Words matter. And there are so many possibilities! However,

In presentations, I used to say that “if I had a nickel for every time someone said to me ‘I’m so overwhelmed, I don’t know what to do!’, I would have a lot of nickels.” And I would.

But I am increasingly annoyed with the word “overwhelm”. Not with the people who say it, of course, but with the word itself. It’s too vague. The word has become so broad and ubiquitous, it has lost meaning. In addition, all of the ways the word is used have negative connotations. (And for the purpose of today’s article, we’re discussing “Overwhelm” as not a momentary panic but a longer term state of being.)

Google says overwhelm means “to bury or drown beneath a huge mass; to defeat completely; and to give too much of a thing to (someone); inundate.” Maybe it’s positive, like when we are overwhelmed with someone’s generosity or when our team victoriously overwhelms another team, but “overwhelmed” is overwhelmingly negative.

“Whelm” has somewhat negative connotations, too: “verb: engulf, submerge, or bury; or noun: an act or instance of flowing or heaping up abundantly; a surge.”

Ironically, even “Underwhelm”, the seeming opposite of “overwhelm”, still has negative connotations, “fail to impress or make a positive impact on (someone); disappoint.”

There is no middle ground.

In sharing this article idea with my accountability partner last week, she said “Using ‘overwhelm’ sets us up [in a negative] mindset”. It ends up being an excuse, a blanket statement, a catchall phrase. And with such subjective, negative, vague and undefined meaning, it’s often difficult to see a way out of the feeling.

Saying you’re “overwhelmed” can be a starting point, but it is NOT the answer to the problem. And while there is no judgement about saying we’re overwhelmed, it is not some place that we want to STAY!

In coaching, change and progress start with awareness. This week, let me propose that we work a little harder and come up with different words for our feelings of overwhelm so that we can start to make things better. When someone tells me they’re overwhelmed, I ask if we can explore that a bit and get more specific. For example, if you’re overwhelmed, you may be more specifically or also feeling:

• confused,
• overstimulated,
• unclear,
• discouraged,
• frustrated,
• despondent,
• that’s there’s just too much to do (inundated),
• unprepared,
• vulnerable,
• unsure,
• overscheduled,
• incompetent,
• hopeless, or
• helpless / powerless.

Consider, too, that you and I may feel multiple emotions, and even conflicting emotions concurrently. Of course we do, we are humans after all. We are fabulous and complex creatures, capable of feeling many emotions at the same time! We can feel both excited about a new work opportunity and also terrified of change! OR proud of the people our children have grown to be and also sad because we miss them!

(Or, as I read in a fellow bloggers post just this morning, “Sticking to your guns and compromise are not opposites. They’re both important tools. Both tools will need to be used on the path to your desired future. Sometimes at the same time.” (https://www.gabethebassplayer.com/blog/tools-for-the-path-ahead))

You also may be feeling something REALLY STRONGLY, and the strength is what is engulfing you.

And, when we’re feeling overwhelmed, we may also or actually be tired, sad, ill, depressed, grieving, etc. And a situation that would not overwhelm us on any other day overwhelms us today. Just the other day, I spoke with a client who said she was feeling overwhelmed and then realized that “on any given day, [her] situation would not feel overwhelming but [she] hasn’t slept well the last few days and her emotional reserves for dealing with life are just low right now.”

So, let’s look at this.

There are so many more specific and therefore useful words out there! When we drill down and get more specific, then we can identity the actual problem and then start working on solutions. Because, with unspecific feelings or measures, how do you ever know when you’re done feeling overwhelmed? “Overwhelmed” needs a time limit!

Let’s move out of OverWhelm and on to something better!

Let’s get more specific about how and what we are feeling so we gain some insight in how to start to make life better. Ask yourself:

• What does “Overwhelm” mean to you?
• What else are you working on or dealing with right now?
• Where do you feel “overwhelm”, and what does it feel like? What is your body telling you? (a great question from my coach Laine!)
• For example, my stress and therefore my overwhelm shows up in my shoulders and in migraine headaches.
• Are you struggling to take a deep breath? Are you tired before you even begin a task?
• These are all questions that can help you gain insight into what you are really feeling.

And, most importantly, what tools are you using to handle the feelings of overwhelm?

• First step is awareness. Take a few minutes and ask yourself those questions about what you’re really feeling!
• What are some of our other available tools in the moment!
  • Call your therapist, your friend, your coach!
  • Meditate or do some deep breathing;
  • Take a “nature break” and take care of actual physical needs like hunger and thirst (my hiking guide Kevin used that term first and I kept it!);
  • On a larger scale, make sure you’re managing sleep, nutrition, exercise., etc.
  • Look outside of your own situation and do something kind for someone else.

Let’s dig a little deeper this week and get more specific with the root of our overwhelm. And empowered with that awareness, we can start to conquer those feeling and move toward something better!