievement or focus or productivity or motivation, but it’s when those challenges negatively impacts life for a certain amount of time, those are the red flags that say, okay, there’s more going on here, and we need to ask if perhaps this person is neurodivergent. Again, many of us display these characteristics. It’s the severity and the comorbidities, like folks with ADHD also suffering from higher rates of anxiety or depression, that make ADHD troublesome.

Back to my friend and her young adult.

For this friend and her grown child, we discussed that this young adult is able to excel at work but their home life and relationships suffer, and they are exhausted all the time.  I mentioned that, whereas I might have a busy day at work and I need to come home and take a half hour to shift gears and decompress before staring my next activity, someone with ADHD has worked much harder to be productive at work and to manage their challenges and may need much more time to regroup.

Let’s understand Masking.

People with ADHD and other people as well learn to cover up what may be considered culturally undesirable behaviors.  So little ones learn to not blurt out answers in the classroom or hop out of their seats when their energy tells them otherwise.  And they learn to manage and mask, but it also takes effort to NOT act this way.

Let’s understand, too, a different type of masking:

Children with ADHD are often not diagnosed until they reach transitions like elementary school to middle school, or middle school to high school, or even high school to college.  Strong and supportive parenting and learning environments are AWESOME but occasionally ADHD goes undiagnosed until a student reaches the point when their external coping supports (parents and teachers) no longer make up for the challenges from their ADHD.

Let’s understand Hyperfocus

Another characteristic of ADHD is Hyperfocus. ADHD is often misunderstood and underdiagnosed because people with ADHD may be able to hyper-focus on something that is interesting to them.  This is why ADHD is not a full enough name, because “Attention Deficit” is not always true.

And, for many people with ADHD, they are paying Attention to EVERYTHING. Did you know? When a person with ADHD looks like they’re not paying attention, it’s actually very likely that they are paying attention to absolutely everything in the room.  If they’re listening to their teacher talk about math or to a friend tell a story, or they’re trying to focus on the email in front of them, they are also hearing every background sound there is.

They are noticing how their clothing feels at every point that it touches their body.

They are noticing the temperature of the air around them, and the smell of the space.

They are noticing everything. Any pains that might be in their body. They notice it all. It’s not that they’re not paying attention. Attention deficit is actually a misnomer in some ways, because they’re processing input from everything.

And so what may look like inattentiveness is actually the fact that they are processing everything all the time. And they might not even know what’s happening. And where you think that it is a character flaw, defiance or something else, it might very well be that they have so many different signals coming in at any given point that they’re just taking a bit of time to process.

And again, that’s not necessarily specific to ADHD, but it is a common trait of somebody with ADHD.

Let’s Also understand Bandwidth, or spoons.

All of us have a certain amount of energy and focus and motivation to get things done every day.  And once those commodities are used up for the day, it’s time for rest.    Some people call these units of measure spoons.  So each of us starts with a certain number of spoons to use throughout the day. 

With me so far?

All of us consume the spoons.  And if we’re sick or sad, we may have fewer spoons than normal.  And some days we have to do hard things, which uses up our spoons faster.

A person with ADHD may have the same amount spoons as you and me when they start their day.  But they may use them faster than we do because they have to make themselves focus and motivate and get things done in  a certain way that isn’t how their brain is wired to work.

Now, let’s talk about recovery.

Just as a neurotypical person needs to rest and re-fuel to face another day, so does, of course, a person with ADHD.  But it may take longer. In addition to using spoons faster than others, a person with ADHD may take longer to replace the spoons.  Even a person with ADHD who is managing themselves well and getting the support they need knows that they MUST employ strategies and skills to rest and replenish.  And we have to respect that.

Somebody with ADHD, because they have been dealing with all of these external stimuli for so long, can absolutely maintain for a bit, and then they’re exhausted. And what takes you and I perhaps an hour or two, or a good night’s sleep, to recuperate from could take them days.

And I think where all of this is leading me to is right here:

Your awareness of ADHD or now doesn’t validate or invalidate a friend or loved one with ADHD.  Yes, there are people out there who believe ADHD doesn’t exist.

But today I want to increase awareness.  I want to show all of us that we all struggle sometimes.  People with ADHD and people without ADHD.

As I started this topic today, I mentioned that we don’t know where people are coming from. But now we know  more.  We know better.  And I was quoted back to myself last week, apparently I often say “when we know better we must do better” (I will credit this to Maya Angelou). 

No one is broken and no one needs fixed.  We just need to understand more about others, be aware there is more happening than we know and be ready to support others by educating ourselves.  More than 10% of the population has ADHD, whether you or they have been diagnosed or not.  You may have ADHD, and I guarantee you know people with ADHD.  Some who struggle and some who manage well.

We need to understand that it’s happening, and support ourselves and others with understanding, communication and education.

There are resources out there to help. Coaching, counseling, therapy. 

CHADD, https://chadd.org/, Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD)

ADD.org, Attention Deficit Disorder Association

There are tools to help individuals manage their ADHD and to support the folks who support people with ADHD. The best indicator for success is for everyone to understand ADHD Better. 

Put Things AWAY! Before procrastination makes us stumble!

I have spent time, in podcasts and articles and newsletters, this year talking about how much easier life is when we leave a few bags packed.

Those bags included, for example, my bag of chargers, my toiletry bag and my go-bag for work. It’s great to have those things ready to grab and go, knowing that they and you are ready for everything.

I love that.

However, I want to take a step back on the “You Are Ready” part. And recognize that while there are some bags that need to stay packed, there are more that should NOT stay packed.

Over the summer, I’ve shared photos or videos on my social media platforms that “That It’s a five bag day or even a six bag day.” I think 6 was the most, thank goodness!

And let me explain: There are many days in my life that require more than one bag. The number of bags on those days were a measure of the complexity of my calendar! As in, one post shared: “Today is a 5 Bag Day – I have a client in the morning, then a presentation in the afternoon, and then I go straight to a school board meeting or a choir rehearsal!”

  • Which means, as I leave my house that morning, I had 5 or 6 bags:
    • The first is my everyday bag (mine’s a backpack);
    • Next, I have my go-bag that I take with me every work day with extra chargers, a change of clothes since occasionally organizing is dirty work, a car snack, a rain coat etc.. That bag is always packed, and is sitting near the back door right now.
    • I also had my cooler lunch bag, since I pack my lunch to save time and money, and to eat healthy.
    • That day I needed a bag with my clothes to change into, from organizing clothes into snazzier presentation clothes;
    • And then the bag with my laptop and content of my presentation, and in this case, also, my bag for board work too.
    • Whew! That’s a lot of stuff! (At one of those summer presentations, a participant suggested I just need to carry one really big bag to hold everything I needed for that day. But he realized as soon as he suggested just one bag that the one bag would have to be huge and very heavy to make that work!)

I recently ran into a friend who mentioned that she loved the Many Bag Day posts because we all feel like that some days, with our variety of roles and responsibilities that we hold. And when this friend mentioned that she loves this idea and it really resonated with her, I said, “I need to do a part two that reminds us all that we also have to unpack the bags at the end of the day!”

And that’s where we’re headed today. The unpacking. Which is literal unpacking, but also a analogy for completion.

Let me explain: I started out talking about how a few bags need to stay packed, but that most don’t. And I mean, seriously, at the end of the day, most bags need unpacked. Now, ok, maybe it’s the next morning. So I’ll give you 24 hours. I guess I don’t really want to, but I get it. But for the most part, all of those bags, once I’m completed with doing all those things, they all come home and the stuff comes back out of the bag.

Because “In the bag” is not where that stuff lives. It should live AWAY. “In a bag” is not away. And we need to put our things away.

  • We need to put our things away because it is likely we have to pack another bag the next day or the day after, with other things in it for that day’s responsibilities.
  • This is assuming a finite amount of things. A finite amount of bags, a finite amount of clothes for presentations. There should be limits.
  • And I also put those things together in different combinations from day to day because as it should be. That makes sense. But the point is, yes, it could be a six bag day, but then I’m going to come home and I’m going to unpack the lunch bag, because day old lunch remains in a cooler bag are disgusting.
  • Or, I’m going to unpack the clothes I wear for work or for my presentation. Those need to go in the hamper, get washed and put back into rotation. A client mentioned their child’s soccer bag – and ALL of that stuff needs washed regularly!
  • My board of education work comes out of the bag because I need to take care of tasks, and I also need to put the binder away after I pulled out the tasks that I need to complete.
  • A truly successful day for me, means that at the end of the day, I’ve completed all my things that I wanted to complete while serving others.

And part of that process, and the signal that everyone is done, is that all of those bags have come back in the house, been emptied completely, and are away, as are their contents.

So, full bags, partial bags, bags when we don’t know what’s in them? What does this have to do with procrastination? Here’s is where I want to shift to thinking about the analogy of the bags.

Let’s think about what I’ve said for the last few minutes in terms of activation and completion.

  • I started my day. I planned to go places and do things.
  • I packed stuff to go with me to do the things, so that I have the tools and accessories to do the things.
  • I successfully did the things. Yeah!
  • I came home, and now I am finishing the things.
  • Wow. Yes. Finishing.

Because finishing is a tough one for some of us. We’re not always so good at that.

Sometimes we procrastinate on starting, and other times we procrastinate on finishing.

So, good for us, we start the work, awesome.

Also yeah us, we did the work. We persevered and completed the work awesome.

But now we need to finish. And for me, as the example, finishing means unpacking the bag, putting all the stuff away.

Completed work is great, but the job is not done till it’s all away. When we shift our thinking to encompass the steps around completion, we set ourselves up to succeed next time.

I made jam a couple of weeks ago and that was great. I learned how to make jam! I am proud of the new skills I acquired. And it’s Delicious! But the work wasn’t totally done until the pot was actually washed and away, right? Jam made AND All the Stuff AWAY was really the finish line.

Completion. The work is done. But completion means work is done and tools are put away. Sometimes we procrastinate on the done part. As in, “Great, I did the work. But now here it all sits.” We can revel when the work is complete. But if , in my case, there are still packed bags by my back door, I’m not actually done.

I have clients who get 85%, or 90 or 90% done on a project. And then they drop the ball on the last 5%. And that is where mental and physical clutter comes in, and negative self talk.

For me, that last 5% is the WooHoo! moment. Don’t deprive yourself of the woohoo moment! The woohoo moment of “I did it!”. The woohoo moment is where it’s at!

Back to the bag idea. Let’s walk through the last 5%:

  • I can take a moment, with my bags around me in my office.
  • I can say – “Yes, I did it!” I served my client well this morning!
  • I ate a healthy lunch, took care of me and put a few snacks in there too.
  • I presented today, knocked that out of the park. Yay me. I love getting to meet people!
  • I safely drove everywhere I needed to go today. Thank you, Lord.
  • I ran a good board meeting and got my board work done.
  • AND NOW, actually and also metaphorically, I’m going to unpack it all and put it all away.

My suggestion this week, after you ponder the actual bags and also the other areas of your life where the bag idea applies, is to craft a habit around leaving time at the end of your day to completely finish the work and unpack the bags. Or file the papers, or put away the large pot you used while canning jam.

I wrote this content first as my podcast content, so I wrote it the last week of September. And I know this is going to be a many bag week! The day this podcast airs and that the newsletter is sent will be just a few days after my oldest son gets married. I know it will have been a wonderful experience. And I also know that soon after all the events are enjoyed, I will take some time and unpack all the bags, real and metaphorical. And I will appreciate and revel in the wonderful completion. And then maybe take a nap.

Is It Really Procrastination? Or Are We Unknowing or Unable?

Perhaps you have noticed, or perhaps you haven’t: I don’t talk much about procrastination.

I think it’s time.

And that is funny, yes? That I’ve waited this long to talk about procrastination?

Yep, there’s that word. I don’t talk about it. Similar to my feelings that I shared in my article and podcast about Overwhelm, I feel the word Procrastination is overused and misunderstood.

Procrastination IS. That it exists is undeniable.  It is a feeling, a strategy, an occurrence. It’s a lot of things. It can be all of those things and more.

But I don’t talk about it because it’s also too easy. It is too easy to just wave off an occurrence of not getting something done and say, “Yes, I procrastinated.” It’s too easy, and it’s not helpful.

And that’s the bigger problem.  When it is used in conversation, the word Procrastination is not specific enough to actually help us figure out what the solution should be. We tend to only look at the symptom instead of digging deeper. 

Imagine: I have a stuffy nose. I can blow my nose, and that solves the current problem. But I get stuffy again.  Or blowing my nose DOESN’T solve the problem, and I’m still stuffy. Stuffy is a symptom, not the cause.  The cause may be allergies, a cold, the flu or something else.

Similarly, if we don’t look at WHY we’re procrastinating, or get specific around what exactly the problem is, we’re unlikely to make anything more than temporary progress. We need to get specific about procrastination, both the word and the event!

So, let’s get specific!

The definition of procrastination is “the action of delaying or postponing something:”, or to “willfully choose to NOT do something for absolutely no good reason”, or “to put off intentionally and habitually the doing of something that should be done”. Now, in truth, there are many people – all the time! – who willfully choose to not do something purely for the sake of not doing it.

So I’m not saying that it doesn’t exist, but I am saying that very often when we say, “Ugh, I need to stop procrastinating on this thing”, what we’re really saying is, I know that I need to do it and it’s important, but there’s still something stopping me from doing it. And so what could that be? Again, back to that overwhelm definition or that strategy when we were taking apart that word.

But today, we’re going to look at two reasons why we delay action that are mislabeled as procrastination. Sometimes we delay for no good reason, but sometimes we delay because we lack the know-how or the resources to get something done.

And this is going at be at least a 2 part series!

Let me share a few theories on why we procrastinate, or more specifically, why we call something procrastination, and it actually isn’t procrastination.

In my podcast and my writings, I have talked about essential structures in Coaching. They are Support, Self-knowledge, Action and Education.  And essential structures are the scaffolding. They’re the essential structures that are required for us to actually do things that need done. They are the things, the people, the habits, the knowledge that help us live what we consider successful lives. We have scaffolding, we have strategies that we can use to help us to live more successful lives.

And sometimes we don’t have those things that we need to take action on a task or a project. So we’re procrastinating on it because, for example, we lack the know-how to do something.

For example: I knew I wanted to formalize my business. But It took me months if not a year or two to determine if I needed my company structure to be a C Corp, an S Corp, or an LLC. I felt like I was procrastinating which is not comfortable for me! But in truth, I was thinking about it. I was researching my options, reading things online, working through worksheets. I did all the things, but I still lacked the knowledge to make the right decision. And even if I decided one way or the other, I lacked the legal expertise to actually set it up.

So it’s not that I wasn’t doing anything. I was taking steps, but they weren’t the right steps, because, honestly, that’s not my wheelhouse. Those are not my strengths. And thank goodness I figured that out.

I do not need to learn how to do it,  which is what I was unsuccessfully trying to do.

What I needed to do was find an expert and let them help me. So I called my attorney, Eileen, and said, “Hey, I’m trying to figure this out. You know me, you know my business. I want know formalize my business and register with the state, protect my name and my family’s assets, separating my company business from personal business.

She replied that I needed an LLC and that she could set that up for me. And every year, her office sends in my paperwork to the state to keep it current. It costs a certain amount, and I sign off on it every year, and then it was done. So that is an example of when what looks like procrastination was me not seeing the path forward until I called in an expert. Sometimes we lack the know how, and that’s okay.

Most importantly, being aware of what the real problem is can help us seek the right solution.

Another reaction of NOT DOING that we could call Procrastination may actually be a lack of resources.  Let’s define what a resource is. In this example, a resource is a commodity that we already possess. A resource is our own brain, our education, our experiences. It can be time, it can be money, it can be energy. When I talk about resources and productivity, those three – time, money and energy, are the three I talk about the most.

For example: For a very long time, I wanted to start a podcast. I was very excited at the prospect. I had it all thought out. I had reached out to and spoken with the expert in my community who had a successful podcast.  This expert became my producer Chris because he also hosts and produces podcasts for other people.

My brand community had asked me for a podcast. 

I am a pro at professional speaking and singing, so I’m comfortable behind a microphone.

Many people struggle with consistent content for a podcast, but I was already in the habit of producing content every week for my community, so that wasn’t a stretch.

I had a plan.  I had the know how. I had the supportive people around me, to help me with it, too.

But what I was worried about were resources. Finding the time to add another task, another responsibility to my already full to-do list. 

This was not news. I knew I wanted to start a podcast for years, but I did not have the time to add the podcast in while in the midst of everything else, working full time, managing a household, being present for my family, doing all the things that I needed to do.

Last Fall, my youngest left for college.  And if I haven’t mentioned lately, I adore my kids, my people.  They are the coolest humans on the planet. I do not begrudge one moment I have spent with them.

But I didn’t procrastinate on starting the podcast as much as I chose to not make it happen for a time.  As my responsibilities shifted, I launched my podcast in November of last year. 

Sure, I talked about it for a long time without acting.  At times, when I was frustrated with myself, I would accuse myself of procrastination. But honestly, I knew the opportunity was coming soon and I was waiting for the resource of time became available, and that is the answer. I wasn’t procrastinating as much as I was recognizing how I and the people around me needed to spend my resources.

And what is the awareness here?

Don’t use the term procrastination without digging deeper! Are you procrastinating around something because you don’t know HOW to do it?  Or you lack the resources to make it happen? Well then let’s call the problem what it really is – a lack of know how or resources, and then actively do something to remedy the problem!

Body Double: Prepositions and Productivity

Let’s talk Prepositions.

And Productivity.

Prepositions and Productivity.

Last night, I had an epiphany: I realized I should think of this week’s topic as a podcast first and THEN an article, and not the other way around, which would be my usual approach. However, sometimes things are just easier to say than they are to write.

For example, what I want to talk about this week is something called Body Doubling. Body Doubling is… well, it’s many things. It’s an awareness. It is a strategy. It is a tool to use for greater productivity, if and when you need it. And isn’t that the best sort of tool or strategy, the one you can use as needed? And it all starts with awareness.

Another term for Body Doubling is “Parallel Work”, and I really like that term as well. Let’s face it, the term “Body Doubling” sometimes sounds like we’re talking about space aliens in some b movie from the 80s.

Body Doubling is the phenomenon? idea? awareness? that sometimes we work better with others. We may work better with others even if we aren’t working on the same work. With others, among others, around others, beside others, by and near other people, and any other prepositions we can use!

We can be motivated, inspired, accountable and anchored to our work simply by the presence of another person or persons. We can model the productivity to others, or be modeled to, to get the work done. We don’t necessarily have to work with people on the the same project. We can each work independently on what we need to complete. But just being in the midst of other people working can help us to stay more focused on our own work.

I’ve noticed an increase lately of conversations and articles about body doubling, probably from a similar increase in remote working and more generally accepted conversations about neurodiversity, since body doubling is a strategy that can work for all people, and also people with ADHD and other neuro-diversities.

My youngest son is away at college. While he was home for break, I mentioned that I had to hop on a zoom call, that a group of us were working on our own projects but together so we’re more committed to getting things done.  He said, “Oh, body doubling”.  Like it was obvious. I love that this idea is readily discussed and is accessible to him.  Body doubling is not news. Obviously, people have been working together for better productivity for EVER. But the idea that this is actually a strategy that can be used as necessary might be news to you.

Let’s look at different instances when Body Doubling shows up.

  • Before I had a name for it, I recognized that sometimes my sons needed to work at the dining room table together with me or with each other to get their homework done. And sometimes they needed to work alone. And it was helpful to know we had a choice.
  • Just yesterday, body doubling occurred when my husband asked me if I wanted to take a walk. Did it occur to me to take a walk on my own? Maybe. But since we agreed to walk and discussed when and where to go, we were more likely to make it happen (and we did!).
  • Years ago, a client and friend said it would be enough for me to just come and sit and read in her living room while she organized, because having someone there with her helped her to focus on the projects.
  • A bookkeeper friend shares office space with a friend during tax season because she knows she is less likely to get distracted when she is working side by side with someone else working on taxes.
  • A friend struggled early in lockdown when his office went fully remote. He had been unaware of the boost to productivity he experienced working side by side with coworkers until that was gone and he struggled to stay motivated and get things done.
  • A friend realized that a partner and friend along for the ride would make a dreaded errand less dreadful. So she enlisted a friend to join her for the errand and they made an afternoon of it. And the errand was completed.
  • As an organizer, I have known about body doubling for years because it is a strategy that comes from working with a professional organizer. Making an appointment to organize makes organizing happen. I am not doing the work for my clients but WITH them, anchoring them to the space and to the work.

Now that we know that body doubling works, let’s look at how to work it into our productivity practices.

  • The First Step Is Always Awareness:
    • Identify that body doubling is a strategy, and realize that you might be a person who benefits from it!
  • How To Use the Tool:
    • Ask yourself, How Do You Do Your Best Work? Identify what types of work benefits from body doubling.
      • For example, for me, intense brain work tasks and final edits are best done alone, silent and with no distraction. But most other types of my work benefit from working alongside others. So I plan accordingly.
    • Enlist Aid:
      • When looking for a body double, find someone who matches or improves your energy. If you’re struggling to get things done, reach out to someone who is motivated and positive!
      • “Phone a friend” but be choosy about the friend! Phone a friend, but make sure that friend will be someone who is supportive of your productivity!
      • Everyone Can Win: Set up an arrangement, like you will body double with your friend for her organizing project this week, and she can come over and be your body double for your closet project next week!
    • Join a Group!
      • A client (a college professor) has been part of Writing Groups for years. Fellow academics get together regularly, either in-person or virtually, and dedicate time just for goal setting and writing.
      • I joined Momentum Sessions (https://focus-sessions.momentumdash.com) so I can hop into a focus group to get work done. Seeing other folks on the screen in our zoom room helps me to stay on track!
      • Join me for Finish Line Friday every Friday morning!
      • For another way to feel like you have a body-double, try https://coffitivity.com/
    • Start Your Own Group:
      • A friend started a morning walking group in her neighborhood, to help her friends (for sure!) but also to help herself commit to walking!
      • Start a group at work!
        • Most office environments are geared to parallel work, but you may want to discuss how to avoid disruptions if you start a group.
        • Set up boundaries for group work, for example, quiet or silence for part of the time, expectations from the different group members, length of time per session, etc.
    • Check out your usual haunts – do you find that you can be more productive at your local coffee shop, library, college campus, etc? Make an appointment with yourself to work from there!

Now that you know more about body doubling and how it works, it’s time to step back and look at your tasks and work for this week and strategize how to make body doubling work for you!

Distraction: The State of Being and The Thing That Distracts

February is National Time Management Month. My goal to dig deeper into Time Management strategies this month means I am also publishing all new content. Whew!

And that means that, even though I tend towards distractibility, I need to manage myself and my attention if I am going to continue to produce content and services efficiently in the time frame I intend for it.

Cue, today’s topic: Distraction. Reflecting on “Distraction”, I realize this is another instance of ‘Words Matter’. Distraction can be a state of being distracted, and also the thing that causes us to be distracted, that thing that prevents us from giving full attention to something else.

Distraction IRL (My own personal reflection today):

It is ironic to me that I was managing distractions as I wrote this article.

What I WANTED to focus on is writing the article. However, my attention was being pulled elsewhere. For example:

  • My morning had not gone as planned, not by a long shot.
  • My Monday morning to-do list was long (as always!) and ideas were popping like popcorn in my brain.
  • My first appointment for the day needed to be rescheduled as the fellow participant was feeling poorly.
  • My second appointment started late and therefore ended late as well.
  • A family member in another state was having a minor health issue RIGHT NOW that I hope stays minor and I was waiting for news.
  • My husband had a planned day off AND was sick, so worry for him is certainly a distraction.
  • My window was open as it is unseasonably pleasant here in Chicago this week (and I want fresh air to clear out the germs), and my neighborhood was bustling with activity.
  • And then, well, clients texting me and notifications on my computer screen and occasional phone calls, etc!

Oh.
My.
Goodness!

And I just wanted to finish this article, and do a good job on it, and then move on to the other 14 dozen things I need to do today and this week.

Ugh.

So, let’s pick this example of distraction apart, learn from it and use some tools to make it better! The question comes down to, How to manage distractions or at least get back on track more quickly when distractions happen?

  • First, we need to understand that distractions will occur. We will distracted sometimes! And that’s ok.
  • In addition to acknowledging that distractions occur, we need to actively plan for distractions.
  • And we need to get good about coming back to productivity from distraction.
    • To circumvent distraction at the root, it helps to know what is and is NOT important to us. Recently, I shared the idea of the Eisenhower Box in my newsletter and podcast to help us determine our high priority activities.
    • Relatedly, I have also recently discussed Knowing Our Focus Areas and sticking with them!
    • Routines and To-Do Lists
    • And obviously, when scheduling, we need to leave extra time to get things done on deadlines.
  • Look at your interactions with others, and ask: With what other people are you distractible?
    • For example, I am a verbal processor and I find that when I am with other verbal processors / extremely chatty people, I can easily get distracted.
    • And for a very long time, I believed distractions were just a part of parenting small children and to some extent, they are. But I don’t mind so much now, since what could be more important than focusing on our family? My family, my sons still win – meaning, I welcome distraction by them – even though they are grown, because they’re most important. And I can get back on track when the distraction has passed.
  • Look at other situations in your life and where you get distracted.
    • For example, we all may get distracted by external drama and the internal processing of it. Meaning, when things are going on in the world around me, even if I limit the external stimuli or reminders, my head and my heart still know and are still processing. This is good awareness to have if I find myself wandering off task.
  • In coaching terms, I have spent a lot of time working on self awareness around my own distraction this week! I thought perhaps I was distracted by visuals in my own home / office environment, as in emails, the little red circle on my phone screen, etc., but what is truly the root of that is the “notification” part of those visuals. The notification that someone might need me to respond quickly, or that I may need to do something to act on the notification. The perceived urgency and possible importance of the notification distracts me!
    • Wow. Mind blown by that one. The belief that I never have enough time to do what needs done and therefore the perceived need to multi-task to get it all done.
  • Understand your Learning Styles and Processing Modality.
    • The 4 most common Learning / Processing styles are auditory (hearing), verbal (speaking), visual (seeing), and kinesthetic (doing).
    • I am easily distracted by noise. AND I can use noise, like white noise or my calm app for the sound of ocean waves or forest rain to help me get back on track.
    • I am distracted visually by visual clutter or unexpected movement, AND I can use a calm visual or a mandala to help me refocus after being distracted.
    • So, what distracts you? And what can bring you back from distraction?
  • Knowing our Learning Styles can help us strategize reminders to bring us back from distraction. For example, I am more likely to respond to an auditory reminder. So I use timers and alarms ALL THE TIME to keep me on track. I use timers to remind me to do something (so actively distracting me from what is in front of me, on purpose!) but also as an opportunity to check in and make sure I haven’t gotten too far off track, and to recommit if I have!
  • What times of day are you more distractible? Personally, I am aware that I get fatigued late afternoon and again in the late evening, therefore my focus wanders and my productivity is more susceptible to being derailed by distractions. I can choose to group and complete several small and simple tasks during those times, or take extra breaks and head to bed as appropriate!

Like so many things in terms of Better Time Management, the challenge and even the solutions to the challenges all start with awareness. We need to be aware of distractions, so please ask yourself some of the questions I just posed! But also be aware of just how many tools and strategies there are to bring us back from distraction to focus and productivity!

The Word “Overwhelm” Is Not Specific Enough

Words matter. And there are so many possibilities! However,

In presentations, I used to say that “if I had a nickel for every time someone said to me ‘I’m so overwhelmed, I don’t know what to do!’, I would have a lot of nickels.” And I would.

But I am increasingly annoyed with the word “overwhelm”. Not with the people who say it, of course, but with the word itself. It’s too vague. The word has become so broad and ubiquitous, it has lost meaning. In addition, all of the ways the word is used have negative connotations. (And for the purpose of today’s article, we’re discussing “Overwhelm” as not a momentary panic but a longer term state of being.)

Google says overwhelm means “to bury or drown beneath a huge mass; to defeat completely; and to give too much of a thing to (someone); inundate.” Maybe it’s positive, like when we are overwhelmed with someone’s generosity or when our team victoriously overwhelms another team, but “overwhelmed” is overwhelmingly negative.

“Whelm” has somewhat negative connotations, too: “verb: engulf, submerge, or bury; or noun: an act or instance of flowing or heaping up abundantly; a surge.”

Ironically, even “Underwhelm”, the seeming opposite of “overwhelm”, still has negative connotations, “fail to impress or make a positive impact on (someone); disappoint.”

There is no middle ground.

In sharing this article idea with my accountability partner last week, she said “Using ‘overwhelm’ sets us up [in a negative] mindset”. It ends up being an excuse, a blanket statement, a catchall phrase. And with such subjective, negative, vague and undefined meaning, it’s often difficult to see a way out of the feeling.

Saying you’re “overwhelmed” can be a starting point, but it is NOT the answer to the problem. And while there is no judgement about saying we’re overwhelmed, it is not some place that we want to STAY!

In coaching, change and progress start with awareness. This week, let me propose that we work a little harder and come up with different words for our feelings of overwhelm so that we can start to make things better. When someone tells me they’re overwhelmed, I ask if we can explore that a bit and get more specific. For example, if you’re overwhelmed, you may be more specifically or also feeling:

  • confused,
  • overstimulated,
  • unclear,
  • discouraged,
  • frustrated,
  • despondent,
  • that’s there’s just too much to do (inundated),
  • unprepared,
  • vulnerable,
  • unsure,
  • overscheduled,
  • incompetent,
  • hopeless, or
  • helpless / powerless.

Consider, too, that you and I may feel multiple emotions, and even conflicting emotions concurrently. Of course we do, we are humans after all. We are fabulous and complex creatures, capable of feeling many emotions at the same time! We can feel both excited about a new work opportunity and also terrified of change! OR proud of the people our children have grown to be and also sad because we miss them!

(Or, as I read in a fellow bloggers post just this morning, “Sticking to your guns and compromise are not opposites. They’re both important tools. Both tools will need to be used on the path to your desired future. Sometimes at the same time.” (https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/tools-for-the-path-ahead))

You also may be feeling something REALLY STRONGLY, and the strength is what is engulfing you.

And, when we’re feeling overwhelmed, we may also or actually be tired, sad, ill, depressed, grieving, etc. And a situation that would not overwhelm us on any other day overwhelms us today. Just the other day, I spoke with a client who said she was feeling overwhelmed and then realized that “on any given day, [her] situation would not feel overwhelming but [she] hasn’t slept well the last few days and her emotional reserves for dealing with life are just low right now.”

So, let’s look at this.

There are so many more specific and therefore useful words out there! When we drill down and get more specific, then we can identity the actual problem and then start working on solutions. Because, with unspecific feelings or measures, how do you ever know when you’re done feeling overwhelmed? “Overwhelmed” needs a time limit!

Let’s move out of OverWhelm and on to something better!

Let’s get more specific about how and what we are feeling so we gain some insight in how to start to make life better. Ask yourself:

  • What does “Overwhelm” mean to you?
  • What else are you working on or dealing with right now?
  • Where do you feel “overwhelm”, and what does it feel like? What is your body telling you? (a great question from my coach Laine!)
  • For example, my stress and therefore my overwhelm shows up in my shoulders and in migraine headaches.
  • Are you struggling to take a deep breath? Are you tired before you even begin a task?
  • These are all questions that can help you gain insight into what you are really feeling.

And, most importantly, what tools are you using to handle the feelings of overwhelm?

  • First step is awareness. Take a few minutes and ask yourself those questions about what you’re really feeling!
  • What are some of our other available tools in the moment!
    • Call your therapist, your friend, your coach!
    • Meditate or do some deep breathing;
    • Take a “nature break” and take care of actual physical needs like hunger and thirst (my hiking guide Kevin used that term first and I kept it!);
    • On a larger scale, make sure you’re managing sleep, nutrition, exercise., etc.
    • Look outside of your own situation and do something kind for someone else.

Let’s dig a little deeper this week and get more specific with the root of our overwhelm. And empowered with that awareness, we can start to conquer those feeling and move toward something better!