Tag: NAPO-Chicago

Eliminate Brain Clutter With A Cranial Cleanse

In a recent Finish Line Friday session, one of my regular participants mentioned she was working on “The Smalls” during our time together.  She explained that it was the end of a very busy week.  She had been home long enough between events and appointments to make piles but not to put away the piles. She said “Every room had a pile of smalls.”

And the other participants nodded understandingly because we’ve all been there.  Regularly!

That always makes me smile. Not because someone is struggling, but because most of us understand what “The Smalls” means.

And because the words  – The Smalls – sound funny to me and many people express frustration about The Smalls, in sometimes passionate and colorful language! For example, I have another friend and client who, when I ask her what we’re working on today, will occasionally say “The Smalls, Coll!  It’s The Smalls!” with perhaps some frustration and colorful words!

Here’s the thing:

The Smalls can be physical things in our spaces.

They can be a jumble of papers on the kitchen counter, the pile of Lego bits, Barbie shoes and puzzle pieces at the bottom of a bin of toys, or the contents of an everything drawer in the kitchen. (I personally don’t call them junk drawers, because if you call it a junk drawer, guess what ends up inside?)  If the person I mentioned in my first example is like me, the smalls in every room that she mentioned are bag contents from meetings and events, random clothing items or shoes at the back door that have been cycled through and now need to be put away, neglected amazon boxes and mail at the front door, etc.

Bear in mind, none of these items is technically clutter.  They are all things we obviously need, use or love – they just need tended to.

But they pile and they distract and they call out to us for attention and energy.

Which leads me to – The Smalls can be thoughts and ideas in our brains.

“Small” doesn’t indicate importance, or in the definition of “small”, perhaps un-importance, but instead their size.  “The Smalls” means that SO MANY MORE can fit in a space.  Like I have 100 ideas or to-dos or tasks in my brain and they’re all crammed in there making each look small. And they’re all clamoring to get out!

Some of the challenges with The Smalls, either on the kitchen counter or in our brain:

  • There are MANY.
  • They aren’t just clutter.  They are likely important and require care and attention.
  • Right now, they are unsorted and un-categorized.
  • They are not prioritized in order of importance.
  • We believe that the small are important.  And we don’t want them to get lost.
  • We fear The Smalls will get lost.  We fear that brilliant blog post idea that just came to us will disappear, then we worry about that so long that it does disappear, or we forget other things while we spend mental energy on trying to REMEMBER EVERYTHING!
  • The Smalls DO get lost, and then we forget appointments, emergencies happen, feelings are hurt, etc.

Another regular participant in my Finish Lind Friday productivity sessions has used great imagery when we talk about what we plan to accomplish that day.

Imagine a room full of helium balloons with strings attached.

Now, gesture with your hands to collect those strings.  That is what she is often working on, on a Friday. Gathering loose ends, she calls it, with that gesture. Gathering them together.

And a coaching client, in our time working together, even created her own Loose Ends List, to collect The Smalls and all the other ideas / thoughts / tasks that occur to her and then require completion.

I want to applaud all four people that I have mentioned – they identify The Smalls, they identified the need to consistently collect The Smalls, and they have habits and ways to collect and deal with them.

Two Big Ideas this week.

In the interest of writing this article this week, I opened up my copy of “Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity” by David Allen, thinking I needed to re-read it to write this article. And I am … proud? Relieved? Yes, those feelings and more, to find out that since I read this book many years ago, I implemented and am still doing many of the things he talks about (and he talks about them clearly and concisely and the book is totally worth the read.) And I can do better, and I will share more about this book and his process in future podcasts and articles.

First big idea, this is a great book, check it out (and I mean, actually check it out of your local library – no need to buy it!).

To get started, though, in Getting Things Done, David Allen talks about collection. How first, we need to COLLECT all the thoughts and ideas in our head and get them out of our head and into a more user friendly, time specific, prioritized form.  He mentioned, among other things, a Mind Sweep.

Others call it a Brain dump, though I find that an inelegant phrase. My friend Jen recommended Cranial Cleanse when I asked my community for a better term for Brain Dump.

Whatever we call it, Mind Sweep or Cranial cleanse, it is a great place to start.

And it requires a place to put the collected items. For me, that means my Bullet Journal first, to collect items.  Then I insert them into my master to – do list to prioritize and take action.

But let’s talk about the collecting. I no longer do a cranial cleanse like David Allen recommends, as in, an event, because it is a constant process for me – I am ALWAYS doing a cranial cleanse.

For example, when I am working or out running errands, thoughts occur to me, like an idea or a task that needs completed, and I quickly jot it down.

Because…

Have You Noticed? Another problem is that very often a thought or idea or task occurs to us at a moment when we do not have time to act on it.

This

Happens

To

Me

All

The

Time.

I have noticed that certain events generate more thoughts and ideas.  For example, when I am driving.

When driving, my brain is focused on driving but also open to outside stimuli (which is a good thing while driving), subsequently ideas often come to me while I drive.  OR while I cook, or while I’m in the shower.

This goes back to the recent podcast and newsletter that talks about If I Don’t Write It Down, It Doesn’t Exist. 

The other side of that is, If I don’t capture and collect the ideas when they occur, they continue to float around in my brain with nowhere to go, and that makes things very crowded up there with all The Smalls! 

My suggestion, then, for all of this week – the Second Big Idea – is to have a trusted place to collect the ideas and cultivate a habit of collecting them.

I love my Bullet Journal, and that will be a live webinar sometime soon to look at how to make Bullet Journaling happen for you – but the take away is that I have ONE PLACE to write things down. 

It goes with me everywhere.

It is always ready to collect the ideas and safely hold on to them. To get all The Smalls out of my brain so there is room and space to actually get some work done.

And then I have the regular daily habit of reviewing those ideas, prioritizing and activating those ideas and putting them into  my master-to-do list or on the calendar, etc.

We can’t avoid The Smalls, and really, we don’t want to.  The Smalls are where it’s at, sometimes!  The genius is in The Smalls!  But not when all of the Smalls are cramped together in our brain. 

We need the habit of moving The Smalls out of our brain and into a trusted collector. And then the habit of prioritizing and acting on them, too!  This is how we get things done.

Everything? Sure, But Not All At Once!

I was chatting with one of my Finish Line Friday participants last week before everyone else arrived in my zoom room. Not surprisingly, we were talking about goal setting for the new year. I said out loud, as a reminder to her and to me, that “2024 is 12 Months Long.”

Meaning, we have a lot of time and opportunity to make positive change and we don’t have to stuff everything into the first week.

And that really resonated with her.

Because, of course, every year is 12 months long. January, even when we try to pack all sorts of new habits and change in, is 31 days long. No more, no less.

Some years, we start out strong and believe that we need to change EVERYTHING ALL AT ONCE when the new year begins. And we set our selves up for failure or major anxiety when we think that way. Instead, let’s consider pacing ourselves.

On the other hand, I had grand plans for EVERYTHING at once when it comes to strategic planning in January.

6 weeks ago, I made sure to block out time on the calendar last week and this week for hours of strategic planning time to work on my editorial calendar, get ahead on my writing and plan my year in detail. And… as is often the case when it comes to big-picture strategic planning, more urgent issues squeezed into the space instead.

This is not to say that I am not planning strategically for the year this week. It IS to say, that I am using smaller pieces of time to do the planning. And as an aside, I will block MORE time at the end of 2024 and beginning of 2025 to ensure some sacred space for planning!

The balance seems to be, then – Everything? Sure. But NOT ALL AT ONCE!

Here goes – this week, I am working on the Qs.

I use a Bullet Journal. I have mentioned it in past podcasts and videos, but I haven’t delved too deeply. And I feel that it is time to delve deeply!

And one of the features for the Bullet Journal is called a Future Log. As we set up our Bullet Journals, we start with a few index pages (a topic for another day), and then we set up our Future Log.

I, like many others, break my year into quarters. Quarter 1 is January, February and March, Quarter 2 is April, May and June, etc.

This year on my future log so far, I have:

  • Q1, a procedure in February
  • Q1, coaching certification to complete by March 1
  • Q1, Liturgy planning for Easter on March 31
  • Q2, a wedding in Maryland
  • Q3, family vacation
  • Q3, moving my son to his college apartment
  • Q3, a trip to Massachusetts

There are also doctor appointments, presentations, client appointments and board meetings on the calendar for 2024. But those are typical items and don’t need to be in the Future Log. The Future Log and the Qs are for tracking big projects.

Working with quarters helps my brain every day.

Some of us stumble into all or nothing thinking, and that sort of thinking can disrupt our reason, our logic, our productivity and our peace.

With the Q’s and the future log, I have a consistent and reliable place to park ideas that are AMAZING but that do not need to be worked into today’s plan or this week’s, or even this month.

Yesterday, I had a meeting with my social media manager. We are working on a big launch for Q1, but then she asked (without knowing what this week’s topic was going to be) if we could look at Q2 and beyond as well. YES!!

We don’t want to lose track of the good ideas we have, but now or even this quarter may not be the time to tackle them.

I have a big project for a professional organization I am affiliated with that will take time in Q1 and Q2, so any other big projects will need to be planned for Q3 or Q4.

I also look back at last year’s Q’s, the plan for each quarter and also the list of things I completed. And I can learn from that, as I plot my Qs for this year as I look ahead. For example,

  • Last year, especially in the second and third quarters, I was helping my mom downsize and move to her new very cute apartment. I will not need to do that this year, as she is already settled. More importantly, my son and his wife got married the end of September! Amazing, but also not something I need to plan for again this year!
  • On the other hand, also 3rd quarter last year, we spent a lot of time with one of my sons and his friends at the lake, and that was awesome, so I should make note now on my planning for July to spend weekends with them, if they’d like.

We can zoom out from the day-to-day or even week-to-week planning, and look at our year in broader strokes or as a bigger picture. We can pair up what we want to accomplish this year with the time that we have available. We can cut ourselves some slack and recognize that we can accomplish great things AND not wear ourselves out and doom our goals before we even begin by pacing our work and our energy for the longer term.

We can let our ideas flourish by giving them a resting place until we are ready to act on them.

Consider your 2024 Qs this week and this month, and set yourself up to succeed in 2024!

Let’s Get To Know “Time Blocking”

I am writing this content on December 26th to be published the first week of January.

I have high hopes for getting some tasks done today while also staying in my jammies and eating Christmas cookies. ( So far so good.)

At 6:30 am, I opened up my laptop and my task-list, after a very busy 4 days of wonderful Christmas revelry. 

Those days really were wonderful.  We celebrated with friends and family in multiple states.  I am so blessed.  I have so many amazing people in my life.  So very blessed.

And now, today I need to make progress on some neglected tasks.  Two professional tasks specifically, writing this podcast content and working the infrastructure for my subscription service. I need to send out emails for two different ministries that I run, and I need to get my house back to normal before more houseguests arrive tomorrow.

At 6:30 am with my first cup of coffee, I had identified those are my Focus Areas today. Then, I looked at my schedule for the day. I realized that with the people sleeping in my house right now, that house tasks and making noise should probably be an afternoon and evening endeavor.

I need to head to the grocery or place a grocery order, but that entails tidying the fridge and freezer and asking questions of the still sleeping family members, so this too is relegated until after noon.

The professional tasks are more time specific anyway, with two appointments with my assistant and my podcast producer this morning.

I looked at the transcription service that I use to turn my road-trip recordings into text so that I can edit it and publish articles.  And it isn’t working.  And I was less than excited about the topic I had chosen for today anyway.

So when I checked in on my editorial content calendar, I re-committed to my plan to talk about Tools in the Productivity Tool Box in January. 

And I moved my meeting with my social media guru to tomorrow to focus on writing podcast content this morning.

In doing all of those things, realized, that since I am using Time Blocking to make things happen for myself today, I should write about it for all of us!

Time Blocking = Batch Work = Time Chunking

Time Blocking is looking at the time we have in our day and our week not as just a blank white canvas, but instead, as opportunity divvied up into bite size pieces.

It is assigning important work that needs done today and this week to the time we have, instead of hoping that we can cram it all in without a plan to make that happen. It lets our brain work on one topic or category at a time. Because, my friend, multi-tasking is a myth. 

All projects are comprised of a series of smaller projects.

I can realize some flow and economies of scale when I work on similar tasks at the same time.  When I work on my bookkeeping tasks, I open Quicken, my client hours spreadsheet and PayPal.com, and I can toggle between those three to get things done.

Another great thing about time blocking is that it dictates what we ARE NOT working on right now. I find this very important.  It would be soooo easy to get off track, react to an email, start on a personal or house project and disregard my time blocking and tasks lists!

Time blocking creates urgency within the block, a series of mini-deadlines throughout my day, which helps me to stay productive. For example, today, with it being a holiday week, it is a less structured day with fewer actual appointments, but time blocking helps me to make appointments with myself.

I didn’t realize that other people don’t work this way. I definitely credit my use of this strategy to being a business owner, and working my own professional and personal tasks in around client appointments.

For example, on a given Thursday,

  • One client appointment is in-person from 8:30 am – 11 am and is a 10 minute drive from my home.
  • Then I have a short break for my drive home and some lunch, then I have three virtual client coaching appointments from noon to 3.
  • Those are my paid working hours for that Thursday.  And the time I spend with my clients is focused solely on that client.  
  • In addition to my client hours, however, I also have MY work. 
  • I chose Thursday as an example, because on Thursday, I take care of bookkeeping tasks and Speaking Engagement tasks.

Realistically my schedule for that Thursday could look like this:

  • 6 – 7 am Personal Block: Morning routine, prayer, exercise, shower and get ready
  • 7 – 7:20 am Maintenance Block: make my bed, wipe down the bathroom, start laundry, tidy kitchen while taking my vitamins, making coffee and my lunch
  • 7:20 – 8 am Admin Block: checking email, texts and my social media accounts before I leave
  • 8 – 8:30 am Load up my self and driving to my client
  • 8:30 -11 am Work with client
  • 11 – Noon, drive home, eat lunch, check in on texts and emails, take a brain break
  • Noon-3, 3 hours of coaching calls. This is my paid time, services delivered, billable hours
  • 3 – 3:15 pm Take a break break, grab a snack. Then I start MY WORK:
  • 3:15- 4 pm MONEY / Bookkeeping: Look at work log, send out invoices, update quicken for deposits and spending, create invoices for upcoming speaking gigs and send those out via email
  • 4 – 4:30 pm  Speaking:  Send out emails to site coordinators to confirm upcoming events, share upcoming events on my social media accounts
  • 4:30 – 6 pm Speaking: work on new presentation content, power point presentation and handouts.

There will probably be a little more work later, too, but that may be personal in nature at my laptop, like reading articles of interest, meal planning.

What I just did there was time blocking, or time chunking. I pair up the high priority tasks that I need to accomplish today with the available time I have to complete them.

The first step of Time Blocking is more than just the first step of Time Blocking. And I say that with a smile.  Time Blocking is a great tool to get things done, AND it requires some ground work that we have already covered in my articles, podcasts and newsletters

The ground work for time blocking is:

  • to review our calendar for the day and the week;
  • planning, and also flexibility in planning;
  • to prioritize our important work; and
  • to know our focus areas and what is important to us.
  • Time blocking requires, but also helps us create realistic time estimates – knowing how long our tasks actually take.
  • If I am struggling with overwhelm or with prioritizing, I may go so far as to assign 5 minute increments to the tasks on my to-do list, to determine if I can feasibly tackle the tasks in the block that I have assigned them to. Time blocking requires but also fosters the understanding that all projects are comprised of a series of smaller projects.

To Review, Time Blocking helps us get more done. More importantly, it helps us get our high priority work done. We start with looking at our day and week and at our high priority tasks. We group those high priority tasks into batches with similar themes, we assign those tasks to the time you have available this week. And if you’re currently saying – I have NO TIME to work on my high priority tasks this week, then it is time to be flexible!

Give Time Blocking a try!

Truth? Some Things Don’t Get Done, And That’s OK.

Hello, friends. It’s mid-December. 

I ran into a friend at Costco. If you live anywhere near me, you recognize that as a loaded statement. My Costco is a solid 32 minute drive from my house, so one does not embark on this adventure lightly.

Second, it was a Sunday in December, midday. I know. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but I was doubting my sanity as soon as I pulled into the parking lot. Of course it was packed.  So, crowded yes, but everyone was actually very pleasant.

My friend and I were both parked on the outskirts of the parking lot. As we walked to the entrance, we discussed an upcoming event we are both volunteering for, for our school district (her much more than me!). And she was kind enough to say, she just doesn’t know how I get it all done, considering all the things I’m involved in. And I marvel at her and her productivity in the same way.

I appreciate her, though, for seeing me in a good light.  As in, ‘look at all the different things you’re involved in and the different ways you serve our community, and that you get things done’. Because I got to tell you, friends, I do not always feel like I’ve got it all together.

And this is coming from a professional organizer and organizational coach!

So here’s the deal. I say yes to a lot of things. I successfully manage many responsibilities. I do. And that is a source of pride and it makes me happy to do these things. I absolutely love all the different organizations and activities and ministries that I’m involved in. And even when I don’t, it’s not that I don’t love the things, it’s that too many tasks are coming due at the same time period.

Yeah, that is definitely the truth.

So, I was writing a much different article for today about prioritization and focus areas, about triaging the to do list and starting the January list. And all of that is still true.

But I want to answer my friend’s question honestly, when she asks “How do you get it all done?”

First, the short answer is, sometimes I don’t.

More fully, the answer is, I ruthlessly prioritize, because saying yes to many things means I can’t also say yes to other things. And I know that. So there are opportunities that might come my way that I have to say no to, because I do not have the time or energy to dedicate to that task or responsibility to do it well.

I’m not saying I don’t have time and energy. I have boundless energy most days and the same amount of time that each of us has. But because I have multiple responsibilities, I can’t always say yes to new things.

And that’s frustrating for me, I know. But the other part of that, especially this time of year, is the ruthless prioritization. I’ve already said yes to many things, and so now I need to figure out how to make it all happen. And that is where prioritization comes in.

If you and your December are anything like me and mine, the to-do list might be looking a little long right now.

It is likely time to triage that to-do list.  This week, let’s clear the clutter from our to-do lists and brains!

Easier said than done,  I know. But to make sure we are getting things done that need to get done, it’s time to ruthlessly prioritize what must be done this month, and also start the list for January and 2024!

That was a long introduction to this week’s topic, how to ruthlessly prioritize the To-Do List!

This morning, I was applying the Eisenhower box to my to-do list – remember that tool?  The podcast episode was early on, go back and check it out if you need a refresher! Eisenhower filtered tasks through the Important vs. Non-Important and Urgent vs Non-Urgent lenses.

And we’re going to do this in reverse:

Delete:

Instead of starting with important and urgent, let’s look at the list and get rid of anything that can be deleted immediately. Things like events you don’t have the time or inclination to attend this month (A “No, Thank You” is a full sentence!), a moratorium on facebook or instagram scrolling for a few days, etc.

Delegate:

After deleting the clutter, let’s look to Delegate.  In the Eisenhower box, there are tasks that are deemed urgent but not important, as in it’s not important that I be the one to complete them. Consider what someone else could do for you.  And let them do it.

We’re hosting Christmas for my family in Michigan on December 23.  And I will be outsourcing many menu items.  Unlike Thanksgiving for 20, I am not attached to making every menu item from scratch, etc. 

If you have house specific tasks, can you hire a service?  barter for time?  rent a teenager or college student?

Perhaps it is work specific, and I am terrible at this one, but I’m working in it!  Is there anyone else on the team with less on their plate that could pick up tasks? And for me, Delegation also looks like NOT saying yes to more tasks, and letting others step up instead.

Decide / Defer:

Next up is the Defer step.  Tasks that are deemed important but not urgent are on the Defer list.

A few weeks back in an episode, I mentioned a January list. There are likely items on your task list that are important but they are not yet time specific.  So, in the interest of getting  the things that MUST be done, done lets look at what we can put off for a bit.

Routine doctor appointments, house projects not related to Christmas, non -holiday related errands – yep, those can all be turfed to January at this point.

As I think about this, I have “find a landscaper” on my to-do list.  And guess what?  That does not need to happen until at least February!  To be honest, I always have a running house project list, and I have to say – if there is a task on there that is not about the holidays, then we can move it to the January to-do list.

Some of my clients will defer organizing until January. Starting early in November, I typically have clients who ask for me to check in with them in January to book our next coaching or organizing session because they know their December is Full.

Medical appointments can also be booked January or into 2024.  Booking regular maintenance appointments is important, as in the fact that they are booked, but perhaps they don’t occur for a few months.  Just getting them on the calendar and then off your to-do list is the point!

Maybe events with friends or family, and now the December schedule is just packed – January could work!  And it would give us something to look forward to in the colder post-holiday glow months!

AND now – Do!  Important AND Urgent!

Now I know that the tasks on my list are things only I can do and that are time specific and therefore urgent. That also means that there are other things that won’t get done today, and I have to accept that. I can give myself grace, cut myself some slack, and assign those tasks to other times this week so they actually get done on time. That’s the way this works.

Ask yourself, “What are things that only I can do?” If we’re feeling strapped, we can start with doing the things that only we can do. As you’re looking at that To-Do list and it’s time to clear some clutter, I also want you to ask the question of  “What Can Only I do?”

I taught my Organize Your Holidays presentation this past week to a lovely group of parents, and we talked about doing all the things… unless they didn’t really feel the need.  For example, do we have to freak ourselves out and spend many hours super-cleaning our home to host guests, or can we relax a little and just host the guests in a clean-enough home?

I really love to bake cookies, but maybe you don’t.  And that’s ok. Sending out Christmas cards is a choice, and maybe you don’t choose to. And that’s ok, too.

There are many tasks I loaded onto this coming weekend after not getting them accomplished this past weekend, because we did so many other wonderful things this past weekend. There are many tasks that I’ve already turfed to January.

WE can delegate tasks that can be done by others.  We can skip the un-important “shoulds” we feel from others and focus on our own traditions. 

We can get things done, AND we can be OK with not getting things done, too. Let’s look at ourselves through kinder eyes, like the eyes and perception of my friend. Be a friend to yourself this week!

Positive Self Talk Changes Your Life In A Good Way!

Did you know?  Statistically speaking, the person you speak to most in your day is… Yourself.

Let’s say, when you’re in your car alone for extended periods of time, you may discover you have a tendency to talk to yourself. (Ok, maybe that’s just me.) For example, I recorded the content of this article on a late night solo drive home from seeing my son in a show in Indiana.

I know I have a tendency to talk to myself. A funny thing, early in lockdown when we were suddenly 5 people in the house together ALL THE TIME, my husband asked me about the conversations I was having with myself!

Do you talk to yourself? (The answer is likely “Yes”, whether out loud or just in your head). And more importantly, what do you say?

Today I want to talk about the importance of positive self talk.

We all learn in different ways. We have ways of processing, learning, organizing. In coaching we refer to these as processing modalities. The 4 most commonly discussed are seeing or visual learners, doing or kinesthetic learners, hearing or auditory learners, and speaking, or verbal learners. And we’re all a blend of all of those. Someone who learns by speaking out loud is called a verbal learner or a verbal processor.

A strength of mine is to verbally process. I am a paid, professional speaker, and a professional cantor, which means I get paid to sing. I enjoy podcasting, and writing articles and sending out a newsletter to my community for the last 15 years. Obviously, verbal processing and communicating for me is a strength. I learn things as I hear myself say them out loud. If you aren’t a verbal processor, it’s possible that you don’t understand what I was just talking about. But if you are a verbal processor or know one!, you will know exactly what I’m talking about when I say that.

What we say matters, and what we hear ourselves say matters.

Imagine with me: I was working with a client a few weeks ago. She is such a treasure, just delightful. My client is a verbal processor, and she was talking to me because I was in the space with her, but mostly she was thinking out loud – verbally processing – as we worked on organizing and clearing clutter in her space.

She was thinking out loud, verbalizing what was going on in her mind. She was doing a great job. She was asking herself really good questions. Do I need this? How can I set this space up best? And she was open to questions from me, as well, to help her through the process. She knew the questions to ask herself, and we held space together for her to work through those, with support if she wanted to talk things out a little more. (That is one of the beauties of coaching, so awesome).

She was thinking out loud and at one point got frustrated with herself and started to say more negative things.

And

then

she

stopped.

She stopped, and realized what she was doing and shifted to saying beautiful, loving and kind things to herself instead. And I was there to witness this beautiful habit.

Our self talk tends to trend negative. Too often, my inner monologue can trend to “Colleen, what is wrong with you? How could you let it get to this?” I think that can happen to all of us.

And we can say out loud that that’s not helpful. As a coach, well, really as a fellow human being, I would never ask you those questions because first of all, they’re mean. And secondly, they’re wrong.

I admired her awareness that the negative self talk was happening. I admired that she know that negative self talk was not a good and healthy habit. And SHE CHANGED HER BEHAVIOR!

Just like my client, when our self talk turns negative, we need to be aware that it’s happening, know that we need to change and then make the change!

Our negative self-talk is often a product of other messages we receive, from society or a teacher in 2nd grade or a sharp-tongued loved one as we grew up. And we can start believing it, even when we know the messages are not helpful and maybe even wrong. Whether it’s right or wrong, true or not true to us, the repetition can make us us start to believe it.

There is good news, though! I am here to share that the opposite is true, too. My client changed her inner soundtrack to positive self talk. So can you. And so can I.

BECAUSE HAVING A POSITIVE INTERNAL SOUNDTRACK CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE IN A GOOD WAY!

We need to shift our inner monologue, our personal narrative, our self talk. If we tell ourselves over and over, silently or out loud, that we are too busy and too stressed and the week is a total mess at 7 am on Monday, then – well – that is what we will believe. Except that is not helpful and that is not true.

Let’s shift that self talk. We need to be positive with ourselves because some times the world is harsh enough. Right? We don’t need anybody else telling us that it’s a hard life or a hard day, etc. We already know that. We don’t need to say it because it just reinforces the negative. I am not suggesting to lie to ourselves or ignore the obvious, but we can be our own best friend, our own biggest fan and cheerleader, and set ourselves up to succeed.

Every morning, I say out loud my “I Am Statements”. I start my day with positive self talk. And if I say them out loud but still are not feeling positive, I say them all again! Here’s what I say:

  • “I am stronger,
  • I am worthy,
  • I am wealthy,
  • I am loved,
  • I am vibrant,
  • I am wise,
  • I am beautiful,
  • I am smart,
  • I am kind,
  • I am patient,
  • I am generous,
  • I am successful,
  • I am healthy,
  • I am humble,
  • I am grateful,
  • I am brave,
  • I am blessed,
  • I am a blessing,
  • I am forgiving,
  • I am committed to growth,
  • I am a learner,
  • I am a builder,
  • I am committed to being my best self,
  • I am a Child of God.”

What do you want someone to say to you? Be that supportive person for yourself!

What can you say to yourself every day, to make your day and outlook more positive?

How can you be kind to yourself?

Make your list! Make it as long or as short as you want! (Check out Pinterest or Instagram if you need inspiration!!!)

I was speaking with a coaching client a few weeks ago. She has been working through some really difficult tasks over the past few months and I am so proud and happy for her and her progress. But much more importantly, SHE is proud of herself for doing difficult things and is happy with her progress. And she said, as we were discussing her positive self talk, “There are some things I have to say out loud.  Just thinking them isn’t loud enough.” Isn’t that awesome? The good stuff can’t be kept inside – just thinking them isn’t loud enough, they need to be said out loud!

Let’s say the good stuff out loud!!

We Never Really Have to Start From Scratch!

We Never Really Have to Start From Scratch! We don’t have to start over.

Do future you a favor. Take notes. And refer back to them.

I was inspired to write about today’s topic by a recent experience. Of course, because that is usually what inspires me!

Let me set it up for you:

One Saturday morning every other month, a group of parishioners from my Parish assemble 150 bag lunches for a local charitable organization to distribute to their community. That Saturday in November was a few weeks ago.

My friend Kristen organizes the service project every time.  This was our 4th morning so far, we started back in May.  We have added people from month to month, and occasionally one of the regulars can’t attend, but there is typically a team of 10 or so adults and some students seeking service hours. 

We are learning, and we get better at the process every month, every time we do it, which is great. And one of the reasons we get better at it is we don’t start from scratch every time, because, honestly, why should we?

Why shouldn’t we learn from every experience? And yes, we can learn from every experience, but also importantly, we need to remember what we learn.

In addition to learning from the experience, we also need to retain or review or make a note of that.

And here’s the deal – if we do something… occasionally… it’s not yet a habit or a routine.

How often we do something and in what time interval are two factors that impact how much we remember from time to time.  If we don’t necessarily remember all the details every time, that’s okay, because sometimes we don’t, and that’s all right. But we can learn from our experiences and get better at doing things!

In my productivity presentations, I mention recipes, and I’m not talking my corn casserole recipe, even though its Thanksgiving time, even though I have no problem sharing that. I mean, recipes as in a path for future you to take. 

In my presentations, I mention those complex tasks we occasionally complete. Often enough to want to get good at it, but not often enough that it’s become natural or a habit.  The example I use in my class is balancing my company’s monthly banking statements.

When I switched my banking years ago, I connected a credit card to my account for purchases.  My banking and bookkeeping are very simple processes now that they are well established, but when I first made the switch, I would stumble from month to month – log into the banking website from my browser or connect Quicken from the quicken platform?  Make a note in quicken regarding paying my credit card bill from my spending account, or pay the bill first and then update the transactions from quicken?

Every month, when the process was new, I would stumble.

So I leave myself a note.  A short list: open quicken, log into banking website, pay credit card bill on banking website, go to quicken, go to credit card tab, click reconcile, click accept all, make note in Quicken.

To use the service example, after we make lunches, we take a few minutes to talk about what worked and what to tweak next time. For example,

  • We write down who volunteered today.
  • We make note of who showed up in answer to the bulletin article, and collect their email so we can alert them next time.
  • Maybe it’s logistics: “We always start with wiping down tables and putting on gloves” or we “need three plastic table cloths instead of 2”
  • Or, about the process: “We need to start with the longest step first and get that rolling, focus on getting the sandwich assembly line started first.“
  • And “Let’s make sure to confirm the time with the school students who need service hours“.

This is a pretty low pressure situation, to be honest – we have a solid team and the work isn’t difficult.  But we are on the clock, as the lunches need to be delivered by a certain time to the mission who is distributing them. And we still want to do things efficiently and effectively. My friend writes down notes and learning, and the ideas and a plan for next time.

Here’s another example of wanting to do things well and leaving notes from next time.

This time of year, I think of my client who has an orange binder in the cabinet above her kitchen desk. It’s the Thanksgiving binder and it really does contain all things Thanksgiving. She always hosts Thanksgiving.  It’s a big family affair, lots of people bring lots of things, and it’s lovely.

And so from year to year, they make notes in the Thanksgiving binder. For example,

  • How many people were there, and who?
  • What recipes did we use? Who brought what and how much?
  • How about “So and So made made the gravy and it was delicious!”
  • Or “We picked up a pie from such and such bakery, and it was a big hit“.
  • We can write about what worked well and what didn’t, or what did we do well and what could be better.

We can keep notes of those things because we would absolutely forget if we didn’t keep track!  When the service morning rolls around again, Kristen will check her notes that she made and start from there as we set up who is scheduled to help and who needs to bring what.  She already has a plan for next time.  That’s the third or fourth time I have said that today.  Let’s relish in that for a minute.  A plan for next time. Based on what we know and what we continue to learn. 

That sounds pretty great to me.

The Importance of “Filling Your Cup”

When I started writing this content today, I had just listened to my amazing friend, Sara Goggin Young with Power to Believe. She really is extraordinary, you need to check her out on the social media platforms!  She hosts this really cool thing every Tuesday morning called Vibe High.

I listen as I take my morning walk, and she is just so motivating.

Her topic this week was “filling our cup”. Filling our cup.  As in, how do we support ourselves? How do we fill our cup, metaphorically speaking?

Time is weird. I record my podcast a week ahead. I record an episode on Monday, and then the next morning, Tuesday morning, the episode I recorded the week before drops.  Last week, I talked about ADHD and I have loved hearing from some of you about how that article and episode impacted you.  And thank you.

And this week’s topic is Arriving on time, in five minute increments.

I have been talking about habits around leaving, and also habits around arriving home and then also around habits of packing our bag the day before and things like that.

We can absolutely conquer our transitions in little bits of time. And we should. We don’t not have to make big, huge grand gestures to make a difference. Honestly, it’s better if they aren’t huge grand gestures.

We are much better off with small, consistent, intentional, positive effort.

And all of these thoughts and recent client conversations got me thinking about this habit that I have, this brief and impactful habit that I have that I might not have talked about before.

I find it very helpful and I thought I would share.  It helps me manage my transitions – and getting good at managing transitions makes everything better! – and it definitely helps me “fill my cup”. It helps me support me being my best self.

Here goes – There is a post-it note that I stare at when I sit down at my desk, which I do all the time.  The sitting down at my desk part.

And the title says “Homing.“

Did you know, I’m a liturgical musician in addition to being a certified professional organizer and organizational coach. And there’s a song we sing called “Lord of All Hopefulness”. It’s a prayer that you would sing throughout the day. There are 4 verses to the song, ‘be there at our waking’, ‘be there at our labors’, ‘be there at our homing’ and ‘be there at our sleeping’.

And “homing” refers to the time when we arrive home. For me, that’s a very comforting image.  Our coming home at the end of the day after our work is done. The word to me means completion and satisfaction. I did the work, I helped the people, and I’m home now and can rest, relax and reset.

And what is on the Homing Post It Note? It’s a list, in order

  • water
  • playlist
  • snack / meal?
  • nature break
  • shower?
  • change clothes?
  • next event?
  • transition bags and stuff
  • bookkeeping
  • curtains, lights and mail (which are all the same step.)

Those are the things that I need to do when I get home, to take care of me, to ease my transition, to fill my cup after a busy day and or before a busy evening.

I can do these arriving home tasks any time of the day, and even all together they take 25 minutes tops.

This Homing List has a special place because I need to remind myself to start with self care, self management, self regulation first.

Let’s break it down: 

Water: I’m almost always dehydrated.  Here’s a clue – we all are.   I have a hard time staying as on top of my water consumption as I should. So the first thing I do when I get home is have a glass of water because I need one.

Playlist: I love music, and the right playlist can relax or entertain or energize me. I have playlists from bands we follow or have become friends of ours, and those make me happy.  I love to listen to Motown while I cook – I don’t know why! But it makes me happy, too.

Snack  / Meal:  Seems self explanatory, but I often need a snack when I get home.  And if I don’t remember to ask the question, it could be a little bit of time before I wonder my energy is lagging, my focus is drifting, my blood sugar has bottomed out and now I am hangry (yes, that is a thing!).  Or, maybe I get home around dinner time and I need to make dinner!

Nature break: Again, this seems obvious, I know.  I shouldn’t need a post-it note to remind me to use the washroom, but sometimes I do.

Next, do I need a shower? Some days I get grubby at work, but this really revved up during pandemic.  During pandemic times, I would only see one client a day and then shower immediately when I got home to keep my family safe. I’m not quite as fanatical about that anymore, but, some days it still needs to happen or I need to shower before my next appointment or event. 

And I almost always need to change my clothes into comfy clothes. Same idea, I don’t really wear outdoor clothes in my house and vice versa.

Next, ask “What is my next event?” This loops back to what I mentioned last week and in the past few months about getting our stuff and self ready to go. As soon as I come home from one thing, is it unpacking from the current day or packing for the next day? So, when I ask the question: next event? I’m answering the question and then:

Transitioning my bags and stuff. I mean, I’ve talked about that recently, with my many-bag-days and making sure that unpacking and putting everything away happens regularly. Otherwise, I’m pretty sure I would be inundated all over my desk or my office floor with bags. Yikes!

Next up is Bookkeeping. And bookkeeping is not necessarily something that everybody needs to do, but I, as a business owner, do need to do it. I have clients who pay me using all sorts of methods and often when I get home, I need to send a PayPal invoice or a Venmo request, or perhaps I need to follow up on scheduling. This also provides an opportunity to file any paperwork that I accumulated throughout the day, put away any receipts, make note on hours that I work today and account for them, etc. This doesn’t take long but it is a very important part of my process.

The final step is “curtains, lights and mail” and that is contingent on the time of day when I arrive home and the season and all that stuff. Sometimes I get home mid-day. And sometimes I arrive early evening and it’s time for me to close the curtains for the night, turn on the lights in my home to make it warm and friendly, and bring in the mail. When I say that out loud, it feels very cozy and inviting. It makes me feel like I’m having a hug, and looping back, that helps fill my cup.

The process itself absolutely fills my cup, gives me a boost and brings my thoughts back to home and family and the things that I find important.

My challenge to you would be to figure out what these steps are for yourself, and how to fill your cup. And how can you make sure it happens on a consistent basis? My example was about habits around coming home.  Maybe you need to head outside to fill your cup, or go exercise or go meet up with friends or go to a class. On the call with my friend and her group, some people loved to cook or be creative with their hands. What is it for you?

And how do you make sure to do it regularly? For example, having this visual reminder for me absolutely helps me to “fill my cup” consistently. Let me know your thoughts!

October is ADHD Awareness Month: More Than Just Awareness

October is ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) Awareness Month.

Last week, I spoke with one of my accountability partners, Laine.  Laine is the ADHD Coach that I want to be when I grow up. She’s amazing. If you’d like to know more, check out her website at http://thinkinganddoingskillscenter.com/.  She is always looking to reach and positively impact more students and adults with her coaching. 

On our accountability call, we discussed that this is the time of year when mid-quarter progress reports go home, and for many students, we find out that they are struggling with their grades and workload.

Perhaps a student hasn’t been diagnosed but the teacher or school administrator may start the conversation regarding testing and diagnosis. 

OR perhaps a student is diagnosed with ADHD but they haven’t necessarily found the strategies or skills, or aren’t using them, or need to explore more to help them do as well as they could in school.

Laine and took a moment to share our own stories about our experiences with ADHD for either ourselves or loved ones.  And I realized that I don’t tell ADHD stories, and that’s a disservice to you and to me and anybody who has ADHD.

Today, I want to talk about what ADHD is and what it looks like in ourselves and the people around us. We will increase awareness around ADHD and some symptoms that go along with it, and mention the strategies and skills that can be used to improve the lives of EVERYONE, including folks with ADHD. 

See what I did there?  I reminded all of us that the strategies that help folks with ADHD to manage their neurodiversity are the same strategies that can help us all on any given day.

To get us started, I want to share a conversation I had recently with a friend about her grown child with ADHD.  And keep in mind – we are not doing an in-depth study of ADHD today, because that would be impossible in one day. 

Today, we are increasing awareness!

This grown child, this young adult, is doing great, professionally speaking. They recently graduated from college, they have a new job in their field of study, they’re really excited about it, they’re just doing great.

But this young adult struggles beyond that.  In addition to a new job, they also have a new living arrangement in this new stage of life. And they are really struggling with all the change, the expectation to set up a home and to manage themselves. 

Of course I can’t coach a person who’s not there, that’s not how that works.  But I can increase awareness with this young adult’s loved one who is trying to understand where their young adult is coming from, and how to help.  And I respect that.  We can all start by recognizing there is more going on with every person than we may be aware of.

First, I asked “is the young adult diagnosed or not?”, and the answer was yes. Next, I asked if they received counseling or therapy specifically around their ADHD and where they may struggle, and the answer was no.

So this friend and I simply worked on ADHD Awareness together.

First, I want you to click over to and read an article I wrote for the basics, ADHD Awareness Month, For Yourself and for Others.

It’s not necessarily that people with ADHD have symptoms that are completely different than anybody else in a busy time of life or any other time. What makes it troublesome and what leads many of us to either get tested or get our loved ones tested for ADHD or other neuro-diversities is if the struggles happen more than occasionally, or are negatively impacting a person’s life. And by life I mean relationships, how they succeed or excel in school or professionally, or in whatever it is that they’re trying to achieve.

So we all have challenges some days with achievement or focus or productivity or motivation, but it’s when those challenges negatively impacts life for a certain amount of time, those are the red flags that say, okay, there’s more going on here, and we need to ask if perhaps this person is neurodivergent. Again, many of us display these characteristics. It’s the severity and the comorbidities, like folks with ADHD also suffering from higher rates of anxiety or depression, that make ADHD troublesome.

Back to my friend and her young adult.

For this friend and her grown child, we discussed that this young adult is able to excel at work but their home life and relationships suffer, and they are exhausted all the time.  I mentioned that, whereas I might have a busy day at work and I need to come home and take a half hour to shift gears and decompress before staring my next activity, someone with ADHD has worked much harder to be productive at work and to manage their challenges and may need much more time to regroup.

Let’s understand Masking.

People with ADHD and other people as well learn to cover up what may be considered culturally undesirable behaviors.  So little ones learn to not blurt out answers in the classroom or hop out of their seats when their energy tells them otherwise.  And they learn to manage and mask, but it also takes effort to NOT act this way.

Let’s understand, too, a different type of masking:

Children with ADHD are often not diagnosed until they reach transitions like elementary school to middle school, or middle school to high school, or even high school to college.  Strong and supportive parenting and learning environments are AWESOME but occasionally ADHD goes undiagnosed until a student reaches the point when their external coping supports (parents and teachers) no longer make up for the challenges from their ADHD.

Let’s understand Hyperfocus

Another characteristic of ADHD is Hyperfocus. ADHD is often misunderstood and underdiagnosed because people with ADHD may be able to hyper-focus on something that is interesting to them.  This is why ADHD is not a full enough name, because “Attention Deficit” is not always true.

And, for many people with ADHD, they are paying Attention to EVERYTHING. Did you know? When a person with ADHD looks like they’re not paying attention, it’s actually very likely that they are paying attention to absolutely everything in the room.  If they’re listening to their teacher talk about math or to a friend tell a story, or they’re trying to focus on the email in front of them, they are also hearing every background sound there is.

They are noticing how their clothing feels at every point that it touches their body.

They are noticing the temperature of the air around them, and the smell of the space.

They are noticing everything. Any pains that might be in their body. They notice it all. It’s not that they’re not paying attention. Attention deficit is actually a misnomer in some ways, because they’re processing input from everything.

And so what may look like inattentiveness is actually the fact that they are processing everything all the time. And they might not even know what’s happening. And where you think that it is a character flaw, defiance or something else, it might very well be that they have so many different signals coming in at any given point that they’re just taking a bit of time to process.

And again, that’s not necessarily specific to ADHD, but it is a common trait of somebody with ADHD.

Let’s Also understand Bandwidth, or spoons.

All of us have a certain amount of energy and focus and motivation to get things done every day.  And once those commodities are used up for the day, it’s time for rest.    Some people call these units of measure spoons.  So each of us starts with a certain number of spoons to use throughout the day. 

With me so far?

All of us consume the spoons.  And if we’re sick or sad, we may have fewer spoons than normal.  And some days we have to do hard things, which uses up our spoons faster.

A person with ADHD may have the same amount spoons as you and me when they start their day.  But they may use them faster than we do because they have to make themselves focus and motivate and get things done in  a certain way that isn’t how their brain is wired to work.

Now, let’s talk about recovery.

Just as a neurotypical person needs to rest and re-fuel to face another day, so does, of course, a person with ADHD.  But it may take longer. In addition to using spoons faster than others, a person with ADHD may take longer to replace the spoons.  Even a person with ADHD who is managing themselves well and getting the support they need knows that they MUST employ strategies and skills to rest and replenish.  And we have to respect that.

Somebody with ADHD, because they have been dealing with all of these external stimuli for so long, can absolutely maintain for a bit, and then they’re exhausted. And what takes you and I perhaps an hour or two, or a good night’s sleep, to recuperate from could take them days.

And I think where all of this is leading me to is right here:

Your awareness of ADHD or now doesn’t validate or invalidate a friend or loved one with ADHD.  Yes, there are people out there who believe ADHD doesn’t exist.

But today I want to increase awareness.  I want to show all of us that we all struggle sometimes.  People with ADHD and people without ADHD.

As I started this topic today, I mentioned that we don’t know where people are coming from. But now we know  more.  We know better.  And I was quoted back to myself last week, apparently I often say “when we know better we must do better” (I will credit this to Maya Angelou). 

No one is broken and no one needs fixed.  We just need to understand more about others, be aware there is more happening than we know and be ready to support others by educating ourselves.  More than 10% of the population has ADHD, whether you or they have been diagnosed or not.  You may have ADHD, and I guarantee you know people with ADHD.  Some who struggle and some who manage well.

We need to understand that it’s happening, and support ourselves and others with understanding, communication and education.

There are resources out there to help. Coaching, counseling, therapy. 

CHADD, https://chadd.org/, Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD)

ADD.org, Attention Deficit Disorder Association

There are tools to help individuals manage their ADHD and to support the folks who support people with ADHD. The best indicator for success is for everyone to understand ADHD Better. 

Intention: Don’t Leave Important Things Up To Chance

I started composing this content in the car on the way to drop off my son at college.  We took two cars.  I lost the coin flip and had most of the stuff in my car, and my husband and our son were in the other.  And our two different GPS apps sent us two different ways, so we got same place by different routes, different expressways here in the Midwest, around the same time.  Which is good to know, as we’ve often debated which way is faster.

We flipped a coin so my son didn’t feel pressured to choose between my husband or I to ride with, and we didn’t have to feel bad if my son didn’t choose us.  But I digress.

I have a digital document where my editorial content lives.  All my ideas, bits of writings, a schedule outline for the next few months.  In preparation for the solo drive and the thinking time I would have as I drove, I looked at the first two pages of it.  I add new info at the top, and also have the schedule pinned there.  It’s a ridiculously long document, probably close to 50 pages if I printed it, and I will NOT.  Some day soon I need to just delete most of it since I’m shifting my thinking these days. 

But there was a single line at the top left over from the recent Never Be Late Again content, I suddenly realized that yes, that was today’s topic. Not leaving our day up to chance.

So, having left the topic seemingly up to chance, I am going to talk about NOT leaving our day up to chance.

The Sunday we took my son back to school, I spent my time staying out of my son’s way, first, and second, getting my newsletter ready to send out on Tuesday.

Because I did not want to leave the completion of that up to chance.  It’s important to me to publish my newsletter and podcast and I need to be intentional around those tasks to ensure they are completed.

Similarly, I was talking with the college student before he left.  Last year when he started college, he quickly learned that the nice people who cleaned the bathrooms on his dorm floor cleaned the bathroom right around the time he planned to shower so he could make his 9 am class on time.  So he adjusted to a different time.

He is in a different dorm this year, so he needs to learn the rhythm of the new dorm, and this semester’s schedule.  We discussed what time his first class is every day this semester.  So he can adjust. 

When you gain that new information, as soon as you gain that information, you have the opportunity to adjust, to incorporate that new information and, uh, make your day make more sense.  All of that really makes me think about this phrase that’s on my list, don’t leave your day up to chance.

He and I also talked about how every day is different, and they should be, but our routines don’t have to be.  My son mentioned he has friends who are very chaotic when it comes to their routines, and that makes him really anxious. He knows that that’s not for him, and I absolutely respect that because it’s not for me, either. 

So, we can create routines around routine needs and tasks, we can be intentional about the important things, and we can leave the questions, the mysteries, the variables, etc., for other times of the day. 

The point is, being Intentional is NOT not leaving your routines or important things up to chance.  That’s it. It’s being intentional with how you want to spend the first or last 20 minutes to 2 hours, whatever that looks like for you, how you want to spend that for yourself. And not leaving it up to chance, not leaving it up to whim, or how the rest of the world feels like you need to spend your day. Right?

So what does that look like?

I’ve been re-working my own morning routines the last few weeks, adding in some things that I’d like to achieve.  And this is NOT ME wanting to pack even more productivity in my morning. No, I actually want to pack more meditation and calm and journaling in my morning and having a little more room to breathe.  So it’s not just packing more things, tasks, expectations, responsibilities into our morning. It is being intentional with what is IMPORTANT. For me, that is intentionally balancing productivity with rest and recovery, which we explored in a recent podcast.

Not leaving your day up to chance means it’s your turn to choose. And what does that look like for you? If you know that something is important in your day (“Important” means, meets a need, helps you meet your goals, supports what it is that you want to achieve), don’t leave it up to chance, to “Well, I’ll get to it if I get to it.”

So back to my original case study.  The most important thing that I could do on move-in day was to successfully get my son to school feeling supported, excited, capable, energized, whatever that looks like for him. And so what that looked like for us was, in the weeks leading up to move-in day, to check in regularly in the packing process to make sure he had what he needed. A successful transition was NOT going to happen by chance.

He did the work himself, because it is his work to do and he’s awesome. But I did things, too, to not leave success up to chance. My husband and I both independently filled the gas tanks the day before. I love that. We both did not want to leave success up to chance.

And in the midst of making sure that he had everything he needed, to not leave the important things up to chance, I made sure, because my next two days are going to be extremely busy supporting loved ones, that my important tasks also weren’t left up to chance.  I made sure to get my newsletter out on time, which is very important to me for lots of reasons. I hit “send” on that 48 hours in advance because it’s important.  I also started to think about the next day, when I would be back on the road again to help with a different loved one with a move in Michigan. I’d like to think all will be well, but that depends on many variables – weather, traffic, ease of move-in, that I don’t have control over!  And I’ll be ready to adjust, that’s fine.  Because I was intentional and completed the other important tasks already.

Another example to make my point: Years ago, a client said she was waiting for the day when she would wake up, spring out of bed and feel motivated and ready to organize, just spontaneously. She expected that she would wake up one day, and that was going to be her reality.  AND she was going to wait until that magic day came. But that day had NOT happened in 50 some years. I challenged her to say, if it has never happened before, are you sure that it is going to happen? And is organizing something you should leave up to chance?  This was somebody who had reached out to me because it was important for her to get organized, enough so to call somebody to find support. And I absolutely respect that. However, I wouldn’t want her to base future progress on the motivated morning that may or may not magically happen. The stars would align, the right combination of mood and energy and sleep and opportunity in the day, and suddenly, poof.  And I would challenge all of us to NOT use this way to strategize.

There are facets of our lives that are very important. And once we have established what those are, what those Focus Areas, people, relationships, situations, skill building, what it is in our life that’s important, we don’t leave those things up to chance.

I’m not saying that there can’t be flexibility. There MUST be flexibility, it’s not optional.  But if there’s something that you deem to be important, again, whatever that means to you, then don’t leave it up to chance. Do what you can to make that thing happen. And, I’m not saying it has to happen all at once. But we can’t wait for the perfect opportunity to happen before we act because that is unlikely to yield the results we are seeking. We have to DO the actions and recognize the important things that need done, and not leave important things up to chance.

The Importance of Rest and Recovery

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I am not an expert on Rest and Recovery (strong start, I know!). I wish I was, but I’m not.  But I am an expert in time management and productivity, and Rest and Recovery are definitely part of Time Management and Productivity.

As a coach, I have conversations with my clients about Rest and Recovery because they are the experts about themselves and together we can have a conversation about what they want. We can set intentions and make plans, based on what they need to flourish in life.

It’s interesting to me – I sat down to write this on a Sunday afternoon, and suddenly got so sleepy that I just wanted to take a little nap! And the best part is that, since it’s Sunday, I could and I did!

Today I want to talk about Rest and Recovery. And I want to tell you about my herb garden.

We have been in and out of town these last few weeks.  And still my garden grew.  I didn’t do anything to it (other than water it), or ask anything of it, but it still grew.

And, I think perhaps BECAUSE I ignored it and let it be and just do its thing, It Grew. 

Also interesting, the topic of “Rest and Recovery” has been an intended topic on my editorial content calendar for me for a month or two, but I have been too busy or had too many other things to talk about, to make time for it.

A few weeks ago, I mentioned that we can ask ourselves the question of “what would help us the most”, what can you do to help Future You the most. And sometimes the answer is “rest and recovery”.

When I started thinking about this topic, I came across this quote by Stacie Swift,

“Sometimes the reason everything feels too much is because it is. You’re only one lovely person who can only do and give so much. Be Kind to Yourself.” 

Relatedly, what is your phone battery life at this moment?  (Ha, just plugged mine in, when I thought to ask that.  It was at 39%.) I always start the day fully charged, but some days I can plow through most of the charge before the end of the day. 

And have you noticed? Once you know your phone battery is below a certain percent, you start to feel the pinch. You and I, we change our behavior, knowing that our battery life is limited.  We opt to not do things on our phone, perhaps we change the screen brightness or make other adjustments.  And we might obsess over when we can get it plugged in again. 

Because we don’t want to be caught at 8% and then really need to do something important.

I have a charging cord next to my desk that fits all three of my apple devices (airpods, phone and Ipad).  Once my phone is charged up again, I will plug in my Ipad (73%, read a book and did some streaming before I fell asleep last night.) I have habits around plugging in and recharging my devices, and also my self.

The past few months, I have spent a lot of time talking about what “Ready” looks like, how to be and feel ready for whatever life might throw our way. And that includes our own energy and self.

I am an active person, enthusiastic and full of movement.  But that energy has to come from somewhere and so I need to rest and recover. And regardless of what Your baseline is, I guarantee that you also need in your life to have regular sessions to rest and recover to survive, to maintain your usual daily life and to move ahead with whatever it is that you want to move ahead with.

Perhaps it is a sign of aging, but I cannot push my limits of energy and focus as far as I used to be able to.  I would prefer to think this is a sign of wisdom, but it could just be necessity! 

We can push and push and push for a while, with only a few negative effects. But the precursor to not feeling well is to feel run down, and we can’t ignore either feeling.

Opting out of recovery no longer works for me or is sustainable, and actually is a recipe for disaster.  Eventually, stress and fatigue and the effects of them come out, bidden or unbidden.

I liked this quote from @MegDurham_ on Insta,

“If you don’t want to burn out, stop living life like you’re on fire.”

I have never been good at taking it easy, and that is not actually what I am advocating for, unless you’d like to – and then go for it! What I have gotten better at is Regular Maintenance, including

  • Good sleep,
  • adequate hydration,
  • healthier food choices,
  • supplementation,
  • meditation,
  • choosing quiet time instead of interactions, and  
  • better scheduling (though I still stumble and even fall in this area sometime).

Let’s think about three kinds of energy: physical and mental and emotional energy (I guess this is my day to quote thought leaders, because I was reminded of these three kinds of energy by Brendon Bouchard on a recent podcast I listened to). And when I think about Rest and Recovery, it’s not just about energy – our bodies actually require time to mend.

I don’t usually like to talk about the negative, but we have to know this for ourselves: What is it that drains your battery?  I’ll share mine:

  • Worry / Concern.  When my kids are going through something big, I am going through it, too (whether they know it or not.)  OR when my mom or another loved one is in the hospital, that is a steady low-level drain of worry.  Jumping every time the phone rings, hypervigilance, analyzing details, communication, etc.
  • Energy vampires: yes that is really a thing. I bring positive energy with me, and some folks count on that positive energy, and that’s ok.  But some folks take more than I have to give.  In addition, I am an empathetic person and may take on the emotions of others in my environment if I am not careful. 
  • I mentioned in my recent hiking article and podcast that Rest and Recovery after major hikes MUST happen if I expect my body to continue to move.
  • Life! I have a family to love and a home to manage. I work full time plus add in the occasional singing gig; I volunteer for my Parish in ministries; I serve on our local School Board.  That is a lot, and I wouldn’t change a thing, but yes – I get tired!
  • This week, I encourage you to look around your life and determine where those energy leaks may be – the slow trickles and the big gushes!

And what do Rest and Recovery look like for you?  I use myself as an example a lot, because then I don’t have to change names or ask permission.  For me, Rest and Recovery look like….

  • A break from whatever my current exertion is, physical exercise, mental work, emotional overload.
    • It can be 30 seconds, it can be 5 minutes, it can be a day a week or a month.  But it is NOT optional.  When we try to make it optional and still push the limits, burnout or illness may occur.
  • Checking in with myself physically, mentally or emotionally, several times a day and determining what I might need in that moment to take care of me.
  • Adjusting my pace, either physically slowing down or taking a few moments to collect myself.
  • Actual interventions like food, water, rest, sleep, square breathing or actual meditation if I have more time;
  • Awareness for yourself if you are an extrovert (you find energy in interacting with other people), an introvert (you find energy from being along), or an ambivert (how you find energy changes between needing to be around others and needing to be alone), and acting accordingly.

This week, let me advocate for you and for me, and remind us all that Rest and Recovery are not just a really good idea, they are actually essential ingredients for our well-being. We can set the intention to acknowledge that Rest and Recovery time matter, we can be aware of how we are feeling, and we can make efforts to take care of ourselves.