Category: ADHD

Positive Self Talk Changes Your Life In A Good Way!

Did you know?  Statistically speaking, the person you speak to most in your day is… Yourself.

Let’s say, when you’re in your car alone for extended periods of time, you may discover you have a tendency to talk to yourself. (Ok, maybe that’s just me.) For example, I recorded the content of this article on a late night solo drive home from seeing my son in a show in Indiana.

I know I have a tendency to talk to myself. A funny thing, early in lockdown when we were suddenly 5 people in the house together ALL THE TIME, my husband asked me about the conversations I was having with myself!

Do you talk to yourself? (The answer is likely “Yes”, whether out loud or just in your head). And more importantly, what do you say?

Today I want to talk about the importance of positive self talk.

We all learn in different ways. We have ways of processing, learning, organizing. In coaching we refer to these as processing modalities. The 4 most commonly discussed are seeing or visual learners, doing or kinesthetic learners, hearing or auditory learners, and speaking, or verbal learners. And we’re all a blend of all of those. Someone who learns by speaking out loud is called a verbal learner or a verbal processor.

A strength of mine is to verbally process. I am a paid, professional speaker, and a professional cantor, which means I get paid to sing. I enjoy podcasting, and writing articles and sending out a newsletter to my community for the last 15 years. Obviously, verbal processing and communicating for me is a strength. I learn things as I hear myself say them out loud. If you aren’t a verbal processor, it’s possible that you don’t understand what I was just talking about. But if you are a verbal processor or know one!, you will know exactly what I’m talking about when I say that.

What we say matters, and what we hear ourselves say matters.

Imagine with me: I was working with a client a few weeks ago. She is such a treasure, just delightful. My client is a verbal processor, and she was talking to me because I was in the space with her, but mostly she was thinking out loud – verbally processing – as we worked on organizing and clearing clutter in her space.

She was thinking out loud, verbalizing what was going on in her mind. She was doing a great job. She was asking herself really good questions. Do I need this? How can I set this space up best? And she was open to questions from me, as well, to help her through the process. She knew the questions to ask herself, and we held space together for her to work through those, with support if she wanted to talk things out a little more. (That is one of the beauties of coaching, so awesome).

She was thinking out loud and at one point got frustrated with herself and started to say more negative things.

And

then

she

stopped.

She stopped, and realized what she was doing and shifted to saying beautiful, loving and kind things to herself instead. And I was there to witness this beautiful habit.

Our self talk tends to trend negative. Too often, my inner monologue can trend to “Colleen, what is wrong with you? How could you let it get to this?” I think that can happen to all of us.

And we can say out loud that that’s not helpful. As a coach, well, really as a fellow human being, I would never ask you those questions because first of all, they’re mean. And secondly, they’re wrong.

I admired her awareness that the negative self talk was happening. I admired that she know that negative self talk was not a good and healthy habit. And SHE CHANGED HER BEHAVIOR!

Just like my client, when our self talk turns negative, we need to be aware that it’s happening, know that we need to change and then make the change!

Our negative self-talk is often a product of other messages we receive, from society or a teacher in 2nd grade or a sharp-tongued loved one as we grew up. And we can start believing it, even when we know the messages are not helpful and maybe even wrong. Whether it’s right or wrong, true or not true to us, the repetition can make us us start to believe it.

There is good news, though! I am here to share that the opposite is true, too. My client changed her inner soundtrack to positive self talk. So can you. And so can I.

BECAUSE HAVING A POSITIVE INTERNAL SOUNDTRACK CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE IN A GOOD WAY!

We need to shift our inner monologue, our personal narrative, our self talk. If we tell ourselves over and over, silently or out loud, that we are too busy and too stressed and the week is a total mess at 7 am on Monday, then – well – that is what we will believe. Except that is not helpful and that is not true.

Let’s shift that self talk. We need to be positive with ourselves because some times the world is harsh enough. Right? We don’t need anybody else telling us that it’s a hard life or a hard day, etc. We already know that. We don’t need to say it because it just reinforces the negative. I am not suggesting to lie to ourselves or ignore the obvious, but we can be our own best friend, our own biggest fan and cheerleader, and set ourselves up to succeed.

Every morning, I say out loud my “I Am Statements”. I start my day with positive self talk. And if I say them out loud but still are not feeling positive, I say them all again! Here’s what I say:

  • “I am stronger,
  • I am worthy,
  • I am wealthy,
  • I am loved,
  • I am vibrant,
  • I am wise,
  • I am beautiful,
  • I am smart,
  • I am kind,
  • I am patient,
  • I am generous,
  • I am successful,
  • I am healthy,
  • I am humble,
  • I am grateful,
  • I am brave,
  • I am blessed,
  • I am a blessing,
  • I am forgiving,
  • I am committed to growth,
  • I am a learner,
  • I am a builder,
  • I am committed to being my best self,
  • I am a Child of God.”

What do you want someone to say to you? Be that supportive person for yourself!

What can you say to yourself every day, to make your day and outlook more positive?

How can you be kind to yourself?

Make your list! Make it as long or as short as you want! (Check out Pinterest or Instagram if you need inspiration!!!)

I was speaking with a coaching client a few weeks ago. She has been working through some really difficult tasks over the past few months and I am so proud and happy for her and her progress. But much more importantly, SHE is proud of herself for doing difficult things and is happy with her progress. And she said, as we were discussing her positive self talk, “There are some things I have to say out loud.  Just thinking them isn’t loud enough.” Isn’t that awesome? The good stuff can’t be kept inside – just thinking them isn’t loud enough, they need to be said out loud!

Let’s say the good stuff out loud!!

The Importance of “Filling Your Cup”

When I started writing this content today, I had just listened to my amazing friend, Sara Goggin Young with Power to Believe. She really is extraordinary, you need to check her out on the social media platforms!  She hosts this really cool thing every Tuesday morning called Vibe High.

I listen as I take my morning walk, and she is just so motivating.

Her topic this week was “filling our cup”. Filling our cup.  As in, how do we support ourselves? How do we fill our cup, metaphorically speaking?

Time is weird. I record my podcast a week ahead. I record an episode on Monday, and then the next morning, Tuesday morning, the episode I recorded the week before drops.  Last week, I talked about ADHD and I have loved hearing from some of you about how that article and episode impacted you.  And thank you.

And this week’s topic is Arriving on time, in five minute increments.

I have been talking about habits around leaving, and also habits around arriving home and then also around habits of packing our bag the day before and things like that.

We can absolutely conquer our transitions in little bits of time. And we should. We don’t not have to make big, huge grand gestures to make a difference. Honestly, it’s better if they aren’t huge grand gestures.

We are much better off with small, consistent, intentional, positive effort.

And all of these thoughts and recent client conversations got me thinking about this habit that I have, this brief and impactful habit that I have that I might not have talked about before.

I find it very helpful and I thought I would share.  It helps me manage my transitions – and getting good at managing transitions makes everything better! – and it definitely helps me “fill my cup”. It helps me support me being my best self.

Here goes – There is a post-it note that I stare at when I sit down at my desk, which I do all the time.  The sitting down at my desk part.

And the title says “Homing.“

Did you know, I’m a liturgical musician in addition to being a certified professional organizer and organizational coach. And there’s a song we sing called “Lord of All Hopefulness”. It’s a prayer that you would sing throughout the day. There are 4 verses to the song, ‘be there at our waking’, ‘be there at our labors’, ‘be there at our homing’ and ‘be there at our sleeping’.

And “homing” refers to the time when we arrive home. For me, that’s a very comforting image.  Our coming home at the end of the day after our work is done. The word to me means completion and satisfaction. I did the work, I helped the people, and I’m home now and can rest, relax and reset.

And what is on the Homing Post It Note? It’s a list, in order

  • water
  • playlist
  • snack / meal?
  • nature break
  • shower?
  • change clothes?
  • next event?
  • transition bags and stuff
  • bookkeeping
  • curtains, lights and mail (which are all the same step.)

Those are the things that I need to do when I get home, to take care of me, to ease my transition, to fill my cup after a busy day and or before a busy evening.

I can do these arriving home tasks any time of the day, and even all together they take 25 minutes tops.

This Homing List has a special place because I need to remind myself to start with self care, self management, self regulation first.

Let’s break it down: 

Water: I’m almost always dehydrated.  Here’s a clue – we all are.   I have a hard time staying as on top of my water consumption as I should. So the first thing I do when I get home is have a glass of water because I need one.

Playlist: I love music, and the right playlist can relax or entertain or energize me. I have playlists from bands we follow or have become friends of ours, and those make me happy.  I love to listen to Motown while I cook – I don’t know why! But it makes me happy, too.

Snack  / Meal:  Seems self explanatory, but I often need a snack when I get home.  And if I don’t remember to ask the question, it could be a little bit of time before I wonder my energy is lagging, my focus is drifting, my blood sugar has bottomed out and now I am hangry (yes, that is a thing!).  Or, maybe I get home around dinner time and I need to make dinner!

Nature break: Again, this seems obvious, I know.  I shouldn’t need a post-it note to remind me to use the washroom, but sometimes I do.

Next, do I need a shower? Some days I get grubby at work, but this really revved up during pandemic.  During pandemic times, I would only see one client a day and then shower immediately when I got home to keep my family safe. I’m not quite as fanatical about that anymore, but, some days it still needs to happen or I need to shower before my next appointment or event. 

And I almost always need to change my clothes into comfy clothes. Same idea, I don’t really wear outdoor clothes in my house and vice versa.

Next, ask “What is my next event?” This loops back to what I mentioned last week and in the past few months about getting our stuff and self ready to go. As soon as I come home from one thing, is it unpacking from the current day or packing for the next day? So, when I ask the question: next event? I’m answering the question and then:

Transitioning my bags and stuff. I mean, I’ve talked about that recently, with my many-bag-days and making sure that unpacking and putting everything away happens regularly. Otherwise, I’m pretty sure I would be inundated all over my desk or my office floor with bags. Yikes!

Next up is Bookkeeping. And bookkeeping is not necessarily something that everybody needs to do, but I, as a business owner, do need to do it. I have clients who pay me using all sorts of methods and often when I get home, I need to send a PayPal invoice or a Venmo request, or perhaps I need to follow up on scheduling. This also provides an opportunity to file any paperwork that I accumulated throughout the day, put away any receipts, make note on hours that I work today and account for them, etc. This doesn’t take long but it is a very important part of my process.

The final step is “curtains, lights and mail” and that is contingent on the time of day when I arrive home and the season and all that stuff. Sometimes I get home mid-day. And sometimes I arrive early evening and it’s time for me to close the curtains for the night, turn on the lights in my home to make it warm and friendly, and bring in the mail. When I say that out loud, it feels very cozy and inviting. It makes me feel like I’m having a hug, and looping back, that helps fill my cup.

The process itself absolutely fills my cup, gives me a boost and brings my thoughts back to home and family and the things that I find important.

My challenge to you would be to figure out what these steps are for yourself, and how to fill your cup. And how can you make sure it happens on a consistent basis? My example was about habits around coming home.  Maybe you need to head outside to fill your cup, or go exercise or go meet up with friends or go to a class. On the call with my friend and her group, some people loved to cook or be creative with their hands. What is it for you?

And how do you make sure to do it regularly? For example, having this visual reminder for me absolutely helps me to “fill my cup” consistently. Let me know your thoughts!

Arriving On Time, in 5 Minute Increments!

You are a responsible human being.

Congratulations!

You make a conscious decision to not procrastinate on important things – Also, congratulations.

You have places to go and things to do, and you leave with time to get where you need to go.

Aces.

You don’t like to be late, and you don’t like to add unnecessary stress to your, or anyone else’s, day.

Rock on. 

And yet… sometimes you still run late.  Or get stressed. (And you can still be an amazing and responsible human being and still occasionally run late.)

But, what gives?

At an event last week, a person asked me exactly this question.

They do all the right things. 

They pay attention to their calendar, their schedules.

They respect their own time and others’ time.

They have a realistic time estimate of how long their regular commutes take.

They allot the proper amount of time to get where they are going.

This is all great news.

But they mentioned that even for the event that we were both attending that day, having left the office with what they considered plenty of time to get to where they were going, they still felt like they were running late and made it just on time.  There were clearly still snags, so we chatted some more.

The obvious fix could be adding in a few minutes extra for just in case, like just in case they got stopped by a co-worker in the hallway.  But they already do that.

So I asked a few more questions, since they have already conquered so many stumbles around planning, respect and awareness.  And because they were arriving with no time to spare and also still stressed.

And I asked if, when they were getting ready to leave to come to this event, if they had factored in the extra two or three minutes we all need as transition time.  And the answer was no.

You know, the “not necessarily-stand up and immediately leave their office” part, but the three to four minutes of small tasks that they might need to complete between the standing up and the leaving the office.

For example, taking their phone off the charger and putting it in their pocket.

Making sure they have their ID and key fob so they can get back in the office.

Checking the outside temperature on the weather app to determine if they need to grab their jacket.

Or glancing out the window and running back for an umbrella.

Getting almost to the door, and then taking the moment to log off their computer because they need to safely do that because they work in a shared workspace and they need to be safe and responsible with their computer.

Maybe they need to find their glasses or sunglasses.

You know, the “Pat the Pockets” sequence that takes time.

A client called it the floss and gloss, with a mirror next to the back door to check her smile.

So phone, keys, glasses.

So it’s not even necessarily like other people distracting them at this point, but it’s recognizing that very often stand up is also not leave time factor in anybody else into that equation.

In my article and podcast Never Be Late Again, we call this the difference between Load Time and Leave time

And, what if this person was going to walk across campus with a friend, and now they have to wait for their friend’s Pat the Pockets sequence.

The first suggestion for this person to arrive on time and and stress less is to be aware of what those leaving the office tasks are and how long they take, and factor those few extra minutes into their commute time.

The second suggestion  I had for this person to get better at leaving and arriving on time and stressing less is to take a few well-placed minutes at the end of our trip, too.  I called this the ambulance driver analogy in a recent podcast. But here is how it played out just yesterday here at my desk.

We went to the Bears Game yesterday.  It was a beautiful day on the lakefront, a great day for a football game, and we won! 

Security has special bag requirements so I carried my needed items (id, credit card, a few dollars, lip balm, a car key) in my pocket.   The usual, right?  And when I got  home, everything came out of my pocket and into a pile on my desk (it’s right by the door), before I changed my clothes and grabbed a glass of water. And within a few minutes, I sat down at my desk and filed all the things.  ID, cash and credit card back to my wallet, and wallet back in my purse. Key back on the keyring and clipped to my purse. Sunglasses and lip balm back in the front pocket of my purse. And if I do this consistently and trust the process, I don’t have to add the 10 minutes panicked scramble to find my car keys to my leaving the house next time process!

Next up are the 5 minutes dedicated to hidden time leaks.

This suggestion is inspired by a different conversation I had at the same event.  I was chatting with a fellow presenter about mom-time.  Because we do not live in a perfect world. 

We discussed planning for her child’s doctor appointment. And how if the appointment is at 10 am, and it takes 5 minutes to get there and 5 minutes to park and walk in, we still need to head out the door 30 minutes before.  Because…

  • someone will have forgotten something and need to run back in the house for it;
  • there are always forms to fill out;
  • it’s only one floor and you could take the stairs more quickly but the kids love to ride the elevator; and / or
  • doctor appointments are stressful enough without also running late for them.

We called this mom-time, because it happens to us all the time as moms.  But it could happen to any of us, truly.

Those unsaid words as we set up a doctor appointment – always leave time to fill out paperwork!, or always leave time to find a parking spot (hey, I live in Chicago, it’s a thing!), or if it’s winter, always leave time to scrape your car window if there’s snow or ice.

And the final 5 minute suggestion has to do with 5 minutes the day before

I’ve talked about Many Bag Days recently. 

And the event that I mentioned from last week?  Yes, that was a five bag day. Started the day (bag #1) with an early client appointment(bag #2), had to change my clothes (bag #3) and then head to this networking event where I was presenting (bags #4 and 5). Yes, it was a 5 Bag Day. 

And when I say I have a many bag day, those bags have to get packed at some point in my house and then also get into my car. So, the bags have to get packed, get lined up at the back door and then get into the car.

And really, that process starts with a few minutes per bag of planning. 

  • The purse and the go bag are always packed and ready.
  • But, the days I need to pack clothes for a costume change?  (I call that ‘pulling a superman’) Yep, I need to choose my clothes/shoes/jewelry and get it ready to travel.
  • And the presenting days?  For this event, I pulled out my promotional items, extra handouts, a bowl of candy (of course), clipboard and pens, a snack and a water bottle.  And I check all that over a day ahead, in case I need to restock anything.
  • None of these steps take a lot of time.  But if I left them all to the end, to the As I AM LEAVING THE HOUSE moment, I would be sooooo late.

The bags were waiting for me because the night before, I took time to mentally walk through my next day and determine what it was that I needed to do. Pre-planning is essential, because a Many Bag Day only works if the bags are already packed well before, or at least a bit before, we need to leave.

So, success in leaving and therefore arriving on time relies on small but consistent and quick habits around pre-planning, leaving and arriving.

Yes, we need to understand how long it takes us to get places, realistic time estimates are essential.

AND there are additional habits we can put in place to make our days run more smoothly. Adding in a few minutes before we leave, when we arrive home, added to our trip time and also the day before can make every transition more successful!

October is ADHD Awareness Month: More Than Just Awareness

October is ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) Awareness Month.

Last week, I spoke with one of my accountability partners, Laine.  Laine is the ADHD Coach that I want to be when I grow up. She’s amazing. If you’d like to know more, check out her website at http://thinkinganddoingskillscenter.com/.  She is always looking to reach and positively impact more students and adults with her coaching. 

On our accountability call, we discussed that this is the time of year when mid-quarter progress reports go home, and for many students, we find out that they are struggling with their grades and workload.

Perhaps a student hasn’t been diagnosed but the teacher or school administrator may start the conversation regarding testing and diagnosis. 

OR perhaps a student is diagnosed with ADHD but they haven’t necessarily found the strategies or skills, or aren’t using them, or need to explore more to help them do as well as they could in school.

Laine and took a moment to share our own stories about our experiences with ADHD for either ourselves or loved ones.  And I realized that I don’t tell ADHD stories, and that’s a disservice to you and to me and anybody who has ADHD.

Today, I want to talk about what ADHD is and what it looks like in ourselves and the people around us. We will increase awareness around ADHD and some symptoms that go along with it, and mention the strategies and skills that can be used to improve the lives of EVERYONE, including folks with ADHD. 

See what I did there?  I reminded all of us that the strategies that help folks with ADHD to manage their neurodiversity are the same strategies that can help us all on any given day.

To get us started, I want to share a conversation I had recently with a friend about her grown child with ADHD.  And keep in mind – we are not doing an in-depth study of ADHD today, because that would be impossible in one day. 

Today, we are increasing awareness!

This grown child, this young adult, is doing great, professionally speaking. They recently graduated from college, they have a new job in their field of study, they’re really excited about it, they’re just doing great.

But this young adult struggles beyond that.  In addition to a new job, they also have a new living arrangement in this new stage of life. And they are really struggling with all the change, the expectation to set up a home and to manage themselves. 

Of course I can’t coach a person who’s not there, that’s not how that works.  But I can increase awareness with this young adult’s loved one who is trying to understand where their young adult is coming from, and how to help.  And I respect that.  We can all start by recognizing there is more going on with every person than we may be aware of.

First, I asked “is the young adult diagnosed or not?”, and the answer was yes. Next, I asked if they received counseling or therapy specifically around their ADHD and where they may struggle, and the answer was no.

So this friend and I simply worked on ADHD Awareness together.

First, I want you to click over to and read an article I wrote for the basics, ADHD Awareness Month, For Yourself and for Others.

It’s not necessarily that people with ADHD have symptoms that are completely different than anybody else in a busy time of life or any other time. What makes it troublesome and what leads many of us to either get tested or get our loved ones tested for ADHD or other neuro-diversities is if the struggles happen more than occasionally, or are negatively impacting a person’s life. And by life I mean relationships, how they succeed or excel in school or professionally, or in whatever it is that they’re trying to achieve.

So we all have challenges some days with achievement or focus or productivity or motivation, but it’s when those challenges negatively impacts life for a certain amount of time, those are the red flags that say, okay, there’s more going on here, and we need to ask if perhaps this person is neurodivergent. Again, many of us display these characteristics. It’s the severity and the comorbidities, like folks with ADHD also suffering from higher rates of anxiety or depression, that make ADHD troublesome.

Back to my friend and her young adult.

For this friend and her grown child, we discussed that this young adult is able to excel at work but their home life and relationships suffer, and they are exhausted all the time.  I mentioned that, whereas I might have a busy day at work and I need to come home and take a half hour to shift gears and decompress before staring my next activity, someone with ADHD has worked much harder to be productive at work and to manage their challenges and may need much more time to regroup.

Let’s understand Masking.

People with ADHD and other people as well learn to cover up what may be considered culturally undesirable behaviors.  So little ones learn to not blurt out answers in the classroom or hop out of their seats when their energy tells them otherwise.  And they learn to manage and mask, but it also takes effort to NOT act this way.

Let’s understand, too, a different type of masking:

Children with ADHD are often not diagnosed until they reach transitions like elementary school to middle school, or middle school to high school, or even high school to college.  Strong and supportive parenting and learning environments are AWESOME but occasionally ADHD goes undiagnosed until a student reaches the point when their external coping supports (parents and teachers) no longer make up for the challenges from their ADHD.

Let’s understand Hyperfocus

Another characteristic of ADHD is Hyperfocus. ADHD is often misunderstood and underdiagnosed because people with ADHD may be able to hyper-focus on something that is interesting to them.  This is why ADHD is not a full enough name, because “Attention Deficit” is not always true.

And, for many people with ADHD, they are paying Attention to EVERYTHING. Did you know? When a person with ADHD looks like they’re not paying attention, it’s actually very likely that they are paying attention to absolutely everything in the room.  If they’re listening to their teacher talk about math or to a friend tell a story, or they’re trying to focus on the email in front of them, they are also hearing every background sound there is.

They are noticing how their clothing feels at every point that it touches their body.

They are noticing the temperature of the air around them, and the smell of the space.

They are noticing everything. Any pains that might be in their body. They notice it all. It’s not that they’re not paying attention. Attention deficit is actually a misnomer in some ways, because they’re processing input from everything.

And so what may look like inattentiveness is actually the fact that they are processing everything all the time. And they might not even know what’s happening. And where you think that it is a character flaw, defiance or something else, it might very well be that they have so many different signals coming in at any given point that they’re just taking a bit of time to process.

And again, that’s not necessarily specific to ADHD, but it is a common trait of somebody with ADHD.

Let’s Also understand Bandwidth, or spoons.

All of us have a certain amount of energy and focus and motivation to get things done every day.  And once those commodities are used up for the day, it’s time for rest.    Some people call these units of measure spoons.  So each of us starts with a certain number of spoons to use throughout the day. 

With me so far?

All of us consume the spoons.  And if we’re sick or sad, we may have fewer spoons than normal.  And some days we have to do hard things, which uses up our spoons faster.

A person with ADHD may have the same amount spoons as you and me when they start their day.  But they may use them faster than we do because they have to make themselves focus and motivate and get things done in  a certain way that isn’t how their brain is wired to work.

Now, let’s talk about recovery.

Just as a neurotypical person needs to rest and re-fuel to face another day, so does, of course, a person with ADHD.  But it may take longer. In addition to using spoons faster than others, a person with ADHD may take longer to replace the spoons.  Even a person with ADHD who is managing themselves well and getting the support they need knows that they MUST employ strategies and skills to rest and replenish.  And we have to respect that.

Somebody with ADHD, because they have been dealing with all of these external stimuli for so long, can absolutely maintain for a bit, and then they’re exhausted. And what takes you and I perhaps an hour or two, or a good night’s sleep, to recuperate from could take them days.

And I think where all of this is leading me to is right here:

Your awareness of ADHD or now doesn’t validate or invalidate a friend or loved one with ADHD.  Yes, there are people out there who believe ADHD doesn’t exist.

But today I want to increase awareness.  I want to show all of us that we all struggle sometimes.  People with ADHD and people without ADHD.

As I started this topic today, I mentioned that we don’t know where people are coming from. But now we know  more.  We know better.  And I was quoted back to myself last week, apparently I often say “when we know better we must do better” (I will credit this to Maya Angelou). 

No one is broken and no one needs fixed.  We just need to understand more about others, be aware there is more happening than we know and be ready to support others by educating ourselves.  More than 10% of the population has ADHD, whether you or they have been diagnosed or not.  You may have ADHD, and I guarantee you know people with ADHD.  Some who struggle and some who manage well.

We need to understand that it’s happening, and support ourselves and others with understanding, communication and education.

There are resources out there to help. Coaching, counseling, therapy. 

CHADD, https://chadd.org/, Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD)

ADD.org, Attention Deficit Disorder Association

There are tools to help individuals manage their ADHD and to support the folks who support people with ADHD. The best indicator for success is for everyone to understand ADHD Better. 

It’s Planning Day! For Me and For You!

I want to get back to the procrastination topics we started a few weeks ago, especially since I’ve been hearing from a lot of you about procrastination!

However… that is not where my brain is today. And instead of fighting my brain, I realized I could use this as a teaching and learning moment for you and for me! Procrastination is important, but it will still be waiting for me when i get back to it (a little procrastination joke there).

Instead, Today is Planning Day! Capital P, capitol D.

Planning Day is more than just a plan for the next hour or today or this week, even though those are great places to start!

PLANNING Day looks a little farther out. As in, Let’s look at this month, this quarter, this year! Where do I want to see me by November 1, or January 1, or by my next birthday?!

Today is a planning day for a lot of reasons. It’s a planning day because it is a new month and a new season.

Today is a planning day because it’s a new quarter. Q Four. I know, that sounds very business-y, but I am running a company here, so things sounds business-y from time to time. Even if I don’t say things like Q3 and Q4 out loud, I think in those terms all the time. Q Four matters, and I like to set goals for quarters and for the year.

Last week, at the end of the third quarter, I checked in on my Q3 goals to see what I had completed or not. And I am quite satisfied with my goal completion rate for Q3.

love this idea from borrowedheaven.com!

And now it’s time to look at what I want to accomplish before the end of 2023. It’s crazy to think about, right? Just this week, I have scheduled several organizing presentations for January and February of 2024. I already had some on the books, but now I have a whole lot more, which is very exciting, but seeing 2024 in print on the contracts, it is quite noteworthy.

For me, it’s a planning day because my oldest son and my daughter-in-law were married the end of September. And it was lovely. There were friends, there was family. The weather was perfect. Everything went smoothly. It’s just wonderful. And there was a lot of work and planning that went into that ahead of time, mostly on the part of the bride and groom. But it occupied my mind and parts of my schedule for the last couple of weeks, too. And now it is blessedly, wonderfully, complete. And then the rest of the world comes back in. It’s a planning day because I need to plot my course , post-wedding.

It’s a planning day, too, because October is my birth month, and I always feel retrospective around my birthday and also, eager to plot my course for the next year. A great time to check in on things, right?

Join me for Planning Day, here’s how!

First, Planning takes time. So set aside some time.

On my schedule this week, today did not start out as a planning day but some client cancellations provided some much needed white space. Sometimes, I end up planning as I drive (I think really clearly when I drive), or spontaneously in an early morning writing session. But, truly, Planning is too important to leave up to chance, so don’t do it that way!

My suggestion is, Don’t wait for a cancellation or a found opportunity. Put Big Picture Planning on the schedule! As I write this, I just hopped into my google calendar and scheduled planning sessions the last week in December and the first week in January.

Next, Give yourself some grace. I want to give myself grace and ask you to do the same in general, in life.

We are so quick to judge ourselves.

I was talking with a client yesterday – she knows who she is! – She was reporting that she didn’t get what she was supposed to get done since our last appointment. And then she mentioned she had COVID since our last appt. THAT MATTERS! That wins. That absolutely wins!

We took a moment to say, look at what you DID accomplish, even with a few weeks of not feeling so great! And we did that before we jumped into the day’s tasks.

I think I am the first one to do that to myself as well. I could look at my list and my schedule and go, oh wow, I’ve got all this stuff to do. What is wrong with me? And the answer is Nothing. Absolutely nothing is wrong with me, life happened. And it was amazing. And now I get to choose how else I want to spend my time.

Therefore, Grace.

Then, Look at the Done List:

I find this step fun and gratifying, but often overlooked. Last week or month or quarter, you got things done! Yeah you!

We can absolutely be proud of what we accomplished. And I am proud. So, look at that done list. Take a moment and bask and revel in what you DID get done.

Last week my accountability partner reminded me that in addition to all the other q3 goals I had, I also successfully helped my mom move to a new home in August. That wasn’t on the original q3 list, but it is noteworthy and made it on the Q3 done list!

A fellow organizing coach Shannon wrote in a recent FB post that she was ready to apologize for not posting a lot recently on SM (I’m guilty of that, too), but then she shifted her perspective and shared what she DID accomplish in the last month or two. And the list was long and fabulous, impressive, wonderful, amazing. And I really appreciated her shift in perspective. It came at just the right time for me to read as well, because it would be easy to get frustrated with what I need to do or what hasn’t gotten done.

OK, and now for the planning:

Look ahead. It’s time to take action, but if we haven’t planned, how do we know what the right action is? Yeah, there’s a truth bomb.

Without a plan, without having sat down and thought about these things, how do you actually know what the right action is?

So we’ve talked about focus areas and I think that’s a great place to start. For a refresher, check out episode #5 I think? Last Decmeber, 2022! Start with what is important to you!

Talking with a client on Monday, she was feeling discombobulated and I absolutely understand. And in the next breath, she was also telling me all the wonderful things that she did with and for her family recently, about a huge professional accomplishment and a huge work project that she successfully completed.

So I used the image of focus areas, but she kind of liked the idea of lanes, or columns on a whiteboard of the different areas of her life.

So family, kids, specific per family member. In addition, she is a professional musician and also has an artistic job not related to music, Home, personal, wellness, personal development. Each had a lane, and she saw them like traffic, with different lanes moving at different speeds but all in the same direction.

List your focus areas (for example, mine are School Board, Ministry, Home / Family, Personal / Wellness, Education and The Company.)

List those focus areas, and then jot down some reasonable 3 month goals, milestones or plans around those focus areas.

What that might look like for me:

In addition to regular board work, two Q4 School Board Goals are: we start a Policy Review this week for the next 6-12 months, and we also have our Annual Conference in November.

In addition to regular weekly ministry, two Q4 Ministry Goals are: my annual Baptismal Prep photo project, and Joyful and successful planning and completion of the liturgical Advent season; Because as a liturgical musician, Advent and Christmas are where it’s at!

Looking at Home and Family, successful Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays would be on the list. And under those items I would list some of the ways I will accomplish these, like communication with family members regarding events, completing the actual days, gift giving, celebrations, etc.

Education: I’ve dropped the ball in this area and 2 goals would be to complete my next certification with the ICD, and read 6 non-fiction books before 12/31/2023.

Looking at my company, I want to set on goal in each of my subcategories. So, one each – a Coaching Goal, Client Goal, Speaking Goal, Community Building Goal and Operations Goal. One thing that I need to accomplish today and this week, in addition to recording this particular podcast, is I also need to plan out my, content calendar for Q Four.

And I have to admit that I have been kind of I haven’t really made note of the plan.

There is a plan, but right now it’s in my head, and I need to actually jot it down per week as to what I want to talk about. If there’s articles I’ve already written that I can use as resources. And it will make my entire quarter go more smoother if I can get that at least on it’s not really on paper, but like, in my planning document today, that would be such a huge help.

PLANNING DAY!

So those are my focus areas. Let’s ask some questions:

  • What are your focus areas, what is important to you?
  • What is one thing that you would like to accomplish by the end of Q4?
  • What will you be proud to look back on, in three months?
  • What has been lingering around on your to-do list, and you know life will be so much better if you just get this thing squared away?
  • Where do I want to see myself by the time I hit my next birthday?
  • Throw in some easy goals, too! some goals are easy to see and even accomplish, but they still need to be listed! For example, obviously, Thanksgiving and Christmas will happen, whether I set them as a goal or not. But they become a place holder and a reminder – yes, these events will take effort, and also their successful completion warrants celebration and a feeling of accomplishment.
  • And leave some room for fun and joy!

So that’s my Planning Day!

So plan with me today or this week. So this is what I’m doing today, and I recommend at least once in a while that you do it for yourself as well.

And if this is one of those things that you need to go back and listen to when it’s Q One for 2024, great. I love it. Let’s do it.

I have these podcasts and articles available all the time to refer back to – 45 episodes so far – if there is something you need a refresher or reminder about.

I hope that you take some time for planning this week. Do it as a gift to yourself. Chart your course not just for the next hour or day or week, but also month and quarter and maybe even year.

I hope you found this helpful. I know it was helpful for me to talk it out, so thank you for listening!

Put Things AWAY! Before procrastination makes us stumble!

I have spent time, in podcasts and articles and newsletters, this year talking about how much easier life is when we leave a few bags packed.

Those bags included, for example, my bag of chargers, my toiletry bag and my go-bag for work. It’s great to have those things ready to grab and go, knowing that they and you are ready for everything.

I love that.

However, I want to take a step back on the “You Are Ready” part. And recognize that while there are some bags that need to stay packed, there are more that should NOT stay packed.

Over the summer, I’ve shared photos or videos on my social media platforms that “That It’s a five bag day or even a six bag day.” I think 6 was the most, thank goodness!

And let me explain: There are many days in my life that require more than one bag. The number of bags on those days were a measure of the complexity of my calendar! As in, one post shared: “Today is a 5 Bag Day – I have a client in the morning, then a presentation in the afternoon, and then I go straight to a school board meeting or a choir rehearsal!”

  • Which means, as I leave my house that morning, I had 5 or 6 bags:
    • The first is my everyday bag (mine’s a backpack);
    • Next, I have my go-bag that I take with me every work day with extra chargers, a change of clothes since occasionally organizing is dirty work, a car snack, a rain coat etc.. That bag is always packed, and is sitting near the back door right now.
    • I also had my cooler lunch bag, since I pack my lunch to save time and money, and to eat healthy.
    • That day I needed a bag with my clothes to change into, from organizing clothes into snazzier presentation clothes;
    • And then the bag with my laptop and content of my presentation, and in this case, also, my bag for board work too.
    • Whew! That’s a lot of stuff! (At one of those summer presentations, a participant suggested I just need to carry one really big bag to hold everything I needed for that day. But he realized as soon as he suggested just one bag that the one bag would have to be huge and very heavy to make that work!)

I recently ran into a friend who mentioned that she loved the Many Bag Day posts because we all feel like that some days, with our variety of roles and responsibilities that we hold. And when this friend mentioned that she loves this idea and it really resonated with her, I said, “I need to do a part two that reminds us all that we also have to unpack the bags at the end of the day!”

And that’s where we’re headed today. The unpacking. Which is literal unpacking, but also a analogy for completion.

Let me explain: I started out talking about how a few bags need to stay packed, but that most don’t. And I mean, seriously, at the end of the day, most bags need unpacked. Now, ok, maybe it’s the next morning. So I’ll give you 24 hours. I guess I don’t really want to, but I get it. But for the most part, all of those bags, once I’m completed with doing all those things, they all come home and the stuff comes back out of the bag.

Because “In the bag” is not where that stuff lives. It should live AWAY. “In a bag” is not away. And we need to put our things away.

  • We need to put our things away because it is likely we have to pack another bag the next day or the day after, with other things in it for that day’s responsibilities.
  • This is assuming a finite amount of things. A finite amount of bags, a finite amount of clothes for presentations. There should be limits.
  • And I also put those things together in different combinations from day to day because as it should be. That makes sense. But the point is, yes, it could be a six bag day, but then I’m going to come home and I’m going to unpack the lunch bag, because day old lunch remains in a cooler bag are disgusting.
  • Or, I’m going to unpack the clothes I wear for work or for my presentation. Those need to go in the hamper, get washed and put back into rotation. A client mentioned their child’s soccer bag – and ALL of that stuff needs washed regularly!
  • My board of education work comes out of the bag because I need to take care of tasks, and I also need to put the binder away after I pulled out the tasks that I need to complete.
  • A truly successful day for me, means that at the end of the day, I’ve completed all my things that I wanted to complete while serving others.

And part of that process, and the signal that everyone is done, is that all of those bags have come back in the house, been emptied completely, and are away, as are their contents.

So, full bags, partial bags, bags when we don’t know what’s in them? What does this have to do with procrastination? Here’s is where I want to shift to thinking about the analogy of the bags.

Let’s think about what I’ve said for the last few minutes in terms of activation and completion.

  • I started my day. I planned to go places and do things.
  • I packed stuff to go with me to do the things, so that I have the tools and accessories to do the things.
  • I successfully did the things. Yeah!
  • I came home, and now I am finishing the things.
  • Wow. Yes. Finishing.

Because finishing is a tough one for some of us. We’re not always so good at that.

Sometimes we procrastinate on starting, and other times we procrastinate on finishing.

So, good for us, we start the work, awesome.

Also yeah us, we did the work. We persevered and completed the work awesome.

But now we need to finish. And for me, as the example, finishing means unpacking the bag, putting all the stuff away.

Completed work is great, but the job is not done till it’s all away. When we shift our thinking to encompass the steps around completion, we set ourselves up to succeed next time.

I made jam a couple of weeks ago and that was great. I learned how to make jam! I am proud of the new skills I acquired. And it’s Delicious! But the work wasn’t totally done until the pot was actually washed and away, right? Jam made AND All the Stuff AWAY was really the finish line.

Completion. The work is done. But completion means work is done and tools are put away. Sometimes we procrastinate on the done part. As in, “Great, I did the work. But now here it all sits.” We can revel when the work is complete. But if , in my case, there are still packed bags by my back door, I’m not actually done.

I have clients who get 85%, or 90 or 90% done on a project. And then they drop the ball on the last 5%. And that is where mental and physical clutter comes in, and negative self talk.

For me, that last 5% is the WooHoo! moment. Don’t deprive yourself of the woohoo moment! The woohoo moment of “I did it!”. The woohoo moment is where it’s at!

Back to the bag idea. Let’s walk through the last 5%:

  • I can take a moment, with my bags around me in my office.
  • I can say – “Yes, I did it!” I served my client well this morning!
  • I ate a healthy lunch, took care of me and put a few snacks in there too.
  • I presented today, knocked that out of the park. Yay me. I love getting to meet people!
  • I safely drove everywhere I needed to go today. Thank you, Lord.
  • I ran a good board meeting and got my board work done.
  • AND NOW, actually and also metaphorically, I’m going to unpack it all and put it all away.

My suggestion this week, after you ponder the actual bags and also the other areas of your life where the bag idea applies, is to craft a habit around leaving time at the end of your day to completely finish the work and unpack the bags. Or file the papers, or put away the large pot you used while canning jam.

I wrote this content first as my podcast content, so I wrote it the last week of September. And I know this is going to be a many bag week! The day this podcast airs and that the newsletter is sent will be just a few days after my oldest son gets married. I know it will have been a wonderful experience. And I also know that soon after all the events are enjoyed, I will take some time and unpack all the bags, real and metaphorical. And I will appreciate and revel in the wonderful completion. And then maybe take a nap.

Is It Really Procrastination? Or Are We Unknowing or Unable?

Perhaps you have noticed, or perhaps you haven’t: I don’t talk much about procrastination.

I think it’s time.

And that is funny, yes? That I’ve waited this long to talk about procrastination?

Yep, there’s that word. I don’t talk about it. Similar to my feelings that I shared in my article and podcast about Overwhelm, I feel the word Procrastination is overused and misunderstood.

Procrastination IS. That it exists is undeniable.  It is a feeling, a strategy, an occurrence. It’s a lot of things. It can be all of those things and more.

But I don’t talk about it because it’s also too easy. It is too easy to just wave off an occurrence of not getting something done and say, “Yes, I procrastinated.” It’s too easy, and it’s not helpful.

And that’s the bigger problem.  When it is used in conversation, the word Procrastination is not specific enough to actually help us figure out what the solution should be. We tend to only look at the symptom instead of digging deeper. 

Imagine: I have a stuffy nose. I can blow my nose, and that solves the current problem. But I get stuffy again.  Or blowing my nose DOESN’T solve the problem, and I’m still stuffy. Stuffy is a symptom, not the cause.  The cause may be allergies, a cold, the flu or something else.

Similarly, if we don’t look at WHY we’re procrastinating, or get specific around what exactly the problem is, we’re unlikely to make anything more than temporary progress. We need to get specific about procrastination, both the word and the event!

So, let’s get specific!

The definition of procrastination is “the action of delaying or postponing something:”, or to “willfully choose to NOT do something for absolutely no good reason”, or “to put off intentionally and habitually the doing of something that should be done”. Now, in truth, there are many people – all the time! – who willfully choose to not do something purely for the sake of not doing it.

So I’m not saying that it doesn’t exist, but I am saying that very often when we say, “Ugh, I need to stop procrastinating on this thing”, what we’re really saying is, I know that I need to do it and it’s important, but there’s still something stopping me from doing it. And so what could that be? Again, back to that overwhelm definition or that strategy when we were taking apart that word.

But today, we’re going to look at two reasons why we delay action that are mislabeled as procrastination. Sometimes we delay for no good reason, but sometimes we delay because we lack the know-how or the resources to get something done.

And this is going at be at least a 2 part series!

Let me share a few theories on why we procrastinate, or more specifically, why we call something procrastination, and it actually isn’t procrastination.

In my podcast and my writings, I have talked about essential structures in Coaching. They are Support, Self-knowledge, Action and Education.  And essential structures are the scaffolding. They’re the essential structures that are required for us to actually do things that need done. They are the things, the people, the habits, the knowledge that help us live what we consider successful lives. We have scaffolding, we have strategies that we can use to help us to live more successful lives.

And sometimes we don’t have those things that we need to take action on a task or a project. So we’re procrastinating on it because, for example, we lack the know-how to do something.

For example: I knew I wanted to formalize my business. But It took me months if not a year or two to determine if I needed my company structure to be a C Corp, an S Corp, or an LLC. I felt like I was procrastinating which is not comfortable for me! But in truth, I was thinking about it. I was researching my options, reading things online, working through worksheets. I did all the things, but I still lacked the knowledge to make the right decision. And even if I decided one way or the other, I lacked the legal expertise to actually set it up.

So it’s not that I wasn’t doing anything. I was taking steps, but they weren’t the right steps, because, honestly, that’s not my wheelhouse. Those are not my strengths. And thank goodness I figured that out.

I do not need to learn how to do it,  which is what I was unsuccessfully trying to do.

What I needed to do was find an expert and let them help me. So I called my attorney, Eileen, and said, “Hey, I’m trying to figure this out. You know me, you know my business. I want know formalize my business and register with the state, protect my name and my family’s assets, separating my company business from personal business.

She replied that I needed an LLC and that she could set that up for me. And every year, her office sends in my paperwork to the state to keep it current. It costs a certain amount, and I sign off on it every year, and then it was done. So that is an example of when what looks like procrastination was me not seeing the path forward until I called in an expert. Sometimes we lack the know how, and that’s okay.

Most importantly, being aware of what the real problem is can help us seek the right solution.

Another reaction of NOT DOING that we could call Procrastination may actually be a lack of resources.  Let’s define what a resource is. In this example, a resource is a commodity that we already possess. A resource is our own brain, our education, our experiences. It can be time, it can be money, it can be energy. When I talk about resources and productivity, those three – time, money and energy, are the three I talk about the most.

For example: For a very long time, I wanted to start a podcast. I was very excited at the prospect. I had it all thought out. I had reached out to and spoken with the expert in my community who had a successful podcast.  This expert became my producer Chris because he also hosts and produces podcasts for other people.

My brand community had asked me for a podcast. 

I am a pro at professional speaking and singing, so I’m comfortable behind a microphone.

Many people struggle with consistent content for a podcast, but I was already in the habit of producing content every week for my community, so that wasn’t a stretch.

I had a plan.  I had the know how. I had the supportive people around me, to help me with it, too.

But what I was worried about were resources. Finding the time to add another task, another responsibility to my already full to-do list. 

This was not news. I knew I wanted to start a podcast for years, but I did not have the time to add the podcast in while in the midst of everything else, working full time, managing a household, being present for my family, doing all the things that I needed to do.

Last Fall, my youngest left for college.  And if I haven’t mentioned lately, I adore my kids, my people.  They are the coolest humans on the planet. I do not begrudge one moment I have spent with them.

But I didn’t procrastinate on starting the podcast as much as I chose to not make it happen for a time.  As my responsibilities shifted, I launched my podcast in November of last year. 

Sure, I talked about it for a long time without acting.  At times, when I was frustrated with myself, I would accuse myself of procrastination. But honestly, I knew the opportunity was coming soon and I was waiting for the resource of time became available, and that is the answer. I wasn’t procrastinating as much as I was recognizing how I and the people around me needed to spend my resources.

And what is the awareness here?

Don’t use the term procrastination without digging deeper! Are you procrastinating around something because you don’t know HOW to do it?  Or you lack the resources to make it happen? Well then let’s call the problem what it really is – a lack of know how or resources, and then actively do something to remedy the problem!

Find Focus and Fight Distraction!

Recently, I recorded a live video on my back deck. I wanted to talk about Focus. I was feeling out of focus, just blurry. And I was taking steps to get back on track and thought that would be helpful to my community to talk through.

What is really funny to me is that the video did not go well!

The day before, a friend had mentioned that she had “seen my car videos on Instagram”. I do not want that to Be The Thing! “Colleen recording from her Car”! So, I wanted to shake things up a little. I couldn’t record from my front stairs, as I have also done, because we were watering the grass that morning. So, back deck was plan C. I scrapped the first recording. On my second try, as soon as I started recording, my neighbor came out of his house (I live in the Chicago area and my back door is very close to my neighbor’s back door). So I adjusted. And then his dog – and I like my neighbors and the dog – started barking. And then there was a train a mile away that decided to blow its horn. A Lot.

You get the idea.

And this was a recording about focus. Life is just funny.

Sometimes I feel out of focus. I think we all do.

I could spend time dissecting WHY I lost focus. And that is important long term, I suppose. Personally, I am clear on WHY I was feeling unfocused last week. But for today’s purpose, I want to talk about how to find focus again, sharing basic tools to Find Focus and Fight Distraction.

First, we have to start with recognizing the lack of focus. Then, we can think about what to do about it!

When I teach productivity and time management, I mention that one of the most empowering things to know is that we ourselves can change and improve our situation for better productivity and satisfaction. Knowing there are adjustments that I can make helps me to feel better immediately!

So the topic of Focus, and what adjustments we can make when focus is lacking. Because I know for me, I can’t always force focus. And sometimes I try. Early in lockdown, it came to light that I talk to myself while I work from home. Often, to loudly tell myself to FOCUS! And yelling at me, forcing focus… doesn’t work.

Let’s look at what DOES work!

  • The first step, as it always is in coaching, is Awareness. In this case, awareness that you’re out of focus.
  • I have several check-in points in my days:
    • I can use times of transition – like leaving the house, or coming home, or leaving a client’s house or arriving at my next appointment; or
    • There are natural times, too, like getting up, getting out of the shower, transitioning from work day to family time, etc., and these are all great opportunities to check in on myself and my focus.
  • Many times a day, I do a Body Scan
    • If I am feeling unfocused, I can ask some easy questions and check in with me.
    • First question is, What needs need to be met?
      • Maybe I am STARVING! Yep, that can steal focus and cause distraction.
        • Blood sugar can dip, our brains (and bodies) need food and energy to function.
      • Maybe I am Thirsty.
      • I can check in on that body scan – is there anywhere that I am holding tension? Do I have pain or discomfort anywhere?
      • Am I too hot or too cold? I have to say, in summer, I often find myself unfocused because my office is REALLY HOT in the late afternoon and that makes me drowsy. So, I can pull the blinds, turn on a fan, move to a different area of the house, etc! If I’m aware!
      • Maybe it’s time to get up, stretch, take a nature break, etc!
  • Awareness, too – Here is something we don’t often realize that affects us: Our senses.
    • Working in a too dark or too light room can be distracting, even if we don’t realize it. So, check in!
    • Noises – more or less – yes, these matter, too!  Often, we have auditory distractions that are not consciously registering.  So, intentionally scan our selves and our surroundings can help us adjust our environment
  • Other tools we can use:
    • Breathwork:
      • Also in my time management classes, I teach basic breathwork.
      • I teach my participants square breathing – Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts and hold 4 counts. That’s IT! This can be a 30-60-90 second exercise – I usually call it a mini-vacation – where we concentrate just on our breath.
      • The re-focusing of our thoughts with the added bonus of an more oxygenated brain almost always helps me to refocus.
    • The Pomodoro Method for productivity,
      • The cycle of 25 minutes of work and 5 minutes of rest that we practice in my Finish Line Friday sessions is a tool I use ALL DAY EVERY DAY to get things done.
      • 25 minutes of work 5 minutes of break, and the reminders to re-focus, just in case I have gotten off track.
      • If we’re going to talk about rest, that leads me to the reminder of my recent podcast on rest and recovery. Check that out if you would like to know more.
    • Body Doubling:
      • If you find you’re feeling distracted, and lacking focus, by all means try some of these other tools as well, but also consider phoning or checking in w a friend via text, then open a zoom room or join a group!
      • You can change your location, too, to work near someone around you who IS focused. Since it’s back-to-school time, I think of a library.
      • In college, I would set up in the library and the entire space was dedicated to focus! Quiet, separate from personal distractions, just the work I needed to do in front of me, and other people around me who were seeking the same focused work! So consider what that looks like for you!
  • What does finding your focus look like to you? Consider these tools next time you feel the focus un-focusing!

Intention: Don’t Leave Important Things Up To Chance

I started composing this content in the car on the way to drop off my son at college.  We took two cars.  I lost the coin flip and had most of the stuff in my car, and my husband and our son were in the other.  And our two different GPS apps sent us two different ways, so we got same place by different routes, different expressways here in the Midwest, around the same time.  Which is good to know, as we’ve often debated which way is faster.

We flipped a coin so my son didn’t feel pressured to choose between my husband or I to ride with, and we didn’t have to feel bad if my son didn’t choose us.  But I digress.

I have a digital document where my editorial content lives.  All my ideas, bits of writings, a schedule outline for the next few months.  In preparation for the solo drive and the thinking time I would have as I drove, I looked at the first two pages of it.  I add new info at the top, and also have the schedule pinned there.  It’s a ridiculously long document, probably close to 50 pages if I printed it, and I will NOT.  Some day soon I need to just delete most of it since I’m shifting my thinking these days. 

But there was a single line at the top left over from the recent Never Be Late Again content, I suddenly realized that yes, that was today’s topic. Not leaving our day up to chance.

So, having left the topic seemingly up to chance, I am going to talk about NOT leaving our day up to chance.

The Sunday we took my son back to school, I spent my time staying out of my son’s way, first, and second, getting my newsletter ready to send out on Tuesday.

Because I did not want to leave the completion of that up to chance.  It’s important to me to publish my newsletter and podcast and I need to be intentional around those tasks to ensure they are completed.

Similarly, I was talking with the college student before he left.  Last year when he started college, he quickly learned that the nice people who cleaned the bathrooms on his dorm floor cleaned the bathroom right around the time he planned to shower so he could make his 9 am class on time.  So he adjusted to a different time.

He is in a different dorm this year, so he needs to learn the rhythm of the new dorm, and this semester’s schedule.  We discussed what time his first class is every day this semester.  So he can adjust. 

When you gain that new information, as soon as you gain that information, you have the opportunity to adjust, to incorporate that new information and, uh, make your day make more sense.  All of that really makes me think about this phrase that’s on my list, don’t leave your day up to chance.

He and I also talked about how every day is different, and they should be, but our routines don’t have to be.  My son mentioned he has friends who are very chaotic when it comes to their routines, and that makes him really anxious. He knows that that’s not for him, and I absolutely respect that because it’s not for me, either. 

So, we can create routines around routine needs and tasks, we can be intentional about the important things, and we can leave the questions, the mysteries, the variables, etc., for other times of the day. 

The point is, being Intentional is NOT not leaving your routines or important things up to chance.  That’s it. It’s being intentional with how you want to spend the first or last 20 minutes to 2 hours, whatever that looks like for you, how you want to spend that for yourself. And not leaving it up to chance, not leaving it up to whim, or how the rest of the world feels like you need to spend your day. Right?

So what does that look like?

I’ve been re-working my own morning routines the last few weeks, adding in some things that I’d like to achieve.  And this is NOT ME wanting to pack even more productivity in my morning. No, I actually want to pack more meditation and calm and journaling in my morning and having a little more room to breathe.  So it’s not just packing more things, tasks, expectations, responsibilities into our morning. It is being intentional with what is IMPORTANT. For me, that is intentionally balancing productivity with rest and recovery, which we explored in a recent podcast.

Not leaving your day up to chance means it’s your turn to choose. And what does that look like for you? If you know that something is important in your day (“Important” means, meets a need, helps you meet your goals, supports what it is that you want to achieve), don’t leave it up to chance, to “Well, I’ll get to it if I get to it.”

So back to my original case study.  The most important thing that I could do on move-in day was to successfully get my son to school feeling supported, excited, capable, energized, whatever that looks like for him. And so what that looked like for us was, in the weeks leading up to move-in day, to check in regularly in the packing process to make sure he had what he needed. A successful transition was NOT going to happen by chance.

He did the work himself, because it is his work to do and he’s awesome. But I did things, too, to not leave success up to chance. My husband and I both independently filled the gas tanks the day before. I love that. We both did not want to leave success up to chance.

And in the midst of making sure that he had everything he needed, to not leave the important things up to chance, I made sure, because my next two days are going to be extremely busy supporting loved ones, that my important tasks also weren’t left up to chance.  I made sure to get my newsletter out on time, which is very important to me for lots of reasons. I hit “send” on that 48 hours in advance because it’s important.  I also started to think about the next day, when I would be back on the road again to help with a different loved one with a move in Michigan. I’d like to think all will be well, but that depends on many variables – weather, traffic, ease of move-in, that I don’t have control over!  And I’ll be ready to adjust, that’s fine.  Because I was intentional and completed the other important tasks already.

Another example to make my point: Years ago, a client said she was waiting for the day when she would wake up, spring out of bed and feel motivated and ready to organize, just spontaneously. She expected that she would wake up one day, and that was going to be her reality.  AND she was going to wait until that magic day came. But that day had NOT happened in 50 some years. I challenged her to say, if it has never happened before, are you sure that it is going to happen? And is organizing something you should leave up to chance?  This was somebody who had reached out to me because it was important for her to get organized, enough so to call somebody to find support. And I absolutely respect that. However, I wouldn’t want her to base future progress on the motivated morning that may or may not magically happen. The stars would align, the right combination of mood and energy and sleep and opportunity in the day, and suddenly, poof.  And I would challenge all of us to NOT use this way to strategize.

There are facets of our lives that are very important. And once we have established what those are, what those Focus Areas, people, relationships, situations, skill building, what it is in our life that’s important, we don’t leave those things up to chance.

I’m not saying that there can’t be flexibility. There MUST be flexibility, it’s not optional.  But if there’s something that you deem to be important, again, whatever that means to you, then don’t leave it up to chance. Do what you can to make that thing happen. And, I’m not saying it has to happen all at once. But we can’t wait for the perfect opportunity to happen before we act because that is unlikely to yield the results we are seeking. We have to DO the actions and recognize the important things that need done, and not leave important things up to chance.

The Importance of Rest and Recovery

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I am not an expert on Rest and Recovery (strong start, I know!). I wish I was, but I’m not.  But I am an expert in time management and productivity, and Rest and Recovery are definitely part of Time Management and Productivity.

As a coach, I have conversations with my clients about Rest and Recovery because they are the experts about themselves and together we can have a conversation about what they want. We can set intentions and make plans, based on what they need to flourish in life.

It’s interesting to me – I sat down to write this on a Sunday afternoon, and suddenly got so sleepy that I just wanted to take a little nap! And the best part is that, since it’s Sunday, I could and I did!

Today I want to talk about Rest and Recovery. And I want to tell you about my herb garden.

We have been in and out of town these last few weeks.  And still my garden grew.  I didn’t do anything to it (other than water it), or ask anything of it, but it still grew.

And, I think perhaps BECAUSE I ignored it and let it be and just do its thing, It Grew. 

Also interesting, the topic of “Rest and Recovery” has been an intended topic on my editorial content calendar for me for a month or two, but I have been too busy or had too many other things to talk about, to make time for it.

A few weeks ago, I mentioned that we can ask ourselves the question of “what would help us the most”, what can you do to help Future You the most. And sometimes the answer is “rest and recovery”.

When I started thinking about this topic, I came across this quote by Stacie Swift,

“Sometimes the reason everything feels too much is because it is. You’re only one lovely person who can only do and give so much. Be Kind to Yourself.” 

Relatedly, what is your phone battery life at this moment?  (Ha, just plugged mine in, when I thought to ask that.  It was at 39%.) I always start the day fully charged, but some days I can plow through most of the charge before the end of the day. 

And have you noticed? Once you know your phone battery is below a certain percent, you start to feel the pinch. You and I, we change our behavior, knowing that our battery life is limited.  We opt to not do things on our phone, perhaps we change the screen brightness or make other adjustments.  And we might obsess over when we can get it plugged in again. 

Because we don’t want to be caught at 8% and then really need to do something important.

I have a charging cord next to my desk that fits all three of my apple devices (airpods, phone and Ipad).  Once my phone is charged up again, I will plug in my Ipad (73%, read a book and did some streaming before I fell asleep last night.) I have habits around plugging in and recharging my devices, and also my self.

The past few months, I have spent a lot of time talking about what “Ready” looks like, how to be and feel ready for whatever life might throw our way. And that includes our own energy and self.

I am an active person, enthusiastic and full of movement.  But that energy has to come from somewhere and so I need to rest and recover. And regardless of what Your baseline is, I guarantee that you also need in your life to have regular sessions to rest and recover to survive, to maintain your usual daily life and to move ahead with whatever it is that you want to move ahead with.

Perhaps it is a sign of aging, but I cannot push my limits of energy and focus as far as I used to be able to.  I would prefer to think this is a sign of wisdom, but it could just be necessity! 

We can push and push and push for a while, with only a few negative effects. But the precursor to not feeling well is to feel run down, and we can’t ignore either feeling.

Opting out of recovery no longer works for me or is sustainable, and actually is a recipe for disaster.  Eventually, stress and fatigue and the effects of them come out, bidden or unbidden.

I liked this quote from @MegDurham_ on Insta,

“If you don’t want to burn out, stop living life like you’re on fire.”

I have never been good at taking it easy, and that is not actually what I am advocating for, unless you’d like to – and then go for it! What I have gotten better at is Regular Maintenance, including

  • Good sleep,
  • adequate hydration,
  • healthier food choices,
  • supplementation,
  • meditation,
  • choosing quiet time instead of interactions, and  
  • better scheduling (though I still stumble and even fall in this area sometime).

Let’s think about three kinds of energy: physical and mental and emotional energy (I guess this is my day to quote thought leaders, because I was reminded of these three kinds of energy by Brendon Bouchard on a recent podcast I listened to). And when I think about Rest and Recovery, it’s not just about energy – our bodies actually require time to mend.

I don’t usually like to talk about the negative, but we have to know this for ourselves: What is it that drains your battery?  I’ll share mine:

  • Worry / Concern.  When my kids are going through something big, I am going through it, too (whether they know it or not.)  OR when my mom or another loved one is in the hospital, that is a steady low-level drain of worry.  Jumping every time the phone rings, hypervigilance, analyzing details, communication, etc.
  • Energy vampires: yes that is really a thing. I bring positive energy with me, and some folks count on that positive energy, and that’s ok.  But some folks take more than I have to give.  In addition, I am an empathetic person and may take on the emotions of others in my environment if I am not careful. 
  • I mentioned in my recent hiking article and podcast that Rest and Recovery after major hikes MUST happen if I expect my body to continue to move.
  • Life! I have a family to love and a home to manage. I work full time plus add in the occasional singing gig; I volunteer for my Parish in ministries; I serve on our local School Board.  That is a lot, and I wouldn’t change a thing, but yes – I get tired!
  • This week, I encourage you to look around your life and determine where those energy leaks may be – the slow trickles and the big gushes!

And what do Rest and Recovery look like for you?  I use myself as an example a lot, because then I don’t have to change names or ask permission.  For me, Rest and Recovery look like….

  • A break from whatever my current exertion is, physical exercise, mental work, emotional overload.
    • It can be 30 seconds, it can be 5 minutes, it can be a day a week or a month.  But it is NOT optional.  When we try to make it optional and still push the limits, burnout or illness may occur.
  • Checking in with myself physically, mentally or emotionally, several times a day and determining what I might need in that moment to take care of me.
  • Adjusting my pace, either physically slowing down or taking a few moments to collect myself.
  • Actual interventions like food, water, rest, sleep, square breathing or actual meditation if I have more time;
  • Awareness for yourself if you are an extrovert (you find energy in interacting with other people), an introvert (you find energy from being along), or an ambivert (how you find energy changes between needing to be around others and needing to be alone), and acting accordingly.

This week, let me advocate for you and for me, and remind us all that Rest and Recovery are not just a really good idea, they are actually essential ingredients for our well-being. We can set the intention to acknowledge that Rest and Recovery time matter, we can be aware of how we are feeling, and we can make efforts to take care of ourselves.