Tag: Coaching

Distraction: The State of Being and The Thing That Distracts

February is National Time Management Month. My goal to dig deeper into Time Management strategies this month means I am also publishing all new content. Whew!

And that means that, even though I tend towards distractibility, I need to manage myself and my attention if I am going to continue to produce content and services efficiently in the time frame I intend for it.

Cue, today’s topic: Distraction. Reflecting on “Distraction”, I realize this is another instance of ‘Words Matter’. Distraction can be a state of being distracted, and also the thing that causes us to be distracted, that thing that prevents us from giving full attention to something else.

Distraction IRL (My own personal reflection today):

It is ironic to me that I was managing distractions as I wrote this article.

What I WANTED to focus on is writing the article. However, my attention was being pulled elsewhere. For example:

  • My morning had not gone as planned, not by a long shot.
  • My Monday morning to-do list was long (as always!) and ideas were popping like popcorn in my brain.
  • My first appointment for the day needed to be rescheduled as the fellow participant was feeling poorly.
  • My second appointment started late and therefore ended late as well.
  • A family member in another state was having a minor health issue RIGHT NOW that I hope stays minor and I was waiting for news.
  • My husband had a planned day off AND was sick, so worry for him is certainly a distraction.
  • My window was open as it is unseasonably pleasant here in Chicago this week (and I want fresh air to clear out the germs), and my neighborhood was bustling with activity.
  • And then, well, clients texting me and notifications on my computer screen and occasional phone calls, etc!

Oh.
My.
Goodness!

And I just wanted to finish this article, and do a good job on it, and then move on to the other 14 dozen things I need to do today and this week.

Ugh.

So, let’s pick this example of distraction apart, learn from it and use some tools to make it better! The question comes down to, How to manage distractions or at least get back on track more quickly when distractions happen?

  • First, we need to understand that distractions will occur. We will distracted sometimes! And that’s ok.
  • In addition to acknowledging that distractions occur, we need to actively plan for distractions.
  • And we need to get good about coming back to productivity from distraction.
    • To circumvent distraction at the root, it helps to know what is and is NOT important to us. Recently, I shared the idea of the Eisenhower Box in my newsletter and podcast to help us determine our high priority activities.
    • Relatedly, I have also recently discussed Knowing Our Focus Areas and sticking with them!
    • Routines and To-Do Lists
    • And obviously, when scheduling, we need to leave extra time to get things done on deadlines.
  • Look at your interactions with others, and ask: With what other people are you distractible?
    • For example, I am a verbal processor and I find that when I am with other verbal processors / extremely chatty people, I can easily get distracted.
    • And for a very long time, I believed distractions were just a part of parenting small children and to some extent, they are. But I don’t mind so much now, since what could be more important than focusing on our family? My family, my sons still win – meaning, I welcome distraction by them – even though they are grown, because they’re most important. And I can get back on track when the distraction has passed.
  • Look at other situations in your life and where you get distracted.
    • For example, we all may get distracted by external drama and the internal processing of it. Meaning, when things are going on in the world around me, even if I limit the external stimuli or reminders, my head and my heart still know and are still processing. This is good awareness to have if I find myself wandering off task.
  • In coaching terms, I have spent a lot of time working on self awareness around my own distraction this week! I thought perhaps I was distracted by visuals in my own home / office environment, as in emails, the little red circle on my phone screen, etc., but what is truly the root of that is the “notification” part of those visuals. The notification that someone might need me to respond quickly, or that I may need to do something to act on the notification. The perceived urgency and possible importance of the notification distracts me!
    • Wow. Mind blown by that one. The belief that I never have enough time to do what needs done and therefore the perceived need to multi-task to get it all done.
  • Understand your Learning Styles and Processing Modality.
    • The 4 most common Learning / Processing styles are auditory (hearing), verbal (speaking), visual (seeing), and kinesthetic (doing).
    • I am easily distracted by noise. AND I can use noise, like white noise or my calm app for the sound of ocean waves or forest rain to help me get back on track.
    • I am distracted visually by visual clutter or unexpected movement, AND I can use a calm visual or a mandala to help me refocus after being distracted.
    • So, what distracts you? And what can bring you back from distraction?
  • Knowing our Learning Styles can help us strategize reminders to bring us back from distraction. For example, I am more likely to respond to an auditory reminder. So I use timers and alarms ALL THE TIME to keep me on track. I use timers to remind me to do something (so actively distracting me from what is in front of me, on purpose!) but also as an opportunity to check in and make sure I haven’t gotten too far off track, and to recommit if I have!
  • What times of day are you more distractible? Personally, I am aware that I get fatigued late afternoon and again in the late evening, therefore my focus wanders and my productivity is more susceptible to being derailed by distractions. I can choose to group and complete several small and simple tasks during those times, or take extra breaks and head to bed as appropriate!

Like so many things in terms of Better Time Management, the challenge and even the solutions to the challenges all start with awareness. We need to be aware of distractions, so please ask yourself some of the questions I just posed! But also be aware of just how many tools and strategies there are to bring us back from distraction to focus and productivity!

The Word “Overwhelm” Is Not Specific Enough

Words matter. And there are so many possibilities! However,

In presentations, I used to say that “if I had a nickel for every time someone said to me ‘I’m so overwhelmed, I don’t know what to do!’, I would have a lot of nickels.” And I would.

But I am increasingly annoyed with the word “overwhelm”. Not with the people who say it, of course, but with the word itself. It’s too vague. The word has become so broad and ubiquitous, it has lost meaning. In addition, all of the ways the word is used have negative connotations. (And for the purpose of today’s article, we’re discussing “Overwhelm” as not a momentary panic but a longer term state of being.)

Google says overwhelm means “to bury or drown beneath a huge mass; to defeat completely; and to give too much of a thing to (someone); inundate.” Maybe it’s positive, like when we are overwhelmed with someone’s generosity or when our team victoriously overwhelms another team, but “overwhelmed” is overwhelmingly negative.

“Whelm” has somewhat negative connotations, too: “verb: engulf, submerge, or bury; or noun: an act or instance of flowing or heaping up abundantly; a surge.”

Ironically, even “Underwhelm”, the seeming opposite of “overwhelm”, still has negative connotations, “fail to impress or make a positive impact on (someone); disappoint.”

There is no middle ground.

In sharing this article idea with my accountability partner last week, she said “Using ‘overwhelm’ sets us up [in a negative] mindset”. It ends up being an excuse, a blanket statement, a catchall phrase. And with such subjective, negative, vague and undefined meaning, it’s often difficult to see a way out of the feeling.

Saying you’re “overwhelmed” can be a starting point, but it is NOT the answer to the problem. And while there is no judgement about saying we’re overwhelmed, it is not some place that we want to STAY!

In coaching, change and progress start with awareness. This week, let me propose that we work a little harder and come up with different words for our feelings of overwhelm so that we can start to make things better. When someone tells me they’re overwhelmed, I ask if we can explore that a bit and get more specific. For example, if you’re overwhelmed, you may be more specifically or also feeling:

  • confused,
  • overstimulated,
  • unclear,
  • discouraged,
  • frustrated,
  • despondent,
  • that’s there’s just too much to do (inundated),
  • unprepared,
  • vulnerable,
  • unsure,
  • overscheduled,
  • incompetent,
  • hopeless, or
  • helpless / powerless.

Consider, too, that you and I may feel multiple emotions, and even conflicting emotions concurrently. Of course we do, we are humans after all. We are fabulous and complex creatures, capable of feeling many emotions at the same time! We can feel both excited about a new work opportunity and also terrified of change! OR proud of the people our children have grown to be and also sad because we miss them!

(Or, as I read in a fellow bloggers post just this morning, “Sticking to your guns and compromise are not opposites. They’re both important tools. Both tools will need to be used on the path to your desired future. Sometimes at the same time.” (https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/tools-for-the-path-ahead))

You also may be feeling something REALLY STRONGLY, and the strength is what is engulfing you.

And, when we’re feeling overwhelmed, we may also or actually be tired, sad, ill, depressed, grieving, etc. And a situation that would not overwhelm us on any other day overwhelms us today. Just the other day, I spoke with a client who said she was feeling overwhelmed and then realized that “on any given day, [her] situation would not feel overwhelming but [she] hasn’t slept well the last few days and her emotional reserves for dealing with life are just low right now.”

So, let’s look at this.

There are so many more specific and therefore useful words out there! When we drill down and get more specific, then we can identity the actual problem and then start working on solutions. Because, with unspecific feelings or measures, how do you ever know when you’re done feeling overwhelmed? “Overwhelmed” needs a time limit!

Let’s move out of OverWhelm and on to something better!

Let’s get more specific about how and what we are feeling so we gain some insight in how to start to make life better. Ask yourself:

  • What does “Overwhelm” mean to you?
  • What else are you working on or dealing with right now?
  • Where do you feel “overwhelm”, and what does it feel like? What is your body telling you? (a great question from my coach Laine!)
  • For example, my stress and therefore my overwhelm shows up in my shoulders and in migraine headaches.
  • Are you struggling to take a deep breath? Are you tired before you even begin a task?
  • These are all questions that can help you gain insight into what you are really feeling.

And, most importantly, what tools are you using to handle the feelings of overwhelm?

  • First step is awareness. Take a few minutes and ask yourself those questions about what you’re really feeling!
  • What are some of our other available tools in the moment!
    • Call your therapist, your friend, your coach!
    • Meditate or do some deep breathing;
    • Take a “nature break” and take care of actual physical needs like hunger and thirst (my hiking guide Kevin used that term first and I kept it!);
    • On a larger scale, make sure you’re managing sleep, nutrition, exercise., etc.
    • Look outside of your own situation and do something kind for someone else.

Let’s dig a little deeper this week and get more specific with the root of our overwhelm. And empowered with that awareness, we can start to conquer those feeling and move toward something better!